How do you deal with the thoughts about your quality of life being destroyed? Sometimes I think about it and feel shame for thinking it. I live life for my disabled grandmother and she has major bipolar depressive problems that are only made worse with medication. Every tiny inconvenience is the worst thing to happen that week and everyday is a grind of just listening to this person drone on and cry about everything.

Sometimes I think "why cant you just accept how you are and stop complaining about everything?" I just feel resentment and anger when the next tantrum comes flowing out. I've read about caregiver burnout and all the advice is stuff that isnt feasible for us. We are poverty line and cant afford a home visit nurse or a nursing home, she wouldnt go to a nursing home anyway because she is genuinely paranoid about the medical staff trying to kill her because shes "too much of a burden."

One thing that keeps me going is the idea that this is temporary and there will be a day when I'm free of this. No more screaming. I could sit on my own outside and feel the wind without having to worry about listening for someone screaming my name. That would be nice.

>>33280479 (OP)
what do you mean stay at home care giver? do you have a job? do you get paid for this? im entering my 30s and i am ending up spending a lot of time with my grandmother and people in my family are dropping like flies, and i think in the next 10 years i will be taking care of my parents. when i was younger i thought my life would be like the sims or something where i would have my own house and a dog. pretty much anyone that "lives on their own" has their shit paid for by their parents.

>>33280687
I dont have a job cause both my grandparents have a disability and require someone who is able to do physical work to be around. I dont get paid for it. It scares me because I've done it for nearly 10 years now and my lack of work history makes me think I will be totally unemployable by anyone, but there's no alternative. We cant get home help due to cost (America) and nursing home is not an option either. There's probably so many people in this situation now that the boomer generation is getting elderly and its so sickening to think about. Total failure of the American medical system at play.

>>33280718
>We cant get home help due to cost (America)
It was my understanding that medicare covers the cost of home health aides. My 102 year old grandmother has that. Took years for my mom to get her approved, but it was really wonderful to see just how much it improved her quality of life to not have to be her mom's constant caregiver.

But if that's not an option all I can say is that it will pass eventually. But why are you doing this as a grandkid instead of one of her children? It is not your burden. As to your concerns about this making you unemployable, after your grandparent dies you could always go to nursing school. People start that career in middle age all the time.