am i abusive? i ask my boyfriend nicely last night if he can gently wake me up this morning. i have night terrors and being woken up violently is scary. i come to and he’s shaking me. back and forth. “wake up” “get up” “i’m not stopping until you get up” my eyes are fully open at this point and i’m telling him to stop.
he doesn’t
i kick him , not hard. almost like a “i’m serious get off me” and he pulls the “you just hit me” when i barely nudged him.

mind you this mans punched me , held me down by my neck. and he LOVES waking me up in this way.

either shaking me or smothering me and restricting my movement either by holding my arms or wrapping himself around me.
i have control i try to have control. i worry one day he’ll wake me up out of a night terror and i go off on him for real.
i’m not even a heavy sleeper. he either wakes me up with kisses or pulls this shit. i wake up either way.

>this mans punched me , held me down by my neck
you are being abused. he will do this until you react and then say that you are the abuser. leave

>>33238531
he’s gotten a little better at controlling his anger. i have been sticking it out. it’s been weeks since that but still it just makes my point

all i asked was for him to wake me up bc i have a super early appointment. i feel like im so patient for someone with ptsd that mostly affects her sleep.

i dont yell i dont scream i usually just tell him to stop until he stops. which is a few times before he stops

he uses 4chan religiously but i doubt he’ll ever see this. i love him and help him as much as i can but i know now he’s gonna act like im the bad guy

>>33238515 (OP)
>am i abusive?
why even start the thread with this? you know damn well what the answer is
you're not abusive. your boyfriend is though, and you're a dumb attention whore

>>33238554
How long does an abuser have to go without physical violence in order to not be an abuser?

>>33238554
read "why does he do that" by lundy bancroft. he has "anger problems"? does his anger problems cause him to destroy his own things, or attack his boss? or is the violence only for those weaker than him and lower on the social ladder? ask yourself why he can control himself from punching a cop but not you

>>33238564
i really do feel like i have genuine problems. he just broke up with me over it. i cannot do ANYTHING right

i know hes a mean guy. but i love him and i feel like its my fault for even reacting.

he found this thread so

>>33238564
and lowkey yeah i am.
i try so hard to be good and not make him upset with my own illness

>i ask my boyfriend nicely last night if he can gently wake me up this morning

clock app has an alarm feature

>>33238595
i wanted him to do it, because it’s like 60% nice wake up rest mean.

but i will from now on :/

>>33238585
>>33238587
alright well i'm sorry for saying that. i thought you knew you weren't in the wrong whatsoever based on the way you wrote your post, so i thought opening with "am i abusive?" was retarded. i didn't realize or notice that you were actually being manipulated

it's a good thing he broke up with you. there's clearly nothing wrong with you either, unless there's something you're not telling us. like are you serious? read your OP again and tell us that you did something wrong here

>>33238585
>my fault for even reacting
Bitch are you serious. Stop being a fucking pushover

you still here OP? if someone is hitting you and then dips at the first sign of trouble, the relationship wasn't worth shit. you should've left a long time ago so consider this a blessing in disguise.

>>33238608
i have severe ptsd , bpd , and am often very very depressed. i would probably continue to let anyone who gives me a cent of love or affection hurt me, he broke up with me i didnt break up with him. i am a pushover and a giant loser who doesn’t do anything correctly
i just sit in bed, eat occasionally and try to clean up after myself. and if i’m not sleeping or playing on my phone im showering. it’s an unhealthy amount of showering.

he’s a nice guy most of the time and i really do love him. he took off his ring already and i still have mine on because i just can’t see myself not having it. im not a catch or “deserving of better”

>>33238701
Wow you sound easy to manipulate. You wanna be a sidepiece? I swear I'll consider leaving my wife for you sometime.

>>33238701
>i just sit in bed, eat occasionally and try to clean up after myself. and if i’m not sleeping or playing on my phone im showering. it’s an unhealthy amount of showering.
sounds like you're doing just fine to me. you could've been a woman who doesn't shower and doesn't clean up after herself, which might've made his anger/mean streak a little more understandable
regardless, you could be a textbook BPDemon and it still wouldn't justify the shit you described. violently waking someone who asked to be woken up gently + experiences night terrors + isn't a heavy sleeper just demonstrates a clear lack of respect, love, and care. i'd never do that to my wife
>he’s a nice guy most of the time
most unmistakable "abusers" are nice most of the time. i'm not saying he qualifies as a full on abuser but he's clearly a dick and you need to realize that "he's nice most of the time" is textbook manipulated pushover woman speak
>i still have mine on
retarded
you two were engaged? and he left that easily? sounds like he dropped your entire relationship without a second thought over something that's fairly minor. i get that it's still fresh but i hope you see what a load of bullshit that is in the coming days

>>33238515 (OP)
>gigantic retard mistakes sleep paralysis and night terrors (what are you fucking 4?) for abuse
Grow the fuck up, the man you sleep next to is not doing any of this to you. How can I tell? It only happens when it’s time to get up and he doesn’t take the opportunity to do it while you’re asleep and it’s not time to get up. Fucking child you are op

>>33238701
>>33238822
also
>im not a catch or “deserving of better”
retarded
everyone who isn't a bad person deserves better, deserves someone who loves and cares for them and won't abandon them when things get difficult
smarten the fuck up

>>33238824
What a braindead post lmao. Your logic makes zero sense

>>33238708
no thank you, i’m loyal even if he doesn’t want me :(

Chaotic thread

>>33238833
>op admits to having sleep terrors
>also admits to being a light sleeper
>>mind you this mans punched me , held me down by my neck. and he LOVES waking me up in this way.
>>either shaking me or smothering me and restricting my movement either by holding my arms or wrapping himself around me.
>> i feel like im so patient for someone with ptsd that mostly affects her sleep.
>>i’m not even a heavy sleeper. he either wakes me up with kisses or pulls this shit
>>>shaking me or smothering me and restricting my movement either by holding my arms or wrapping himself around me.
If you are op or if op is still around you need to call that man and apologize especially if you publicly accused him of something and be ready to eat your mistake and let him go because you need to work on yourself

>>33239289
this is such a reach lmao you retard. you're seriously insinuating that she just imagined getting woken up violently? it's pretty clear she woke up and wanted him to fuck off yet he kept going

>>33239289
sleep paralysis and extreme nightmares are completely different things.
i’ve experienced both but sleep paralysis is very very rare for me atleast.
he apologized , he didn’t realize my nightmares had been that bad that it’s scary for me to wake up like that.
the times he’s laid his hands on me we’ve been 100% awake. any other ways to blame me here?

we made up because we apologized to eachother like adults.

>>33238515 (OP)
are you a woman

>>33239333
and it’s funny because i’ve never had a flashback hallucination about my sweet boy. he’s a angry dude but he just needs love. 100% of the times it’s someone who has seriously abused / raped me. or some black hat man type shit

i sort of fucked up for not letting him know they’ve been prevalent lately. he could’ve been being gentler than it felt but i was already in fight or fight

>>33240630
yes.. 19 years old and a woman

did you guys get back together? how are things going