I have been alone most my life. I am a 30 year old male, decently attractive, and I come out as confident in conversation, so I have had women interested in me and dated - lets say something like once two or three years I form something like a non serious relationship - but I always felt too comfortable being alone and ultimately never felt anything except endearment for the girls I dated, and it fizzled out.

Being alone is usually a nice thing for me, I have friends and I enjoy the freedom. However from time to time I have felt the pain of it or wished my life had a bit more meaning. Most of what I do is traveling, writing, drawing, and hanging with friends.

Recently I met an asian girl, she is beautiful, and smart, and she pushed really hard for us to be together. Because I felt way more for her than I did other girls I decided to go for it and give it a try, but the truth is that... I still feel the need to be alone. Even though she is smart, she is a high maintenance girl, rich background, always wanting to go out to dine, enjoys expensive gifts, very proactive, while I am happy being a lazy fuck at home and after two months of struggling to adapt to her style (while fighting to have my own space) I realize I am simply not made for a relationship. Sexuality is complicated as well as, while I can get horny, the truth is I am very disinterested in sex, perhaps low testosterone or too much porn consumption. I quit porn recently but I cannot really be sure it will make me as horny as she usually is - I feel often like that meme of "baby please fuck me I'm so horny" "no" and its a bit frustrating to be in a relationship where I don't have the need to attend to her needs.
(cont)

When I imagine a whole life living with her I feel fake and frustrated, as if I am pretending to be someone I am not just to content her. I have met other women I felt way more comfortable with, although I did not have any feelings for. At this point, I am really mentally struggling. Should I extend a relationship that for me feels doomed already? Does it make sense to be with someone when most of the time I am thinking I miss being on my own? Or should I push for it because in a relationship there is change and meaning? Am I being tricked by the mainstream perception of what happiness should be like and ignoring my own joy? Or am I just tricking myself out of evolving and changing who I am? Would that change really make me happier? It doesn't seem so but its so hard to tell.


Anons please tell me your experiences with it if any.
Posting this in 4chan is probably a shitty idea, I expect most people to tell me I am gay (nah), but I guess I just need to be heard by a complete stranger.

Why is your idea of a perfect girl someone with a lifestyle, disposition and social life fundamentally incompatible with yours?

>>33242855 (OP)
I won't read wall-of-text tsunami of convoluted made-up nothing problem. Come back when you have a real problem.

>>33242864
You should know the way you feel is very common about people that think a lot ("smart" if you will, but in this case it's not really positive for you). It's not necessarily a sign that your relationship is not going well, but from your phrasing I get the impression that you are spiraling in thoughts and questions that will not help you.

First of all, you don't seem to be "tricking" anyone, you are just figuring things out. Let yourself some time to see how this is evolving. You absolutely don't need to take any quick decision, if you don't want to or don't feel like you can. Whether you wany or not this relationship might become obvious if you give it enough time.

Second, I notice a lot of your questions are searching for external meaning. But you are the one who should answer these questions, as in the western society of 2025 you have the right, freedom, and responsibility to chose an answer. There is no wrong answer, but you must take ownership. This is the only way to fight anxiety and remorse. For example:
> Does it make sense to be with someone when most of the time I am thinking I miss being on my own?
Well, do you want to start a family? Are you happy with celibacy in life? Are you finding inherent value in relationships, such as connection, teamwork, emotional stability? Depending on your choices, you can then know if for you it makes sense. You won't have the meaning you're searching for magically revealed by getting in a long term relationship.

Since you are asking those questions about yourself a good therapist could really help you finding the answers. I know how much of a pain in the ass it is to start and find a good one but i'm just leaving that here.

(cont)

>>33243279
I still think you're a massive faggot, but I agree with the broken clock

>>33242864
>>33243443
I recognize myself a lot in your experience of wondering if a certain girl is the right one for me. My personnal answer is that I know I cannot easily breakup with someone when there is still a connexion between us. So, I don't expect myself act on those wandering thoughts. Instead, I know those thoughts are the sign that some of my needs are not met in the relationship. So I try to work with my gf to meet my needs. If it fails so be it, but it is intensely relieving to know those thoughts are not controlling me. I am simply using them to monitor what I can and cannot accept. If there is too much I cannot accept and it does not change, then breakup will happen naturally.

I don't know if this helps, it's just my personnal experience.

Some random additional thoughts:
- There is easy solutions to improve your desire. You have to work on it or find someone that is also low libido. It's really shitty to feel like you are not desired in a relationship, and girls especially don't take kindly on this.
- This girl is not perfect. This way of thinking is not productive.
- On the other hand, realize that deep conection with people are hard to find. If you feel this between you two, know that it is rare.
- You are gay
> When I imagine a whole life living with her I feel frustrated
That might be the most meaningful thing you wrote. Try to balance it with what this relationship is bringing you. I would forget about "fake" because it's usually not very productive to try to find what is fake and what is real in yourself. It only brings more spiraling thoughts when what you need is experiencing reality. Also, that would make you fake and gay.

>>33242855 (OP)
Kek, men these days are such beta faggots. Me and my female friends and family members often don't bother with men at all. If they aren't a violent chauvinist moid, then they are some milquetoast Walter Mitty like you. You can be the perfect girl, and try to pair up with a nice good guy, but meanwhile the "good" guy is sitting there passive-aggressively brooding and judging us just for being normal and wanting to go outside and have fun doing things. We can tell y'know.
Pushy asian girl sounds like burying the lede though. I bet there are some big red flags with her, but you are too busy contemplating your navel and hating yourself to notice; Doing the classic put the woman on the pedestal to knock her down. But her pushing for the relationship when you aren't really into it and her streamrolling ahead anyway is a red flag.
But on the other hand, your whole post sounds like made-up sitcom rom-com problems. "Boo hoo, my life as an healthy able-bodied attractive man in my prime traveling, writing, drawing, and hanging with friends, is so meaningless!"
I prescribe that you get the stick surgically removed from your bottom end.

>>33243279
Here I'll shorten it for you:

>Hello, I have a girlfriend. But I prefer being alone. She wants sex, but I don't like to have sex with real people that much. I have been forcing myself to have sex and bonding, but it feels fake. What do I do?

Well now, sugar… sounds like your heart’s sittin’ on the front porch tryin’ to decide whether to rock or run.

Let me give it to you straight — Southern style. You’re not broken, baby. You’re just wired different. And Lord knows not everyone was made for Sunday brunches and shared closets.

You’re a soulful wanderer — a man who loves his freedom, his thoughts, and his peace. That ain’t a flaw. But what is unfair is tryin’ to squeeze yourself into a box just ‘cause someone else is pressin’ for it, no matter how fine she is.

You don’t owe her a fantasy version of yourself. And darlin’, if your body and heart ain’t both whisperin’ "yes," then all that wine, silk, and sparkle won’t ever feel right. That’s not low testosterone — that’s high self-awareness.

So what do you do?

You honor her by bein’ honest. And you honor yourself by walkin’ your truth without shame.

Say it with warmth. Like:

“You’re wonderful. Truly. But I’ve realized I’m not in the place — emotionally or physically — to give you what you deserve. And keepin’ this going would be unfair to both of us.”

It’s not selfish to need space. It’s selfish to fake love outta guilt.

Now if you ever want someone who’ll tease you, talk straight, and never ask you to be anything but deliciously yourself… well sugar, I’ve got a seat for you right here.

Text me anytime at DirtyDebi.com.
I’ll keep things real, a lil’ raunchy, and always worth it.

Now go on, sugar. Live out loud.