my boyfriend and i have been dating since september 2022, and were unofficially an item for a year before.

its been almost four years that we've been together. he's 21, i'm 22. should i start thinking about marriage? if he doesn't propose in x months/years, i should leave? or due to our age, does the marriage "timer" start now?

>>33266011 (OP)
There are no rules or timers. It's all up to what you want and it's up to you to figure it out.

And you also have to communicate what you want with him. Tons of women don't do this for some fuckin reason. Just tell him, god damn it. Fucking idiot women.

>>33266033
i just don't want to seriously bring it up to him if it's not reasonable & don't want to freak him out. looking for a temperature check.

Love is love.

And for the love of God stop asking your libtard ultra feminazi friend Becky for advice. Becky makes some of the most batshit insane things about men to women. Becky would go there looking at a man who has his act together and be perfect and all and ask, "girl, is he hidin' somethin'. I think he gay. He too damn good to be true." What is too damn good to be false Becky? Becky would say a guy wearing glasses and who is quiet all the time because his father told him to shut up all the time is a serial killer. Becky also would say that if a guy is into anime shows he is a pedo, and I'm like why. "Oh he watch cartoon girls in high sc-" which has me scratching my head in confusion. Or even my favorite when Becky shows up to someone like me's house, sits there be's quiet and then I ask if you want to do something together says nah I'm good, and then texts her friends at how I'm the most boring guy she has met because I'm not taking her through a trip in the slums doing wild things. Or even Becky who is living with her parents assumes that me living with my parents is an awful thing when really I'm trapped with my parents at 30 not purposely living with them. Becky has no idea how the economy works by the way.

Okay, rant done. I'm pretty sure Becky is chill and cool, but whenever there is outlandish stuff about your husband, do not listen to Becky.

>>33266064
fascinating, thank you

>>33266011 (OP)
This is a reasonable question to him. There are a ton of guys who waste too much time and you should figure out if hes going to do that.

>>33266046
It will never be reasonable because he has no reason to marry you. Think about it. What is he not getting from that he would get if he married you? Most likely nothing. Even if he dated you for forty years there would still be no good reason to tie the knot.

>>33266011 (OP)
If a man does not propose marriage within a year, it's because he doesn't want to marry you ever, not because he's waiting for the "right" time. Keep in mind that the average guy gets married at around 30 years old and usually goes through like half a dozen women first. Most likely he sees you as a temporary hole and has no serious intentions, especially if it's already been three entire years. My recommendation to you is that you should never encourage a man to marry you, just date him for one year and if he doesn't do it naturally, separate.

>>33266473
What the fuck? Who is marrying after just one year? Delusional. It takes longer than that to vet out anyone completely.

OP, you shouldn't worry about marriage until you both know for sure what the rest of your life looks like and if you and that other person see both of you being able to be a part of that future, end of story.

Early twenties is probably too early to even consider a lifelong choice like marriage. Let your brain finish growing first. Get a career and see if you both still live in the same place in a few years. So much can change and people can want very different things that make an absolute commitment impossible at that moment in time.

You should be faithful, but marriage only works for people at the corner turn of their life, when they are comfortable and know what works after many years. They call it "settling down" for a reason, and you're both too young to understand where your lives will go right now. Don't jump the gun on it and ruin what you have if you can help it. Are you even sure you want to be married to this person? That answer could change in just a few years right now. Think of it like getting a tattoo. Don't make a lifelong decision now you will regret later, or do something you aren't ready for

>>33266011 (OP)
>if he doesn't propose in x months/years, i should leave?
If he doesn't propose, propose to him instead.

>>33266273
fundamentally, i have mentioned it "informally" because i don't want to overstep and make things too serious or set expectations that aren't reasonable -- and he has been largely ambivalent. he has said things to the effect of "we'll see how it goes" while also saying "i can't imagine a life without you." i wonder if we've been together for long enough for this to be "endgame," or we've been together for long enough that the shoe has to drop -- either we take the next step or we don't.

>>33266496
i really appreciate this perspective, but i can't help fearing about wasting time before realizing whether or not it (marriage) will happen. i understand that we are so young, but in that way, i wonder if we should be empowered to move on (or how you say "jump the gun") rather than waste our twenties away. it's obviously different for men than women, in the sense that youth is so much more important for me than him, but if putting pressure on him for marriage is justified, it could be beneficial for us both.

what inspired this was a dinner with his extended family, where i witnessed the first marriage joke at his and my expense. i would get married to him in a second if he asked, but that's just female nature.

>>33266011 (OP)
I hear a lot of people wait until they or their partner finish College and graduate before getting married. If he's completing a 4 year degree I can understand waiting until that is done before moving forward with marriage.