Dudes I need some serious setting straight. I have a girl that's great and treats me like a king. I trust her, and I know she will be a fantastic wife and mother. I've never been more certain of an easy life with a loving wife.

But I'm just kinda, meh about it. She isn't particularly interesting or exciting or attractive to me..not bad just like, average. I enjoy being around her, but I'm not gonna lie I don't think I'm in love, if I even know what that is and I find myself constantly wanting more and thinking I can get a better woman. I am not trying to break up with her because I know the jackpot I've hit,, and I know I'm being retarded. but how do I learn to just be happy with it and not want more? How do I just feel happy and appreciate it?

>>33263492 (OP)
you'll get bored of fucking the same girl no matter how hot she is. if she's hot that just means you'll get bored later

>>33263492 (OP)
How do you know this won't happen again with the next lady? Maybe you're greedy and taking what you have for granted. Tread carefully but if you keep feeling this way ending it is better sooner rather than later.

>>33263500
>>33263511
I'm not sure desu. I've never dated a girl I felt like crazy for to begin with, it's always been a "this is the best choice available" kind of thing and in this particular case it is actually a really good thing, she's a stable, fun girl, and she's mildly attractive but I just feel like I'm cutting myself short of a true soulmate I have a deep connection with and attraction to.

But yeah it's entirely possible I'll never be satisfied and if that's the case I should just hunker down, just don't know

>>33263533
Love and soulmates aren't real. Kill the part of you that feels and reap the benefits

>>33263492 (OP)
>But I'm just kinda, meh about it.
So? Are you assuming that storybook super-passionate love is something that ever happens in real life? Fiction exaggerates everything in life and you shouldn't confuse lust or infatuation with actual love.
> I'm not gonna lie I don't think I'm in love
What is "love in your mind? Is it earnestly wanting to spend time with someone, enjoying making them happier, and looking forward to planning a future with them? That is love. You have already expressed gratitude for being in a relationship with this person and express a sense or honor and luck for having been chosen by her. Is that not "love" to you?
As someone who has been married for 15 years, what you think "love" is seems highly distorted and fanciful to me.
>I just feel like I'm cutting myself short of a true soulmate
There's no such thing. There are no moments of "stars aligning", nor serendipity, nor astrological fates synchronizing. Relationships are what you make of them together.

>>33263492 (OP)
as someone who's been with girls with whom everyday was a rollercoaster and girls with whom things settled into a lull pretty fast I can tell you the ones that offer you consistency and comfort are better in the long run, doesn't matter if that consistency is a bit boring.
Of course if she's so boring to you that you actively try not to be with her then it's a major problem
with the girl that things were more relaxed I was eager to be with her because the rest of the day and the rest of stuff was stressing and uncertain, she was a safe, relaxed space where I knew how things would go.
if the rest of your day is also kinda boring I'm not surprised a dull relationship is a burden but then again maybe make the rest of your day more exciting so chill time with her is not so bad.
just a suggestion.

>>33263492 (OP)
judging by the pic you posted, can i assume you consume cartoon demon porn? maybe thats misaligning your standards of an average uninteresting woman?

>>33263492 (OP)
>She isn't particularly interesting or exciting or attractive to me
Then in what sense will she be a fantastic wife?

>>33264232
She's nice to me, and goes out of her way to do things for me, serves me etc. has never once started a fight or caused a problem. That seems worth it's weight in gold.

However
>>33264167
I'm assuming love means to feel something dude. I'm mentally grateful and cognisant of her good qualities but I don't admire her, I don't "look forward to" seeing her or anything. It's nice when she's there and we have a good time, but communication, plans, even sex sometimes feels like an obligation more than something I'm like excited for. Im just kind of going through the motions because I know she's a good girlfriend, but I don't feel anything 90% of the time.
In fact I feel guilty a lot of the time, or uncertain like now which sucks.

>>33264186
Yeah I'm actively trying to talk to her about new things, show her things I'm more interested in, try to make our interactions more meaningful and fulfilling. I just wish some of it would be interesting, exciting, new ideas and opinions of her own volition, rather than me having to baby and teach her about, basically everything

You're not alone in feeling this. A lot of men wrestle with the tension between stability and desire. What you're experiencing is the quiet disillusionment that comes when reality doesn’t match the fantasy we've built up (especially in a world that constantly bombards you with highlight reels, idealized women, and the myth of “the one”). You’re lucky enough to have someone loyal, loving, and reliable. But your brain, shaped by novelty and comparison, is whispering that it’s not enough. That’s not love’s failure. That’s dopamine addiction and a culture of disposability.

You need to understand that long-term happiness is about values and character alignment, not constant excitement. The “spark” fades in every relationship. Lust and infatuation are meant to die. It’s nature’s bait. What remains is chosen love: showing up every day, investing in someone who shows up for you. You don’t have to “feel” in love 24/7. No one does. What matters is how you act, who she is, and whether you want to build a life with her. By the way, what are you doing to make her interesting to you? Boredom often says more about you than her. Shared projects, vulnerability, challenges, even play: all of this creates deeper bonds. You’re not a passive observer of your own life; you’re a participant. If you want magic, help create it. It's also worth examining your pride. You say she’s great, but not hot or exciting enough. Ask yourself: are you aiming for admiration from others, or actual peace? Do you want a wife, or a trophy? Ego will ruin a good thing if you let it.

Gratitude isn’t a feeling, it’s a practice. Remind yourself daily: she loves you, she’s loyal, and she’s enough. That doesn’t mean settling. It means maturing. You’re not “retarded” for feeling this way, but you will be if you throw it all away chasing a ghost. Be the man your good fortune deserves.

>>33265120
This is a very good piece of advice, I appreciate it and I'll do my best to take it to heart

>>33265071
>I don't "look forward to" seeing her or anything
Then you don't love her. She's a pet, not a partner.

>>33263729
Yeah, just resign yourself to a life of mediocrity and domestic slavery to a woman you don't even like.

>>33266982
Isn't that better than "liking" a woman and dealing with a difficult, nagging, argumentative, wretched person?

>>33267301
Both of these alternatives are bad. Be stuck with a mediocre woman you don't give a fuck about or be stuck with nagging piece of shit wife can't be the only two options in life. Even being alone would be better than that.

>>33267337
I have never met a beautiful, self assured, independent, curious, mature, intelligent woman, who was also caring, loving, unselfish, not argumentative, and domestic.

Just have never seen it happen. Maybe it exists and those girls are probably all grabbed up or out of my league anyway, if I ever even had the dice roll of meeting one to begin with. But in my 15 years or so and 30+ women of dating it's not happened yet. At least this one is nice to me and prioritizes my happiness

>>33267337
That's image is the cringiest shit I have read in a month

>>33263492 (OP)
So as I understand it:
You know your emotions aren't correct
And you're making excuses for them instead of owning up to them and sorting them out.
Do you have a a vagina? If not, stop acting like it.

>>33267831
I have not the first idea what "sorting then out" would mean in this scenario. Breaking up? Talking to her about it? Trying to shoo away those emotions and force new ones until it's habit?

>>33268089
You'd be reminding yourself WHY feeling different is more real and important to you than feeling the way you currently do. That should summon forth the feeling.

It's not exciting to you because it sounds like there is no chaos or volatility. We often confuse these chaotic feelings with the spark or "real" love. You should try and do the work to pull your own weight and communicate to your person that this is what's going on. Many people would do so much for what it sounds like you have.

>>33263492 (OP)
>but I'm not gonna lie I don't think I'm in love, if I even know what that is

This is what you need to be digging into, and thinking about. Why do you think you don't know what being in love is/feels like? Why are you in a relationship with a woman you don't know that you feel love for, and aren't attracted to?

>>33263492 (OP)
This is my wife. We get along super well, she loves me and takes care of me. She would never cheat on me, she's literally disgusted by other men. We've been married 9 years and I've loved her for 6 months of it. I just don't have strong feelings toward her other than "Yeah, what a good friend I have here."
Don't get married OP, you'll live in a prison of your own making forever.

>>33263492 (OP)
What are your experiencing is somebody that is perfect on paper but you truly feel nothing for them. Weirdly enough love doesn't make any sense. There is no science or explanation behind it if you feel for someone you feel for someone that's all there is to it and clearly it sounds like yeah she's great but you don't feel for her and that's okay.

I remember dating a woman that on paper we were perfect for each other on every aspect when it came to the actual relationship, I felt numb. I tried to love her but I really couldn't despite how aligned and similar we both were.

Now I'm dating somebody else me and her have nothing in common except for very small things yet our dynamic and chemistry just works for someone reason. We truly are in love. And maybe it's the fact because we are different.

I think the best example I can describe this is: my partner doesn't really understand why I consider GG Allin as my Idol. But she loves me enough to get me a piece of memorabilia as a gift. And that goes for the other end of the stick as well. I don't understand why she loves window shopping so much but I gladly do it as an activity with her because I love the fact that it makes her smile.

So basically if your partner doesn't make you happy that means this person isn't someone you should be able to relationship with.

>>33263492 (OP)
Mid women give me the -ick. Ugly women I just feel sorry for them for maybe one second then look away but mid women give me the ick, especially when they open their mouth about some inane bullshit nobody cares about.

>>33268866
Actually, to add onto that, why are you in a relationship at all when you don't know what being in love is?

>>33263500
Bullshit

>>33263492 (OP)
Its really not a good idea to get together with someone you're so-so on. It inevitably ends up in a dead bedroom or cheating or a messy break up when you inevitably stumble over a girl who really pushes your buttons.
The other alternative is a life of boring mediocrity where you both flee into mundane copes in order to not be around each other too much. Just check some of those stereotypical boomer couples, and you know exactly what I mean .

>>33268113
I genuinely don't understand

>>33268277
That sounds possible. Its stupid on my part, but possible. Not sure how to overcome that

>>33268866
>>33269177
Because I want to have a family? Look I've had multiple girlfriends, plenty of other small short things etc. I can earnestly say: I'm not sure what love is. Any girl I've ever met that I was like "wow, this is something special, we just work" was never a girl I ended up with, they all ghosted me or some shit. All the women I've actually dated, I thought maybe I loved, or I would fall in love with, but I generally just picked the hottest piece of ass that would take me. Those all ended up being nutcases, or just bad matches.
So now I finally said "alright, I need someone who is good wife material, we can build a connection but she just needs to be a stable, good, reliable, etc partner".
And I found my current gf. And that love I had hoped we could build, just never really came for me. I think? I've never had any form of gut feelings towards her. And I've never had any sense of peace or certainty of "this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life is". That's my idea of what love is, but how should I know.

>>33268877
You never just like grew to like her more or just grew to accept the numbness?

>>33268894
Well I wouldn't say she doesn't make me happy. She does a lot for me and it feels nice, but yeah it's not like, that level of obvious chemistry you're talking about. We don't really have chemistry, although I'm sure she thinks we do lol. I've been trying to fake it til I make it, but it's weighing on me

>>33263492 (OP)
i also fear this. i yearn for someone who can stand up to me but at the same time i know i could use more stability and someone to fall back to. "no matter whether you do or don't you'll regret it either way" is a quote that fits nicely. maybe we were never destined to make that one final right decision but to always keep erring

>>33270572
In that case, allow me to share a bit of wisdom from a long time married woman I befriended;
"Marry your best friend that you don't mind the idea of fucking."

There’s enough chemistry for her to still be with you. You can ask what she likes about you and lean into that more. Expect to have a few things ready if she asks the same from you. You can even cop out by saying that you’re kinda retarded and words don’t come easy to you or something.

Do more things for her. Compliments and physical affection are an easy place to start and they work wonders.

Go out on an overnight date. Camping. Cabin camping at a state park. Cheap hotel. Doesn’t need to be expensive or anything. Listen to an audiobook like Ice Planet Barbarians while you drive wherever you’re going with her.