I feel like I never knew my father, how do I get closer with my own father

>>33241130 (OP)
You can do what I did and keep wondering til hes dead then its over and doesnt matter anymore. Worked out fine.

>>33241130 (OP)
my mother and father split when i was young and i did see him regularly through childhood until late teenage years. i wish we had a better relationship and he does want to see me more but i feel too ashamed to see him and for him to find out how much of a failure his son is.

don't bother. if you're posting here, your father is from one of the two most selfish generations in existence. the reason you don't know him is he never cared to inform you. he does not have a genuine interest or curiosity about you, other than what flatters him or gets him compliments about what a good father he was. no matter how much time and effort you put into that cohort, the abyss gazes back.

>>33241354
Well, you've described most of the fathers I know. What made men this way?

Look up emotional unavailability. That's likely what you're going through with your dad. It'll help you find resources by giving a name to it.

With my dad what's (sort of) working, is being up front about wanting a closer relationship, that the distance hurts. It hasn't fixed things outright but he's making more of an effort and making it clear I can call him more often too.

>>33241130 (OP)
Spend time with him. Even if it's not fun. My dad used to like to watch football on TV. It bored me but I made myself sit with him, and now some of my warmest memories of him are watching him get so excited over a game.