My childhood was fairly awful growing up. Absent father who drank too much and left when I was young then my mother lived on benefits which she spend inappropriately. I no longer see mum see dad once a year. Growing up I had very poorly developed social skills, no friends, behavioural problems, underweight and got expelled at 16 before transferring to a new school where things started to turn around.

I'm 26 now and my life is utterly unrecognisable/unimaginable. I'm a newly qualified doctor, nice body and face, at least average social skills, hobbies, friends etc. I am a millionaire from crypto which at my age in UK is extremely rare. None of this is a larp it was the perfect combo of giftedness combined with natural drive/ambition/aggression then turned up to 11 due to the bleakness of childhood.

I can't stop focussing on the past. All the normalfag stuff and experiences I missed out on when younger cause I was mentally fucked, relationships missed, academic underachievement (I had better grades at 18 than the average Oxford student despite being expelled a couple years earlier yet went to a "good" uni) and just having a complete and utter void preceding my current life. My worldview is also very bitter cause I remember how horrible things were and how everyone including extended family pretended nothing was happening then denied it for years once I left home and started realising it was abnormal.

Anyone got tips for getting over this? Even though it's not possible I can't stop fantasying about a childhood with loving married supportive parents and it seems so unfair I didn't get this. I don't normally post here, not sure if it's NEET HQ here or what so sorry if it sounds insensitive.

>>33238544 (OP)
I won't read your autobiography. Get to the point next time.

This is fucking bait right

>>33238626
No. I am really detached from reality but I assume it is the financial success which makes this unreasonable?

I had a really fucked up view on world as a child/young hard which made me incredibly ambitious and willing to slum it/work hard for success. This combined with just lucking out in terms of intelligence and being very aggressive/confrontational while also being very patient/not a violent schizo. I am not performing at the same level nowadays and just keep riding past success.

If it's about being unhappy despite being successful this is really normal. All my similar friends report the same struggle, it never stops. See celebs.

>>33238638
Okay, I'm going to assume you're telling the truth then.
You need to look ahead. You can use your past trauma or whatever you want to call it as a motivation, but you come off as super whiney. Basically, you sound like you are talking about how successful you are, but can't enjoy your life because you want MORE. You want a PAST YOU CAN'T HAVE WAAAAAAH. To put it in perspective, there are people born into bad childhoods, stay in shitty adulthoods, and die never knowing comfort or love.
So learn to live in the now. Maybe do some vicarious living by helping people out of bad situations. Maybe go wild do eccentric get millionaire things. Or just try to change the world around you if you hate it so much, even if it's just what's immediately around you.

>>33238657
Ok thankyou for your reply. I suppose it is certainly true that I'm staying routed in my past and struggling to move on and I am aware that I'm fortunate things have turned out this way.

I'll try to focus on the present but honestly it's easier said than done. I thought I moved for a while until I was on a paediatric rotation and it all came rushing back or there is some other reminder of how things were.

>>33238687
That's all the more reason to shift your perspective. I'm sure you can see how fucked up it is to see sick children and think "Damn, look at these dyings kids. My childhood sure sucked."

>>33238544 (OP)
Well look at it this way, atleast you get to enjoy life in your 20s.
I'm your age and nothing will ever compare to my school days, I make good money but who cares, every day is the same and I'm completely socially isolated.

>>33238731
Hmmm maybe that came across the wrong way. Pretty much all the kids had stuff like bronchiolitis, croup, uncontrolled asthma exacerbations etc stuff where they will make a full recovery. I don't think anyone actually died or experienced long term disability when I was there, I think the terminally ill children were probably being treated at a tertiary centre in the region.

I didn't realise how dumb/innocent/helpless children are until I saw them up close and just couldn't understand why anyone would hit or abuse them. when I spoke to the most senior doctor about how I felt she said this is common and they've had it in the past.

>>33238748
Don't you feel that you could change that? I think the reason it has been pissing me off is that it is impossible to change the past

>>33238773
>Don't you feel that you could change that? I think the reason it has been pissing me off is that it is impossible to change the past

You know what you have a point there and I can definitely feel you on the past thing, It's not like I don't have things from the past that don't bother me a lot, but yea going back to that first thing.... I'm not really sure where to start

>>33238544 (OP)
you got unlucky in one area, lucky in another
whatever man. power through. lots of unemployed depressed bums with loving families out there. what position would you rather be in?

>>33238544 (OP)
do psychedelics, get professionals though, you can afford it. maybe that will give you another perspective instead thinking like the "did I finally do good, mom?" perfectionist stance. It's pretty helpful to deal with shitty childhood stuff.

>>33238937
Obviously I'd prefer to be in my position but I just can't logically accept it. I don't even feel like I'd be doing better if I came from a loving family, I reckon I'd have gone to Oxford, had sex and done sports in secondary or whatever but I do not think I'd be a millionaire without the insane drive which resulted from awful childhood.

>>33238958
Sometimes I feel like this is. Just coping so hard with being unloved you try to satisfy an imaginary person who doesn't exist.