Tl;dr my dad is going to die very soon after burning all his bridges with his entire family and becoming extremely abusive. Anyone who’s been in a similar situation, what do you regret not saying before they died?

Full context: after my dad retired a year or so ago he settled on taking up full time alcoholism (over a litre of gin a day) and domestic violence (no actual hitting, but he’s gotten so abusive he screams abuse at her while sleeping). There were things he was suffering from, but none of us were the cause of it and we’ve always helped and supported him, even though he left us for a few years and has always been generally selfish.

My mum’s out into new accomodation and she’s doing much better.

My dad blames everyone but himself and, I assume, is attempting to drink himself to death. I think he’s too cowardly to just off himself directly.

I was very young when he left. One of my first memories is my mum crying at the dinner table with me. When he came back I remember wondering why. So I’ve never been close with him and his death won’t hit me especially hard.

That being said, I know once he dies I’ll probably wish I’d said some things. If you’ve been in that situation, any tips?

>>33237804 (OP)
When my dad actually had a terminal diagnosis he used it as a opportunity to reconnect. But he wasn't that much better a man. It was regrettable talking to him.

>>33237804 (OP)
There's not much you can say, Anon.

I'd focus on making sure you and your family will be stable once he is gone.
Be safe.

my dad was an abusive shit head who decided to kill himself one day when i was like 22. he called me the night before he did it and i ignored him. i feel kind of bad but it doesn't eat away at me or nothing. don't bother making amends with him if you ask me. we're their spawn so it's not up to us to make nice. that's on him.

>>33237804 (OP)
He had his own demons and that doesn't excuse how he treated you and the rest of your family, but don't spend his last moments being antagonistic. He's already paying the price of his shittyness with his life and lonely death. Kicking down a man who's already dying is pathetic. Say your piece to him but don't waste your energy being hateful. You may come to regret it later on in your life.

>>33237847
>>33237885
>>33238054
>>33238133
I honestly wasn't planning to even say anything, I didn't think there was anything that needed saying, but despite that there's just that niggling feeling that you can't just let somebody go out without some sort of closure.

But I guess that's not the point. The point is he could have all the closure he wants, if he bothered looking outside his own self-imposed exile for a few moments to reflect on how he got where he is.

Thanks guys. Sad thing is he's surprisingly resilient to just carking it despite a plethora of health issues so we might unfortunately be in for months of stepping around him until it's finally over.

>>33237804 (OP)
Deathbed confessions are not honest, and they are performed before a captive audience. This is an opportunity for him to feel better about what he did.

Are you the guy in the other thread who left his girlfriend after 6 years to do the same thing your dad did

You owe him nothing. The soil is littered with the bodies of men you will never know or ultimately care about. His will be just another among them.
That sounds cold and callous because it is. That doesn't mean it isn't necessary sometimes. When you have to learn to survive a situation, you conserve your resources, including your own warmth. If there is no hope for him to recover and make a meaningful relationship, then he is dead weight when you're trying to run to safety.
This doesn't mean your entire life is wrapped in mere survival, though. This aspect of your life was and to an extent still is a survival moment. You were a child when you were exposed to the abuse. You had to form your own mechanisms to survive independently of him, and at risk of him interrupting those mechanisms whenever he decided to come back.
Don't let survivors guilt keep you held back. Don't let a misplaced empathy for yet another dead stranger get in your way in the form of arbitrary regret. You have more empathy than he does, but not everyone deserves it.
Live a better life than he allowed you to, and move on.

Dont say anything too dramatic, its annoying and you'll regret it. Au revoir, be kind, courteous, and comforting

middle finger emoji would cover it
fuck that guy, drinking yourself to death is such an ugly thing to do