I am curious if there is any sort of diagnosis (not necessarily medical just cannot think of a better word at the moment) suited for the way my mind has been working both for and against me the last half year or so
When my mind is working normally, as it is right now, I feel a strong desire to do things.
I view these things, even if i have put them off because of when my mind doesn't work, as opportunities to "do" more. To just be "active", and "achieve something". Really, they're just hobbies so Im just describing personal enjoyment.
I want to do them, do them, think of what's next or even what new things I could try
I just view things positively, proactively, etc.
When my mind doesn't work I basically feel the complete opposite. I do not want to do anything, or rather, feel no desire to do anything. In other words, I feel neutral, not negative. I don't engage in hobbies, I get bored quickly, I have no sense of wanting to achieve anything, and even doing small tasks feels insurmountable
It is as if wanting to do the task is sort of "locking in" a segment of time I will need to dedicate to it, time that I cant get back, one step closer to not having free time again (work but i dont dislike my job) until im home the next day
Nothing matters, feel rather cynical, etc.
These phases last about 3-4 weeks each. There is no discernible trigger. I have a cycle of feeling good, doing things, and being really proactive. And feeling bad, doing nothing - literally nothing with my time, and viewing trying as a negative thing
Sorry if I explained this poorly, feel free to ask questions if you care enough. For context when i researched this before, Bipolar II came up, seems similar but not exact, and Im not gonna self diagnose and make excuses
>>33258520 (OP)sounds kind of like type 1 bipolar disorder. mania is fundamentally a high energy phase, depression is a low energy phase. it's possible you have a relatively mild and liveable flavor of bipolar. enjoy the ride.
>>33259766maybe? Im just cautious with labeling myself with shit like that, idk it feels like cheating
That being said, the high energy phases dont always result in me DOING things, just wanting to
>>33259766Should mention that I am diagnosed type 1 bipolar. It started out pretty severe, but the last few decades it's been milder, very similar to what you describe.
>>33259781>the high energy phases dont always result in me DOING thingsmost of my manic phases resulted in me making lots of plans (sometimes elaborate ones), but not actually doing much beyond that.
>>33259797interesting.....dunno, it's something that just sort of started recently once i began working full time again, basically rotted for like 6 months straight
>>33260022Yeah mine started a few months after getting my first full time job. My psych said most bipolars start showing symptoms in their 20's, but that the later it starts the less severe and disabling it tends to be.
>>33258520 (OP)You are bipolar.
I'm guessing you are younger. It is in your genes but needs a trigger to activate. There is a kindling event that happens sometimes in your teens to early 20s that triggers a full blown episode.
Usually a serious life crisis or drugs.
Get on top of it now. If you are fairly well grounded and not a moron, you can figure it out with cognitive behavioral therapy and minimal medications.
If you just ignore it, each repeat episode starts destroying your brain. Then you end up homeless or in and out of hospitals.
I was diagnosed at 22, medication free for 16 years. 40 now and live a pretty normal life but still have some cycling.
>>33262197Everyone keeps saying this but like it doesn’t effect my job at all so I’m wondering if my story is being exaggerated in ways that make it seem like I’m something I’m not
Well either way wouldn’t hurt researching more and perhaps asking my doctor
Either way I’d like some more opinions / ways of dealing with this
Also in case it isn’t clear I want to state that it seriously feels like my entire mind switches when this thing happens
Just feels like I’ve woken up and my perception on everything 180s, as if I got a new brain and conscious
It’s so weird
How old are you?
If you are young you will find out when you end up in a hospital when one your moods gets too extreme. If not, you probably don't have a problem or you have cyclothymia.
That you are already considering this a problem and thinking it over is an indication that you are not overthinking things.
You see this a potential big problem in the future and are trying to figure it out.
Probably best to talk to a doctor before you find out the hard way.
Don't get any pills, just try to figure out what is wrong.
>>33258520 (OP)Sounds like my adhd desu. I thought I had bipolar because I would get so hyperhypo lol.
>>33266431It may also be this cause sometimes my focus revolves around my masturbation habits aka dopamine fried brain
>>3326637225
No I don’t think anything bad will happen
If anything the symptoms of all this bipolar stuff sound a bit too extreme
It’s just an insane slump where my mind feels to work differently
At 25, if you had bipolar you would had a major episode by now.
I don't know anon. You can bloodwork done and get your hormones checked from a few tubes of blood taken in one visit.
Since you mentioned masturbation, I actually quit PMO for 100 days straight before I relapsed.
The changes weren't as revolutionary as I thought, but I did have more focus and got better sleep. I also tended to be more aware of my surroundings.
I was basically me but maybe a 15% better version of myself. In my experience, the benefits of semen retention are exaggerated.
But you can try cutting more dopamine triggers out of your life. I've cut all drugs, coffee, processed sugar, cigarettes, alcohol from my life just because I feel better doing so, but this wasn't overnight. It was a decade long process.
strange even forcing myself to do things isn't too enjoyable
>>33268552He said his phases last 3-4 weeks. That qualifies as "major" in the DSM criteria.
>>33270968I should note the severity isn’t like debilitating
I basically just go to work then rot when I get home but nothing to ruin my life
It might just be adhd but even then I don’t enjoy things when I do focus on them so idk
>>33258520 (OP)Replace everything you said about your brain with arms, and "work" with "hold a 50lb weight over your head for days".
At no point in your life would you hold a weight over your head for an entire day, then the next day when your arms hurt you come on and complain to us and ask why your arms dont work. Youre not retarded. You know how muscle fatigue works.
Now understand, like your muscles, your brain is also a physical biological machine with limits that can be exhausted. And from the sounds of it you really seem to value productivity so youre probably really pushing it. So its no shock that youre going into low power mode.
Embrace the rest, drink water, eat healthy, dont stress and you'll heal faster, and dont push yourself and you wont crash so hard.
>>33259781>I feel like its cheatingCategorizing your issues is not cheating. I disagree with other anon, no way to get a diagnosis without a psychiatrist, this shits extremely complicated and multivariabled. And desu if you were bipolar we'd be talking "for 2 weeks I cant stop spending my money I think Im invincible and people tell me Im being irresponsible then I hate myself and wanna jump off a bridge for 2 weeks" more likely than "I have energy then I dont"
Regardless, a diagnosis isnt "cheating". Disorders aren't like some pathogen they give you and then you dont have to feel accountability anymore.
Its just how they categorize the fact there are other people who all have the exact same experience, then they can find common ground in causes, anf common coping strategies and treatments that work.
Its the opposite of cheating. Its being very proactive. If there was a diagnosis to draw here. But desu.
>>33272719Sounds like youre just pushing yourself and maybe not the best in terms of taking care of your sleep and nutrition and its catching up to you in cycles.
>>33272719Yes but I should not have months of time where I achieve nothing that isn’t normal
>>33272766You burn out, you lose all your habits while getting into a habit of doing nothing. This is very much possible. Also Mind sleep and nutrition. If youre not sleeping well, not keeping hydrated, not feeling yourself with the correct nutrients (health fats, high quality proteins, complex carbohydrates and getting your vitamins and minerals) you are going to be sick for long periods of time. B12 for example can do what youre describing. Vitamin D deficiency. Magnesium, poor hydration, so on.
And regardless none of this is the point. This could be a million things, exactly zero of which anyone online can diagnose through a screen. You need at minimum a biochemistry test from your GP, and if it is an issue like bipolar as others have mentioned, you need a psychiatrist. And calling finding your problem "cheating" will do zero favors for you.
>>33272814Yes I think I’m just very habitual so any day of inconsistency leads to large slumps rather than a day or two of rest
As far as diet goes I’m a pretty balanced eater mostly Whole Foods and such so
Although a coworker very confidentially told me it’s probably ADHD
Maybe I’m just dopamine fried
