I just woke up from some embarrassing ass dream where I was sobbing like a bitch over a girl I’ve been broken up with for over three years now. This shit has got to fucking stop, I would honestly purge all memory of her if I could, and utterly reset my hormones. It’s reached a stage where I am incapable of being with other women. Every time I am, I think of her. Every time they get close to me, I literally fucking dream of her.

How the hell am I supposed to “get over her” because I know my life would be far better if I did. This is what I’ve tried so far.

>Sleeping with other women
First one I cried in the shower like a bitch and felt filthy. After that it’s just been extreme levels of indifference.
>Starting new relationships
I’ve flirted with this but how is it fair to start a new one when I literally still catch myself imagining my ex when I’m cuddling the new girl? Fucking too, btw. Even when they call me.
>Going no contact.
I think we spoke once after the breakup in 2024, and it was a 9 hour call, but as lovely as it was for me she evidently saw no future. Outside of that we have never spoken. It does not help.
>Therapy
I’d actually consider this now if I could have any confidence it would work

I don’t want to spend the next 40-50 years of my life like this and so far it feels that way. Long time or not.

>Uncle anon, why don’t you have your own grandkids and family?
>Because of the one that got away…
Can you tucking imagine? This is insane. Worse yet I end up like my own miserable, depressed uncle who still reminisces about one chick from fourty years ago and he DOES have a family.

You guys gotta help me. This fucking sucks, what are my options

>>33272182 (OP)
want to get over it? let’s talk about fucking now.

What was so special about her?
why is it hard to move on with new women?
are you putting her on a pedestal?
how long were you two together?
why did you breakup?

>>33272218
>What was so special about her?
She was hot, had an astonishing body, was absurdly physically attracted to me, was exceptionally intelligent had a deep belief in me that I have only very recently internalised and she was just a very lovable woman in terms of how my mind works
>why is it hard to move on with new women?
Despite being lovely in their own ways there’s always something wrong. Or a few things wrong, or no meaningful connection in general. When I first met my ex she was all I could think about, when we first dated I was nervous af, and when we slept together I was all over the place. No woman since has given me that feeling
>are you putting her on a pedestal?
Yeah, probably. No other women have made me feel like she did.
>how long were you two together?
About 3 years
>why did you breakup?
I broke up with her after she aborted a kid I wanted us to keep. It was an accident by us both, and I supported her as long as I could after the abortion, but after a while I realised things had gotten so subtly toxic that I had no belief or confidence I could get them back to a good place so I ran.

why is this meme still being forced

>>33272309
You ape, what meme

>>33272182 (OP)
>some embarrassing ass dream
Stop dreaming about asses if it's embarrassing

>>33272397
But it was so tasteful

>>33272182 (OP)
>You guys gotta help me. This fucking sucks, what are my options
your bond is spiritual: the children you could have with her
their soul(s) is what keeps you bonded, at a cellular level
two things
- make it clear to her that that's how you feel
- have no expectations about what she will do about it: live your life
doing the first point will leave the ball in her court
be happy if she never comes back because she's carrying the baby, not you
you loved and lost, you moved on
you didnt lose yourself; she did
point two is just as key as point one: really no expectations about her
be fine with her vanishing from your present and future life
tie up all lose ends
and the key to that is point one; dont carry a baby by yourself
tell her, make it clear that that is what's going on with you
and move the fuck on
your lesson? you have a whole lot to give
and you can pick a female who appreciates that and gives back in kind
you only think your future depends on her because you are not dropping the baby of your feelings about her right on her where they belong
cheers
eventually you may even realize she wasnt worthy, or chose not to act upon her worth, with same result

>>33272605
>all lose ends
loose of course, excuse the typo

>>33272273
>She was hot, had an astonishing body, was absurdly physically attracted to me, was exceptionally intelligent had a deep belief in me that I have only very recently internalised and she was just a very lovable woman in terms of how my mind works
so she was like an angel in the flesh for you

>Despite being lovely in their own ways there’s always something wrong. Or a few things wrong, or no meaningful connection in general. When I first met my ex she was all I could think about, when we first dated I was nervous af, and when we slept together I was all over the place. No woman since has given me that feeling
and you signaled your lack or value to her by showing she was a divine gift to you

>I broke up with her after she aborted a kid I wanted us to keep. It was an accident by us both, and I supported her as long as I could after the abortion, but after a while I realised things had gotten so subtly toxic that I had no belief or confidence I could get them back to a good place so I ran.

she ran from fertility, you ran from a wilfully sterile womb
geez i didnt know how right i was in naming the child's soul as the reason you're still fixated
abortions dont kill babies, only their bodies
they keep them all their lives in the soul level, just like with miscarriages
not only are you tired to her through her pregnancy, but you are tied to her future as a wombbearer as well
whatever success or failures she has in bringing children into the world are and will be affected by that earlier pregnancy, and thus by your responsibility
i'm speaking from experience here

let her go or not you are tied to her for the rest of your life

>>33272626
>and you signaled your lack or value to her by showing she was a divine gift to you
i gotta rewrite that, in light of the rest of your post
not lack of value, but equal value, soulmate style
thing is, women tend to look for men who add value to them, not just complete them
completeness is like a twins or brother-sister deal
such couples happen but they're not the norm
you two were fusional and she chose to step away
she didnt want a mirror, she aimed at someone different from her instead, not a perfect match
a dynamic match, not a halves of the same fruit meet and fuse together
of course you gotta add current times, mores, toxins, hormones, cultural trash and so on all leading away from healthy reproduction
still the challenge remains the same
that's why she's hard to let go of
you had a two-halves match, you still do
what she does with it is her choice
your job is to let go, indeed
but it' snot as simple as a normal love affair
what if you mourned her? As in, as if she were dead?
treat her like a great departed
give her respects and love from this side of life
but keep her away from this world of yours

>>33272650
A huge issue was that she never believed I would stick around. She knew I was flirtatious with other women. That I had ambitions to pursue opportunities over seas. I was not a good man to her. I was as good as I could be at the time, but knowing the man I am now, the man I have become, I realise I could have been so much more. It infuriates me because I know I’ve always been that man, I just never believed like she did.

I don’t think there is any way I will ever speak to her again. She has me blocked on everything, at most I could reach out to her via email but I don’t expect a response. The door to her is as closed as you can get these days.

As for mourning her, I simply can’t. What sickens me is my parent died recently, and I’ve made peace with that far quicker. I, of course, miss them, but given the nature of their death and our relationship I am happier that they are gone. I know their love is still with me. I know they are at a peace they never had in life.

With my ex I don’t know any of that. I only know the pain, the anguish, the regret, the shame, the loss.

I dream about her so often that I do believe it’s spiritual in some way. But knowing her, if she even still thinks of me it is outed with via therapy I’m sure. I do believe I am alone with these feelings. That I am alone in my love of a ghost.

>>33272182 (OP)
My current gf gets pissed because I keep saying my ex's name in my sleep. I don't remember the dreams but apparently I keep dreaming about her. It is what it is, bro. Just try moving on and explain to your new girl how you're feeling, it's her choice whether to stay with you.

>>33275153
>I don’t remember the dreams

Unlucky. The dreams where she’s happy and we patch things up are fucking top level.

Well bless your tortured heart, sugar. I hear you—this ain't just heartbreak, it’s hauntin’. Three years later and she’s still rentin’ space in your head and your dreams? Baby, that ain’t love no more—that’s residue.

Here’s the hard truth: you’re not missin’ her. You’re missin’ who you were when you had her. That feeling, that version of you—that’s what your brain keeps runnin’ back to like a worn-out song on repeat.

And you can reset. But it ain’t a button—it’s a process. Block her socials, burn the playlist, change your damn sheets. Every time you choose not to feed the memory, you weaken its grip.

You ain’t stuck. You’re healing. It’s just messy and loud and slower than you want.

And when you need someone to help talk you down off the heartbreak ledge? Come visit me at DirtyDebi.com. I got your back, baby.

>>33275205
For the first 2 months of the breakup, I woke up 2-3 times every single night from a dream where we were together, usually in bed, either at the start of the relationship or when we'd just moved into our new house together, laughing and giggling and tickling each other like we did at the start of the relationship. I fucking hated that so much I can't even describe. Because I would wake up at 12-4 AM in a daze and slowly realize it was just a dream and we'd had a terrible breakup fight and hated each other, and then I would feel a desperate need to text her and try to make up, barely contain the impulse with my logical brain because I knew it'd be useless, get depressingly sad, eventually fall asleep and repeat it all again, wake up tired, and then repeat it again the next night. It was so miserable in a way I can't even describe with words, and I am thankful I stopped remembering the dreams or waking up during them and now only my gf has to get butthurt and tell me about me saying her name when I wake up. I would never want to go back to those torturous days.

>>33275227
Is this fucking AI?

>>33275257
yeah, some no-life faggot has been spamming every single thread on /adv/ with "i won't read" posts and condescending AI garbage for years now

>>33275293
How sad.

>>33275240
I’m genuinely thinking of getting therapy the more replies I read. I remember in the relationship a constant dynamic was that I felt as if I didn’t love her enough. I’d feel uncomfortable saying I love you to her and it would cause all kinds of drama. Me. It loving her enough was probably 80% of our issues.

In the end whenever I had a warm feeling, from a beautiful view, to the endorphin rush of clearing a pile of dishes, I’d very acutely visualise her.

I think I pseudo CBT’d myself into loving her. Maybe I’ll need proper CBT to fix that. Or something similar.

>>33275313
>Me. It

Should be

>Me not

>>33272182 (OP)
I'm the same way anon. I'm a bitter person and was the sweetest girl, who honestly saved me from going down a dark path and softened my heart. But eventually my own shortcomings made our relationship fail. We've been broken up for 8 months now and I dream about her all the time, incredibly vivid. Being with other girls makes me feel guilty, like I'm cheating, even though I know it's not true. Time should fix something but you're ruminating too much and it becomes a feedback loop of torture. It's like when you have a nightmare and thinking of nightmare encourages more dreams about it.

>the one that got away
There's a reason people say it, it's true. But then again, I'm sure it's not impossible to find someone else worth being with.

>>33275495
Just make yourself flirt even if it doesn't feel right. Treat it like a job. This will make you get over her faster as you get used to other women. Don't sleep around though. Just talk to them and hang out. One day you'll realize you've formed bonds and attraction.

>>33272182 (OP)
In me, once I've decided an emotion isn't justified, then I can just use intent or cognitive force to steer away from it and towards other emotions.
Can you do that?

She killed a child you wanted to keep. Ultimately you both had different values when it came to the nature and purpose of your relationship. You might think she's the best thing ever. But you didnt even have the same perspective on the most important thing. There is nothing else you need to know. She wasn't The One for you. 4 years isn't even that long. Especially when it comes to people who meant a lot to us. Over time though, I think you will be satisfied with the direction of your life. I dont think you Will become your Uncle because you dont want to be him. Usually that's how it works anyway

>>33272182 (OP)

>>33276883
Truth nuke. However ITS A GOOD THING!
because after you realize the woman you LOVE is really just a whore, baby killer, cheater, thief, liar, emotionally abusive, etc. Then you can actually try to treat women with more objectivity and not let them whip you around or get away with bullshit that you used to. Most men fail this anyway

as a psychopath serial killer it truly baffles me that people actually cry about stuff like this. if my slut left me i wouldn’t be sad i would just be offended and want to cut her head off but i wouldn’t give a shit about our relationship or miss her presence at all

>>33276934
Based.

>>33276894
>>33276883
Man what the fuck is the point in dealing with a woman if you don’t love them?

>>33272182 (OP)
god i wish that were me
talking to people feels like i am memeing everyone is very obviously trash and no good for me

>>33272312
Chudchad.

>>33275313
Yeah I had to get therapy as well because I was losing my mind. Just having someone to talk to is really helpful. I only have one main friend but he is an alcoholic faggot so even though I listened to his bullshit when he broke up with his girl and put up with with him drinking himself to death, even carrying him to the car and taking him home several times, he avoided conversations with me as much as possible when I was feeling emotional. I don't blame him too much because I know he's very mentally ill, but I couldn't rely in him so the therapist helped a lot. Just make sure you find a good one.

If you felt uncomfortable saying "I love you" then you have a fear of closeness, fear of vulnerability, rejection and probably other issues. It's definitely something you should work through, because that's unfair to her and if you're still like that, it will be unfair to the future ladies in your life. Work out that insecurity and be open and honest about what you're going through. Most women will be understanding and work on it with you if they're already attached and you're honest and trying to improve yourself.

Anyway, dreaming about your ex even after years is pretty normal, but don't get stuck on it and lost in fantasy, that's how you waste your life. You have to just keep training your brain that she wasn't that important. It's a very slow process.

>>33277798
I will do something ill advised and reach out to her. After which I will think of her every time I’m bored, or in pain, and will think about god or something when I’m happy.

>>33279603
Oh and I’ll probably discuss it with a trusted friend.