I've been angry since I was a baby. I'm not violent anymore but I'm still just as angry and hateful and miserable. I'm not lonely, I get along better with women than men because of how I was raised but I've had people who like me and I tolerate them, but nothing. I have outlets for my energy, but nothing. No matter how tired I am I still get so mad at anything that moves wrong that it scares me.

I'm happy sometimes but anything sets me off and makes it so hard to think about anything other than hurting whatever caused it and I feel so disgusting afterwards. I cry a lot so it's not some repressed shit and I don't trust a bunch of internet virgins to diagnose me with some kind of trauma. I've done everything from CBT to abilify to EMDR to meditation and prayer. I calm down on my own now but that's not enough.

Last month the back of my head started really hurting whenever I'd get too mad (sharp, burning pain) and it feels very bad. GP says it's stress, I know what a headache is and it's not a headache.

I know about the whole fight/flight/freeze/fawn nonsense and even though most of the time I'm obviously the first one everything would be so much easier if I could just fawn or do literally anything else but be angry. If I could wish for anything it would be to never be angry again because it just feels so bad all the time. And the head pain is really concerning and i want that to go away please

Is it possible to never be angry again and how do I do it?

Not a shrink, but from observations I've made of angry friends, disproportionate rage comes from a feeling that one lacks power and agency.
Things anger you because you're offended at the fact that you didn't want them to happen and they happened anyway.
If I could make a leap, I might assume that earlier in life you were a people pleaser, someone that bent over backwards for people who you feel went on to throw it in your face. This tends to create an innate bitterness, a sense that because something bad happened to you that it was deeply personal and intended to hurt you.
Nobody can tell you how not to be angry. For me age is helping. With every passing year I gain a greater ability to choose not to care about stuff.
As you've noted, being angry is physically unpleasant. It's all you can think about for hours, and the self-imposed anhedonia that follows can make it days before you feel good again.
If you can head this off at the pass, if you can simply say to yourself
>I win if this thing that *should* be bothering me, isnt bothering me.
Then it's easier than you might expect to wire your brain to feel gratified at the fact that it should have, but did not fly off the handle.
In doing so, you beat the situation and you beat your own brain. Two victories, for which the prize is calm and peace.

>>33273231 (OP)
Just stick to the outlets. There's nothing wrong with anger, it's an emotion just like any other. Buy a punching bag and beat it senseless when you're angry, go to a junkyard with a baseball bat and smash shit up, let the anger happen and then channel it in a way that neither hurts you or other people.

>>33273231 (OP)
Go to therapy?

Literal nobody likes a neurotic fuck, maybe women but women are mentally ill so it doesn't matter.