Thread 33263655

For all my LTR and happily married anons,
What actually matters in a woman?
What things in the relationship and in her looks, personality, lifestyle actually matter for the relationship to work, remain working, and you to be happy?
Her looks? Her career? Education? Mutual interests? Same values? Her family? Children? Effort? Humor?

It's hard to really figure out the difference between what works and what is just feelings or overthinking

>>33263655 (OP)
I've talked to a girl about a year ago, they are mostly shallow and have no personality, best avoid them alltogether and wait for them to come to you, it will happen if you're hot and have money, maybe even swat them off if they're mid and disturb you.

>>33263655 (OP)
Who fuckin knows, it's just RNG and if you stick with it with minimal problems you'll probably be fine

>>33263655 (OP)
it's different for every person but I can tell you just looks only take you so far, you stay with someone mostly because of pretty much everything else

>>33263655 (OP)
>What actually matters in a woman?
Temperament, forgiveness, and gratitude/consideration.

What actually matters long-term isn't the checklist you start with, it's how the two of you respond to life together. That said, some traits consistently show up in successful, lasting relationships:

>values and worldview
Shared views on family, faith, money, loyalty, raising kids, and what's "good" in life are huge. You don’t need identical opinions, but you must align on the big stuff or it’ll wear you down.
>temperament and emotional stability
A relationship thrives when one or both partners can de-escalate, self-regulate, apologize, and handle conflict without turning cold, spiteful, or explosive. Drama may feel passionate early on, but it becomes poison over time.
>kindness and effort
The most beautiful quality in the long run is consistency in small things: affection, support when you're low, real listening, genuine care. It's not about grand gestures, it's about who shows up, every day.
>respect and admiration
You need to respect each other, and I mean it. If she looks down on you, or you on her, it will erode love. You should admire each other not just for achievements, but character. That is, resilience, courage, integrity, etc.
>physical attraction
Looks matter, but not in a social media way. It’s about that spark that makes you want her, and how well you keep that alive with intimacy, effort, and mutual desire. Compatibility here is underrated. >>33264048 was spot on too.
>humor and shared joy
Life is a bitch. If you can laugh together, it’s worth gold. Inside jokes and playfulness create bonds that survive dry spells and bad days. Career, education, and interests are also a bonus. They matter if they affect core compatibility. A difference in status or ambition isn’t fatal, but mismatched priorities often are. So figure that stuff before anything else.

tl;dr --> Find someone who’s willing to grow with you. Looks fade, life throws punches. Character, trust, and effort are what carry you through.

>>33264182
this is one of the best posts ive seen on this awful site, wow

>>33264182
this is beautifully written and true

as a married man for 25 years THIS checks off everything for me in my marriage

>>33264700
Worst attitude on this website.

>>33264182
This is good advice

So what would you (or any anon I guess) sat about a woman that has a few of but not all of these qualities?
Let's say we're united on worldview, kindness and effort is there and plentiful, humor and shared joy is easy. But even if she respects you, you don't really have that for her. Or if you're not really as attracted to her as you'd like to be and don't really desire her sexually? Or if say she doesn't respond to life situations well and you feel like you always have to be the adult in things? Being specific for a reason here.

Does everything else make up for it? Is there a certain level of give and take on these?

>>33266807
Honest answer is: it depends, but some things are harder to compromise on than others. Shared worldview, kindness, and joy are huge. Many people live without even that. But a few missing pieces (especially the ones you mentioned) can eat away at love over time if they’re not addressed:

>lack of respect (on your side)
If you don't truly respect her (her judgment, her inner strength, her way of handling life, etc.) it will show. Even if you're kind, even if you're loyal. That internal cringe or quiet frustration turns into distance. It’s hard to love someone you feel above.

>lack of desire
I'll repeat myself again: attraction isn’t everything, but it's not nothing. If you never feel pulled to her physically, or you’re dragging yourself through intimacy, that will take a toll. On BOTH of you. Resentment or guilt replaces connection. That said, sometimes attraction grows when admiration and emotional safety deepen (but not always).

>uneven maturity
Being the "adult" all the time is really fucking draining. Long-term, that imbalance can feel like parenting your partner, not loving them. Compassion is good, but caretaking without reciprocity builds quiet resentment. You’ll feel alone even while together.

Relationships involve give and take. No one gets 100%. But certain imbalances, especially in respect, desire, and shared responsibility, aren’t just quirks: they're fault lines. If those missing pieces stay missing, it’s usually not sustainable. If there’s room for growth, conversation, and shared effort to bridge the gaps, it might be. Ask yourself: “Can I accept her as she is if nothing ever changes?” That answer matters more than any checklist.

>>33263655 (OP)
Is she good at blowjobs? All else pales beside this question

Unironically, sexual compatibility is really really high up.
If one of you doesn't like it, but the other does, then your relationship will never be really great for at least one of you.

The other thing is communication. If you can't properly communicate your wishes, issues and even just what you're actually doing, you will not have a healthy relationship.
This is also why avoidant people should never try to be in a relationship, they will only end up hurting the other person.

>>33263655 (OP)
what actually matters in a woman you ask? everything, everything matters but no one is flawless or perfect there will always be something that you will consider a fault
maybe she is the most kindest, hottest, best in bed but she is promiscuous and has many guys friends and you are constantly doubting her
maybe she is loyal, gorgeous and you have the most romantic sex possible but she can change on a whim flip around and abuse you
maybe she is perfect in every way and but the two of you dont have any sex, or maybe you are a cuck
long story short
you dont get to choose most people just settle with what cards they are dealt when it comes to dating

>>33264182
>>33266923
Best posts I've seen on this site in months.

Thank you, Spider Man Anon. I will remember you and your advice, and integrate it into my future relationships.

Godspeed

>>33272481
dude i don't know couples who have been together longer than a few years who aren't sexually incompatible in at least that he wants more sex than she does, i think an important component of successful, happy, long-term marriages are the guy eventually giving up on getting as much sex as he would otherwise want
>inb4 people claiming they have freaky sex twelve times a day for 20 years straight blahblah
you are the exception, congratulations. you can look up tons of research clearly displaying the majority of female libidos decline with age while males stay steady

>>33263655 (OP)

#1 rule is don't date a whore. Whether someone is a whore is independent of everything you've listed and some are very good at hiding it, you can find a girl at church and she still might crave cock like oxygen or find an alt chick with tattoos who is passionate about growing plants indoors and has only had 1 boyfriend before. These are outliers, but basically you need to hone down on this single factor before everything else, and as long as you're not a complete fuck up congrats you've made it.

Much easier said than done

>>33263655 (OP)

Why subject yourself to the institution of holy matrimony if you aren't religious? You sure you want 1 stable relationship with 1 woman? This is already a large sacrifice for a man.

You want kids? Then you want a woman with values to raise them. That cuts out 90% of girls below 24 who aren't volunteering or at least at church.

Three months after you meet her, you gotta decide if she is worth sacrificing everything for. Not before 3 months, not after. The answer is either Definitely Yes; or ''Not Definitely Yes" -> fuck off after honeymoon phase if you are seriously looking for The One.

Watch Hannah Frye ted talk on secretary problem.

The odds are against you, pray for a miracle.

>>33273948
quit overthinking man, as long she's not a hoe and you like each other it'll be fine. you're gonna struggle over your life you can't avoid it and frankly you're just wasting energy spinning your wheels even trying to minimize it, so just embrace difficulty and sacrifice and you'll have good life

if people don't like you you're gonna have a shitty time regardless of you