sorry for "worthless trash writes a book of cries" kinda post, i just need to see your thoughts about it or your own story maybe because im tired of thinking about myself. also how do i find an absolute loser such as myself/keep them?

>mentally weak bifag, never been in a relationship
>incel but barely any need for sex so np
>all dreams are being near someone forever
>cant really hide my desperation anymore from people which isolates me further
>could never have any friends irl, feel like an alien when outside
>cant even into online friendships anymore cos i get attached and they have relations and i feel very cucked by that
>lots of fear when tried to meet new people on soc, ghosted/blocked by most
>bedrotting crying is all i really ever do for months now
>stopped plans for career and moving from this shithole because nothing matters to me if im forever alone

i just dont know how to hope nor cope anymore.
psychiatrics here in russia suck.
even might lose my foreign internet access soon, didn't yet process that one in my head even lol

the hat went flying

>>33275934
hat flying
drink spilled
defeated

>>33275890 (OP)
>hope/cope
nope! Won't read.
State a concise request for advice next time.

>>33276118
so ... i needed to start with "how"? weird, but you're by no means forced to read anyway

>>33276182
i dont have any advice currenyly anon but based photo and reference, and i hope shit gets better for u bro

>>33275890 (OP)
You feel like you absolutely Lost everything in Society. good :) my best advice for you dude is to go on Facebook/VK and find out some local venues and bands that are playing I suggest them to be metal. death metal is good death metal is always good but black metal is better then I want you to go to that venue where the bands are playing and I want you to drink beer and smoke weed lots of weed and if you have the balls smoke DMT or do LSD it's even better. Bang your head out so fucking hard and start out the goddamn Mosh Pit, be the egotistical Maniac that you are. Lose all peace and sense of self-respect and be as violent and vile as possible release that energy and you will see that you are no longer you but one with the music and that you are a tornado of freedom and chaos. Because I promise you, you will wake up the next day feeling so much better also you might make new friends.

>>33275890 (OP)
I'd solve that problem by being emotionally detached and disinterested in the beginning, then pursue a wide net of relationships, repeatedly fishing for one where I hold back the least.

>>33276438
thx anon, watched for a while and was very glad to see him back and not given up on life.
hes way way stronger than me, id rope a long time ago if i was him.
its fucked up how soulless and uncaring entire society has gotten, how much crap he has to face.
i dont think it was this bad before
>>33276442
man i love metal and psychedelics
dunno if theres black metal concerts in this shithole but ill check stuff and maybe try to go to one.
only issue is that i already hesitate even making fucking 4chan posts but yea i know i need to push my fears eventually.
thank you
>>33276559
yeaa, this seems like a natural solution. need to learn to hold back somehow.
wouldnt be surprised if i have bpd cos random very emotional ideas.
also have this weird idea in head that i should be honest with everyone, it might be ruining things. thanks

>>33275890 (OP)
Why is his beverage grey?

>>33276825
id assume water with some weird lighting/reflection stuff happening

Are you me? That's basically still me at 34. I can't even leave my house. I have an intense fear of people and paranoia. I can't do any yard work because I'm afraid neighbors or people walking by will see me. I'm constantly paranoid about people seeing me through my windows. So I just stay inside and never leave. Obviously I've never had sex

>>33277203
i guess we are similar, yea.
do you also spend hours talking to yourself? im afraid that eventually i wont notice im not alone.
do you try to push your fear slowly? i think its the only way out of it, to make more things comfortable

>>33276825
Who says I'm grey?

>>33276606
I don't know where you live in Russia but if you're in one of the major cities you should have a pretty easy time finding a venue that plays metal.

>>33275890 (OP)
Serious answer:

You need therapy. NOT for any failing in you, but to help you out of an all-or-nothing mindset.
Your 'online friendships' line is very telling. Because your friends have lives apart from you, you feel cucked. Well, here's the piece of reality you need professional help in understanding and accepting: EVERYONE you ever meet will have a life apart from you.
THATS WHAT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE. We all play a part in each other's lives, but just a part.

When you come to accept that, you will be ready to make friendships and even romantic relationships, happy in the knowledge that you have parts of your life that are separate from them and they have parts of their lives that are separate from you.

>>33277698
moscow's closest, would be quite a trip both physically and mentally but ill try to force it
>>33277724
i thought to rather go to a full blown psychiatrist due to how it affected life, was just putting it off due to prior bad experience and fucking fear
>EVERYONE you ever meet will have a life apart from you. THATS WHAT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE. We all play a part in each other's lives, but just a part.
its like all something i consciously accept but...
>happy in the knowledge that you have parts of your life that are separate from them and they have parts of their lives that are separate from you.
...both these statements dont feel happy for me at all right now, more like something forced and very bitter.
but yea, i think eventually ill have to learn to attach less or atleast feign a bit of indifference.
thanks a lot.