After the pandemic when I was 16 I started believing my neighbour stalked me. I didn't take any drugs or anything. I just heard whispers talking about me and I assumed someone put a camera in my room. I was really depressed, had social anxiety and never left the house. The doctors gave me antidepressants. Then I moved houses. And this belief is still there. It doesen't make any sense that my stalker moved with me. But I didn't realise. For me it was too real. I started writing notes telling him about everything. About how bad I felt, about my dreams, my fears... As if he were my diary and it kind of helped with my loneliness. But I became paranoid. Someone knew everything about me. About how fucked up I was inside. So I attempted suicide. Unfortunately I survived. I am really depressed.I go to theraphy but I do not talk about the "stalker" thing. The worst thing? I eventually fell in love with my delusion because he knew I was pathetic and still decided to stalk me. I seriously need help but I do not want to hurt my family or end up in a psychiatric hospital. How do I make it stop? I finally realised it is not real. But it still feels real. Unintelligible whispers I deduce stuff from. Used to be nice and now the voice insults me and tells me to kms. And it is right I should but I can't. I am scared, I do not want to be insane. I used to be a top student and now I can't focus. I am not motivated to do anything anymore. I try to do stuff, study, go to the gym but I feel like shit. How can I deal with being insane? Talking to an nonexistent being for years? I used to be a normal girl and have friends. I really like books, music, I play guitar... I am not ugly and I used to be really smart. Yet this has completly ruined my life. I am scared of leaving the house because I am paranoid. I lost all my friends except one because I acted really weird. Never was able to have a boyfriend. I want to get my life back and get over this.

>>33228402 (OP)
Take meds, you dont have to take a huge dose but try to make yourself comfortable

>>33228440
Thank you! I already do take aripiprazole but it doesen't help. I also don't want to tell the doctors and be sedated.

>>33228402 (OP)
That does indeed sound very much like schizophrenia. I understand why you are wary of going to a doctor, but I promise that a doctor won't medicate you against your will, and they won't lock you up in psychiatric hospital, or keep you sedated. Doctors are able to do that in extreme cases, but they only do it when someone poses an immediate physical threat, either to themselves or to someone else. So if you go to the doctor and say "my neighbour is an alien, I'm planning to kill him, and I've bought a gun" then you will get locked up. If you go in there and say "I'm going to kill myself, I've acquired some pills, and I'm going to overdose tomorrow" then you may well get locked up. But so long as you are not an immediate danger to someone else or yourself, you will still have control over whether you are treated or not. A short stay in hospital might actually be what's best for you at this point, but if that happens you'll be admitting yourself voluntarily and able to leave if you want. It is also possible that antipsychotic medication may help you to function better; again, it will be up to you whether you take it or not. Medications like that have side effects, but sometimes being on them is better than not being on them; and you can discuss the dosage with your doctors, try lower or higher doses, and see what works best for you.

So please don't be afraid to ask doctors for help; it is their job to help you, and you should let them do it.

>>33228937
Thank you so much for your answer! The problem is I do not want my family to be concerned and I am also starting a job next month. I don't want to ruin my life more by everyone knowing how crazy I am. And what is having esquizofrenia like? Will there be any other effects? And will this happen to me for the rest of my life? Has anything similar happened to anyone here? How have you dealt with it? I know it is not real but for me it is.

>>33225986

>>33229125
>The problem is I do not want my family to be concerned
Do you need to tell them? I assume your family doesn't normally go into a doctor's consulting room with you.

>and I am also starting a job next month.
Well, again, do you need to tell them? And more importantly, if your mental health keeps doing what it's doing, are you really going to be able to hold down a job anyway?

>I don't want to ruin my life more by everyone knowing how crazy I am.
Understood, but the alternative is that you keep feeling the way you're feeling for the rest of your life. Is that really a viable option? How long before someone notices?

>And what is having esquizofrenia like? Will there be any other effects?
That's hard to predict. If it gets much worse then you may find yourself unable to distinguish between what is real and what isn't. You have kind of experienced this, I think: you absolutely believed you had a stalker when (most likely) you didn't; your mind made the whole thing up, but made it seem real. Now, suppose your mind makes something else up, something much worse; suppose you end up thinking people are trying to kill you; it seems absolutely real to you; eventually you think you've identified one of the people that is after you, and you decide to kill them in what you think is self-defence.

Or suppose you keep hearing voices that aren't really there. Suppose they start telling you to do things, and after a while you just can't shut them out any more. What might you end up doing?

Or what if it simply makes you want to kill yourself again? You might actually succeed next time. And that would be very sad.

>And will this happen to me for the rest of my life?
If it's not treated, then quite possibly, yes. The condition may come and go a bit, and some people prefer to live with it rather than put up with drug side effects. But I think you should try medication first before making that decision.

>>33228402 (OP)
Hey there! I recently made a long post with advice that should help. Meds aren't always the best answer; sometimes diet and lifestyle changes can be useful as well. It really depends on your biology.

Full post with links to pubmed articles that you may find interesting:
>>33225986