>>33265329 (OP)sounds like you need to stop thinking of yourself as a person. try whating some youtube vids on ego death. Youre identifying too much with who youve convinced yourself you are. you can be the biggest scumbag or retarded leach and it shouldnt impact how much you enjoy the gift of life.
so how do you stop hating yourself? get rid of the delusion that there is a self to hate. whatch some youtube on it to explain it better than me