I have to drive 1h30 to see my best friend (3h total) and I always come back feeling awful. She lives in a dirty apparemment, her husband is a weed addict. Both are unemployed.
I always have to sleep in the dirty mattress where he smokes during the day, the thing hasn’t been cleaned in ages. The sheets are very oily, there are crisps crumbs and dog hair inside.
Her husband has caged two pigeons and has a tamed one inside the apartment so there are bird feces on the ground.
Their dog smells very strong (the entire apartment smells like dog) and has fleas. I tried to be careful but brought some home and now my cat is infested. My cat has lost a lot of hair on her back and it’s 100% my fault.

I really hate going there but I feel pressured to do so in order to maintain our friendship. She’s a good person but was very unlucky in life.
No she cannot come home in my house because she just had a baby and she doesn’t like sleeping anywhere else than her house.

Did someone experience something similar? I really don’t know how to talk about this issue.

Yo I'm old and spent a lot of my 20's as a squat punk doing my best to die from drink and drugs. Once I got cleaned up I decided to no longer associate with anyone who didn't help raise me up in life. Seriously. You should have very little free time because you are getting shit done. You should spend it with capable people in the same position who are also getting shit done and maybe need your help and can repay the favour. For a long time sober me was a transactional maniac and it works. Be useful and society will look after you. Be a useless chaotic piece of shit and expect to be dropped. I have a few old friendships now. Many people are very surprised I can maintain a split like that and keep my boundaries. All I do is just ensure I take what I need from the situation and hold my boundaries firm. Someone like you describe I would only meet outside with a healthy activity as the focus. I would do that not because I had nothing better to do, but out of love and respect and an attempt to show them a better way,

>>33235030 (OP)
the rambling geezer is right you shouldn't have time for that shit. the obvious answer is to just be up front and tell your friend how you feel but since you're obviously a non confrontational weenie you can just go to their house less and less until you're only visiting like once a year, and if they ever ask why you can just say that you've been a lot busier lately and that it's "too hard to visit" or some shit. it is actually a long trip. if i have a job i wouldn't be spending my time and money to see my own mother if she lived that far away.

>>33235058
>>33235103
Thank you anons for your helpful advice. Best plan anyways is to move a bit further away so that it becomes too much of a hastle to meet. A shame because they’re not bad but it’s just the lifestyle I can’t deal with.