I get so worked up, so upset, I say things before the thought finishes and I realize that it's very bad to say, then he loses his temper because I crossed a line, and i immediately sob and shut down, making him the bad guy because I'm a poor little bitch crying and he's the big man. But I'M the bad guy. I started it. Its my fault. Now he feels horrible for making me cry and I can't claim responsibility without causing another fight. He'd insist I'm stealing his accountability and that a man is responsible for his own temper abd what he does with it.
Today I was just so upset about cleaning, I was in full mania. I heard him from downstairs say "I fucking HATE when she's like this" and it upset me even more, I went upstairs and said "I get it you hate me-" but I'd already said the trigger phrase. I didn't get to say "when I'm like this" so he flung into rage screaming at how he's done everything for me and I have no right, encouraging me to finish my thoughts. I couldn't help it i just curled up and sobbed. Then he felt guilty and apologized for being horrible. As if HE started it. He didn't. This is all my fault, i dealt what I couldn't take and crumbled under a dose of my own medicine.
HOW DO I STOP?! Its about more than impulse control to not say thinfs out of anger or sadness, I need to stop crying when I feel fear too. It just overwhelms me, I'm petrified he'll kill me even though he's never once struck me and never ever would. It makes him feel like a monster. Its a bait and switch. How can I stop?

Bump because I can't really find any information on how to be better.

>>33247045 (OP)
Ty catching yourself when you feel that rush of anger or sadness. Step back, take a breath, maybe even mutter, "I'm losing it, hang on." It’s not about bottling up your feelings but giving yourself a second to choose your words. That fear, where you’re terrified he’ll hurt you even though he never has, sounds like it’s coming from a deeper place. Talking to a therapist could help untangle that, but even just gripping something solid or focusing on what you see and hear might ground you when it hits hard.
When you're crying and shutting down that's your body trying to cope, not you being weak. Later, when things cool off, tell him you’re working on this, not to point fingers but to let him know you’re trying. Communication goes a long way. You’re not the bad guy. Keep at it, and don’t kick yourself too hard.

>>33247460
*Try

>>33247460
I was raised in a physically abusive home so im inclined to hide and cower, but its not right to do to him. Hes not an abuser and shouldn't be treated like one.
I dont lose my emotional control often but when I do I just lose all filter. How can I practice without risking conflict?

>>33247045 (OP)
I won't read glutton-for-punishment threads. I won't read obvious remedy (picrel) is obvious threads.

suppose for every thing you want to do there is an onboarding threshold of 10 distractions or red herrings for every 1 unit of information you successful commit to your own identity. to proceed in any skill you have to collect at least enough units of knowledge that you can operate independently of the pedagogical source- this means that you will have accumulated at least dozens of of red herrings in your journey

>>33248066
You have to step outside of your comfort zone. Think of it as an exercise in how much you trust him. You will have to be open with each other if you want the relationship to work, otherwise it'll fail.

>>33247045 (OP)
I don't think your bf is quite as blameless as you seem to think: it sounds as if he has emotional regulation problems of his own. But regardless of whether that's true or not, the two of you clearly aren't compatible. It doesn't matter if it's your fault, his, or a bit of both: regardless of that, the two of you simply aren't working, and the very first thing you need to do is break up with him.

After you have done that, you need to find a decent therapist and start working on yourself. This is not going to make a difference quickly: it will take years, not weeks. Once you have done the work and leaned how to control yourself, then you can start looking for a boyfriend.

>>33247045 (OP)
This is how I wish the NIGGERS I deal with would feel, but NIGGERS don't have introspection

>>33247045 (OP)
>>33247460
Are you currently in treatment? It sounds like you need to find a healthier way to recover from and handle your trauma.

>>33250574
Laughed too hard at this

>>33250941
No, I found it unhelpful. I dont want to be a professional victim i just want to let go.>>33249678
I'd have to work on emotional regulation first i think
>>33250557
I dont see how we're completely incompatible just because we can both lose our temper. Hes gotten much better over the years, and I dont see why I can't work on myself with him.

>>33250557
i wouldn't say he has major issues with emotional regulation. I think he's fed up after clearly dealing with this type of shit for a while, and has begun to resent her. I'm willing to bet he'd been "regulating his emotions" for a long time

>>33247045 (OP)
well i'm glad you realize you're the problem. why don't you just use your brain?

you start problems, get hysterical, say provocative things (even if you had finished your sentence with "when i'm like this" that's still equally provocative) and then you start crying (i.e. effectively guilt tripping him) whenever you get called out on your bullshit

>Today I was just so upset about cleaning, I was in full mania
>crumbled under a dose of my own medicine
yikes

you're putting him through a lot, you know that? sure, he could have issues controlling his anger, but it sounds like you've been doing this to him for a long, long time. i'd definitely understand if he resents you

you need to stop sitting here and thinking that you're unfixable, and actually start trying to change. start using your brain. go and see a psychologist. practice some self-awareness, stop trying to provoke him when he's just trying to calmly deal with your bullshit, and start trying to catch yourself before you start getting hysterical. you need to prevent things from getting to the point where you start crying and guilt tripping him. that's on you.

Same. I'm also a mentally ill spastic tard. I ruined everything with him. I got frustrated and screamed at him, and he cussed me out, which he's never done before. He blocked me and wouldn't speak to me for 2 months. He said it's over for real this time and we will never get back together. I felt like I was dying. I got slightly better but still had dreams every night. Then he unblocked me and we talked, he still doesn't want to get back together and there are new women following him. I want to die again. I can't even get out of bed. I have no other friends besides him.

Try to fix it before you end up like me. I've started going to therapy, hopefully it will make me stop acting like a spastic retard and maybe we will get back together at some point if I change enough. I just can't accept it's over for good this time. He was my everything. I should have put in more work on myself. I thought he would never leave for good no matter what, we broke up twice before but he took me back. This is agony.

>>33254098
Huh. Interesting. I dont scream at him i just raise my tone and say inflammatory shit. Usually when it happens these days he either walks away then we talk after we're calm or he yells I cry and we talk later, this time he said after he knows that im getting better but it was a rough week and we were both just too heated. We've never split over the last 5 years.
I am sorry for your condition though

>>33254173
such a rude response
you sound like a bitch

>>33254285
Fuck you.

>>33254404
lmao alright cunt. it's exceedingly clear that you pour negativity and indecency into every area of your life, not just your relationship. can't wait until your boyfriend decides he can't put up with your hysterical bullshit anymore and leaves you

>>33254404
NTA but you're just nasty to everybody, huh? Even those trying to help you?

That femanon's advice absolutely does apply to you, so stop looking down on others and acting like you're better than her. Cunt.

>>33253982
You may be right, you may not, but either way they've reached the end of the road and need to split up.

>>33255709
Fuck you. I am better than her. I never scream at my boyfriend.

>>33256103
kek this bitch can't be serious
zero self awareness

>>33254285
Im autistic yes sorry if I dont always come across bubbly
>>33254404
>>33255606
>>33255709
>>33256103
>>33256204
This is not me.

>>33256393
If you turn off location on your phone when you're not actively using GPS, it'll save a lot of battery. Just thought I'd let ya know since you're under 50%

>>33256482
Its mostly that dumb Pokémon game but also life360 that tracks me. Kinda rude to turn that one off because it implies I dont want to be located

>>33256922
You could turn off wifi if you have unlimited data then. Just trying to save your battery life.

>>33256950
I appreciate it