i struggle to cope with the fact that i'm an adult, when physically and emotionally i still feel like a boy, like i stopped growing before everyone else or missed some critical development milestone. not only am i talentless, i am emotionally fragile, awkward, and meek. my weakness extends to my physical body as well. i'm 22 with the body of a teenage boy. narrow shoulders, wide hips, short, etc. it should come as no surprise that i am a khhv too, and i don't even want to have sex because i don't feel "ready", because that 'something' is missing that prevents my real life from starting. there's so much more i 'need' to do that i should've done years ago that i don't have time to do so it can never be done so i can never start unless i put my entire life on pause, but my body grows older and my hairline recedes year after year. what the heck happened?!

it used to be that i felt more content because there was this idea of a person that i would grow into far in the future, one who would be successful, but now the breakout successes are my age, and it turns out they were far better than me even in adolescence. everybody was doing SOMETHING but me, and i was too oblivious or socially isolated to realize it, either because i was waiting around to try to grow into a better person, or i was left waiting to pass the threshold everybody else naturally overcame, or i never had the drive or talent in the first place and never would have. as i said, i was socially isolated so the only people i "knew" were the heroes i looked up to, these distant adults who 'did something' because they were adults. this might have left me with unrealistic expectations for how successful i could be, and i cannot let go of that because my life is still missing that 'something' that reduces me to a boy among men and women

so now it feels like my entire existence has been made deficient and fraudulent, and what i feel and see are not as 'real' as i once thought they were

Waiting doesn't make people grow. You grow when you go out and try things.

>>33238745
i do try new things every day but it feels hopeless, like i'm just trying to mimic greatness in hopes it rubs off on me. i do not want to live if i can't be great. even as a kid i was so desperate to be good at something so i had value, just ONE THING even if it was the most useless niche skill in the world, if i could make a cave out of. but i suck at everything. i'm short, nerdy, possibly autistic (doubt it but others have joked a bit too much), and useless beyond being cannon fodder or a lackey for somebody greater than me. maybe i thought i could skip childhood and save it for later when i was more developed or ready because i didn't fit in. who knows

>>33238756
I mean, you could be great at being a lackey. Have you considered that? Go out and find your Gaston, LeFou.

>>33238763
i know i'm great at being a lackey because i do well enough in school to get good grades but not good enough to win any awards, place in competitions, have interesting projects/research, or extracurricular talents. i just do what i'm told well enough to be somewhat noteworthy but not exceptional. a drone.

>>33238736 (OP)
It's the story of my life until 20. Never did anything, social and intellectual development stuck like a child for some reason, never went through adolescence, and I too thought I was gonna become great at something (I was much better at drawing than my peers but I never pursued it).

>>33238771
Better than me. So you're an average person and you're sad because you're not exceptional? You have to deal with being average. Average talent, average potential, but how you use it is up to you.
>i'm 22 with the body of a teenage boy. narrow shoulders, wide hips, short, etc.
Then work out and build muscle. Better than nothing.
>i don't even want to have sex because i don't feel "ready"
This is a self-esteem problem rather than not being ready. The only way to become ready for sex and women is trying do it and gain experience. Relationships are a joke anyway.
>the only people i "knew" were the heroes i looked up to, these distant adults who 'did something' because they were adults.
I could've written this. I kept thinking that I had time and one day I was their age and with nothing to show off.
>even as a kid i was so desperate to be good at something so i had value, just ONE THING even if it was the most useless niche skill in the world
Nothing is stopping you from becoming autistically obsessed in a niche until you get good enough at it. But you should also have a plan B and consider that it might not go anywhere and you'll have to live an average life, which is still better than what you have now.

>>33238736 (OP)
I won't read a litany of complaints. Ask for help with one thing next time, describing it in detail and stating what efforts you have made to remedy it.

>>33239442
if you want to help people you need to engage with them through their own terms and experiences instead of trying to reduce communication to customer service. i have made other posts in this thread giving you what you want but your real intent was to feel superior to someone for a brief moment, not to actually help

That's why I don't agree with protecting children by taking dangerous things away from them and giving them age appropriate materials and tasks. They'll be annoying and useless forever.

>>33239003
>This is a self-esteem problem rather than not being ready.
The problem is that I have an ideal for what sex should be, formed from a combination of romance manga, porn, and exposure to very attractive people, that I cannot reach. Seeing average people mating is just disgusting, like retards trying to write a symphony. So base and vile and naive. I dread ending up in that position, so naive and delusional, and would rather be celibate.

>>33239736
Oh, you're mentally ill. Got it.

>body of a teenager
Work out.

>>33239788
i only run and bike because that's what feels good
"working out" is for narcissists

>>33238736 (OP)
Honestly same here. Praying it gets better for everyone here but in the meantime, we just stomach it and do better one day at a time.

>>33239736
>>33239863
So you don't want to have sex and you don't want to fux your physique.

>>33238736 (OP)
same i'm a puer aeternus

>>33238736 (OP)
You're of an age where you're expected to flounder about and make mistakes.
Is it bad that you've not made anything of yourself so far? No.
Will it be a mistake to do nothing, and expect success to just fall into your lap? Fuck yes.
People who find success by the age of 22 are either really lucky, or worked hard from a very young age. Most go through the same teething and don't really make much of themselves until much later.

Shit, I think I was about 23 when my life started so somewhat resemble what an adult life should look like. I only just started earning a real salary about a year ago and started looking forward to a career than I can find truly fulfilling. Even that was a pathway it took years to realise I could take.
I'm 25 now and wouldn't say I feel much different from 20, unless I sit down and objectively list out everything that's changed.

Life's slow and irritating for the most part, but with persistence it gives out and hands you a win here and there