I’m engaged for half a year and in relationship for 5 years. I recently met my friend that is a dentist now and does my teeth, she’s also in long relationship and engaged.

In the past we shared info that we used to fantasize about each other, but it’s been like 3 years ago (we’ve known for 7 years).

I haven’t seen her for a few years, and now that she’s my dentist, I think about her daily. We also text a bit, though from time to time she talks about her fiancée, which makes sense, but she’s also keeping the convo going even when I feel like it’s been exhausted and say something to ‚close’ it.

For whatever reason my stupid brain decided to make me think about her daily. What the fuck do I do? I learned some new stuff about her and she’s literally perfect, like why do I realize this only now? What should I do, any psychologist here that could explain to me what’s up?

>in relationship for 5 years
>fantasized about each other 3 years ago
Is your relationship worth throwing away for her? If yes, then go for it. Break up with your girlfriend and get her.
Do you want to keep your relationship? Change dentists and stop contacting her. Block her number.
Relationship is COMMITMENT. You should not be giving away you attention to other women, it’s embarrassing for both you and her. Plus your dentist probably only entertains it because women get a sick amount of pleasure from knowing a taken man is interested in them.

>>33262261
The thing is I’m not quite sure if she wants that as well.

I was doing all sort of scenarios in my head and I don’t know how this would look, but I basically think she might be anchored with her current fiancée, they are planning a wedding in a year time, have common friends and all that.

Same goes for me actually.. How do I know whether shes thinking about exact same thing as I do? Right now the convos are really casual, reminiscent of the past or sharing our hobbies/dish recipes.

It is all super hard, I do have mood swing thinking I can and should get her, then thinking that I am committed to much already and she is also..

>>33262232 (OP)
Stop texting her. Find another dentist. If she doesn't feel the same way as you, you are going to blow up your relationship because you're pining for her the whole time; if she does feel the same way, you're going to blow up your relationship AND HERS, which is even worse. You need to get out of this situation NOW before it gets worse.

> any psychologist here that could explain to me what’s up?
You don't know her very well, so you project perfection onto her, and you don't know enough about her for reality to get in the way of your projection. It's like a teenage girl getting a crush on a singer: you're in love with a mental image, not a real person.

>>33262513
That sounds super reasonable. And I think I might just listen to that!

Though I’m thinking, if we both blew it up with our current partners and got together, that wouldn’t be the worst outcome.

We known each other for 7 years so maybe that wouldn’t be this much of a wildcard. But nevertheless I don’t know how she feel and I don’t think I want to have that guilt in case we got together and she missed the other guy.

Thanks for the great response!

>>33262232 (OP)
Having been in a long term relationship, these fantasies are normal, but think of it nothing more than that, it's a temptation that lingers gradually when you've been in a comfortable relationship. It happens, sometimes but not often leaving your current partner for the next can work out, but I'd say those are cases of extreme unhappiness in the previous partner. You crave excitement, thinking of her makes you feel that. When you make decisions, always think of the long term result, do you want to give up your old life for that? It's your choice

>>33262709
We’re also discussing what I want, and not what she might want.

I think she actually might be happy with what she’s in right now. When we went out for Chinese food, she asked me first about my relationship, if I’m still in it - and only when I said that I’m engaged, she said she is also. That triggered a thought in my head that she was kind of afraid to say it first or something like that.. but then I think I am projecting stuff so I like the reality I’m in, even if it has nothing to do with the real world.

I think I should probably limit contact with her like the others have stated