The oldest of my GF's kids told her mom when they were spending time alone together that that I act more like a father than her own father does. This is after spending 4 weeks here on summer vacation, with the only other in-person time together being at last year's winter break. For context, I'm a NEET who helps my older mom run errands and when with my GF and her kids, do chores and help out, clean, etc. I don't bring any income to the table.

Their actual father has a stay-at-home job and primary custody of the 3 kids, plus a kid with another woman (who also has a stay-at-home job) and she has 2 kids from two different men before him. They all live in a single-family home across the country.

What does /adv/ think about this situation? I don't know what I did to warrant having that said about me. I'm happy, yet I don't know if that's kudos to me, an indictment on their father or both.

>>33271372 (OP)
Both an indictment of the father and a kudos for you. Congrats, OP, whatever you're doing, it's helping to raise those kids so keep up the good work

fuck neets. they are too young to realize you are just a piece of shit

I wish I could be more like that. Sounds to me you're very responsible.

>>33271527
Most of the raising for their school year has and will be done across the country. My GF and I's focus while they're here is to let them decompress from the chaotic household over there, get exposure to our area and provide positive experiences. Those things, plus getting their dental and eye exams done which their dad didn't do for over 2 years. Their mom is a champ for handling all of the actual difficult things for that. I simply supervised the kids who weren't getting checked at that moment.

>>33271550
Time will tell on that front.

>>33271634
To quote Eminem, "cause I am whatever you say I am, and if I wasn't then why would I say I am?" In all seriousness though, I just keep myself willing, available and attentive when with them. It's all I'm able to provide really. If that's all it takes, then I guess you're right. I definitely don't know what I'm doing, as I take it day-by-day.

>>33271372 (OP)
>What does /adv/ think about this situation?
Cucked bait

>>33272745
>Cucked bait
Not really, in all honesty. My friend group doesn't really have any fathers or step-fathers at my age, so I'm looking for other persoectives and insight from here.

an aside, but i don't get how people can divorce someone they had kids with, and then make a new family with a person who also had kids of their own.
if i marry a chick, have kids with her, and divorce, i don't see myself getting into another LTR ever again, just casual relationships and focusing on my kids.

anyways OP, it's a good feeling but once they mature they might see you in a different light. the "you're not my dad!" during a tough argument will get thrown eventually, and their mother will not give you priority in disciplining. their real father will be a thorn at your side forever, specially if you try to influence them. you'll probably have to find some work eventually, if only for your own self actualization and providing for 3 kids.
i don't know what your endgoal is, but dating single moms is a lot of chaos that's being brought in your life without any need.

>>33276133
Fuck that. My kids have more respect for their stepdad than their own dad. He's also better with discipline, which we have had arguments over but not to give ex more power.

>>33276133
>an aside, but i don't get how people can divorce someone they had kids with, and then make a new family with a person who also had kids of their own.
>if i marry a chick, have kids with her, and divorce, i don't see myself getting into another LTR ever again, just casual relationships and focusing on my kids.
In the case of my GF, it was that her Ex didn't fulfill her emotionally, mentally or spiritually. Pretty much, she woke up from her haze that lasted for over a decade and knew she had to either stay and remain zombified; wither away, or leave him in order to truly know and become her genuine self. This was done knowing it'd be difficult, but that it was best not only for her but for her children too in allowing an alternative situation and environment to what they had; have. There wasn't any support system she individually had in that area outside of her narcissistic mother who she cut out years ago.

>anyways OP, it's a good feeling but once they mature they might see you in a different light. the "you're not my dad!" during a tough argument will get thrown eventually, and their mother will not give you priority in disciplining. their real father will be a thorn at your side forever, specially if you try to influence them. you'll probably have to find some work eventually, if only for your own self actualization and providing for 3 kids.
These are all quality points and insights. Of course I know that the kids aren't fully mine, yet a goal down the road is for us to have our own when the time is right, and we're in no rush. That is when my GF and I can instill a strong foundation to that child who will genetically be mine. I care about all 3 of her current kids and want them to do well. I've been an uncle since a young age due to having older half-siblings, so I've drawn upon my experiences from that.

>>33276152
Good to know that his efforts are helpful. For me, I'm more laidback in nature, which is in contrast to their actual father somehow being emotionally, mentally and spiritually distant, yet continually present with getting onto them about things and often yelling. That plays into my GF's oldest child making the initial statement in the first post because there's a rift between them and their father as wide as the Grand Canyon.

As mentioned before, over there it's chaotic and tense. Iver here, we want to allow them a space to relax and decompress as best as is available.

>>33277931
Your case sounds close to my own. There's a chance that the kids might move back with you guys at some point. Don't lose hope when things seem rocky. Support one another, love one another wholly, and don't stretch yourselves too thin. Always build one another up. Don't be worried about status or jobs, most people end up having to job hop constantly because of how shitty companies are anyway. Being a stay at home dad is worth more than being a breadwinner to the right woman.
Sorry for lack of cohesion

>>33271372 (OP)
>>33271527
Yeah it's good, I've been in your exact situation but at some point you should leave and start your own life OP. It's probably too late since you're attached to the kids already but yeah, at least keep being a positive role model while you're there.

>>33278716
That's fucked up. How is it not his life already if he chose to date her and eventually either have kids of his own with her or not? If he accepts his relationship with those kids and with the woman, that's just one person's segued path and anothers beginning path.

>>33278626
>There's a chance that the kids might move back with you guys at some point.
Indeed there is, and that's what my GF wants. Ultimately it comes down to finances right now, that it'd be a messy court battle to fight for primary custody due to the Ex's unwillingness to let them go. That, along with how much of an additional strain on the bank it is with them here for vacation. More income from a regular job or one of our projects picking up a shit ton of momentum would be necessary to warrant that.

>Don't lose hope when things seem rocky. Support one another, love one another wholly, and don't stretch yourselves too thin. Always build one another up.
She's the one who often stretches herself too thin, so I try to assist how I can and am allowed to. The reason I use that wording is that she's the type to feel like she's got to do everything on her own.

>Don't be worried about status or jobs, most people end up having to job hop constantly because of how shitty companies are anyway. Being a stay at home dad is worth more than being a breadwinner to the right woman.
I'm personally not concerned about status or title, as those sorts of things are fleeting.

>Sorry for lack of cohesion
No need to apologize for anything. I was able to follow what you typed.

>>33278716
>Yeah it's good, I've been in your exact situation but at some point you should leave and start your own life OP. It's probably too late since you're attached to the kids already but yeah, at least keep being a positive role model while you're there.
I intend to stay with this situation for the long haul through the ups and downs. We'll see what the future holds.

>>33278881
>That's fucked up. How is it not his life already if he chose to date her and eventually either have kids of his own with her or not? If he accepts his relationship with those kids and with the woman, that's just one person's segued path and anothers beginning path.
It's been a long time coming to get to this point thus far, so our paths have been crossed for awhile. We've been intertwined as friends and then partners for years at this point. It's not as though the relationship is newer or was thrown together recently.

Bump.

>>33271372 (OP)
Absurdly based.

My mum was a stay-at-home housewife. Despite her doing all the laundry and cleaning and technically always being around, she was never much of a mother. She didn't show much interest in her kids, and always preferred that we were on the other side of the house. She didn't want to spend time with us. She was more like a flatmate than a family member.

My dad, on the other hand, was genuinely interested in his kids. He'd ask about our hobbies and interests. When he asked about school, it wasn't just an excuse to talk about himself (something my mum did a lot). He took us to the beach and pools. He spent time with us. When I showed him my drawings, he'd give actual critique instead of pulling a "that's nice, dear" (again, something my mum did).

At no fucking point did I ever appreciate my father more for having a job. I never even thought about it until I became an adult, myself, and realised how much time a job takes out of your day. Only then did I realise how fucking sad it is that I had more of a connection to my father who was frequently not home, than my mother, who was ALWAYS home.

It's not the energy you put into making money that makes you a good parent, man. It's the energy you put into your kids.