I have severe OCD, to the point where I routinely spiral into nervous episodes over perceived health issues, shit that is almost entirely ridiculous and physically impossible. On top of that, ever little thing scares me 10x more than what it should, even if, for example, the event I'm worried about is days away. I'm constantly tense and on edge. It used to be worse, I used to think I was at risk of a heart attack (I was 19 and very healthy), and I couldn't go outside without basically having a nervous breakdown. Thanks to therapy, I was able to change my entire life and overcome these feelings, and I am now fit, have a job, and am no longer a shut in.
However, those aforementioned issues still remain, and it's become exhausting for me to constantly have to push past the obsession and anxiety. Everyone I've ever been friends with and has experienced my spiraling has said I should be medicated, and during one particularly bad episode, I broke down and decided I was going to do it. I talked to my doctor, who has a background in psychiatry, and he prescribed me Zoloft.
However, I'm scared to take it. I have only ever heard horrible things about this kind of stuff. I feel like I've done everything I can while avoiding drugs, the least I could do is try it and see if it can sweep up the remaining issues, then get off of it later, right? I just feel so ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do. I'm probably going to procrastinate and not take these drugs yet. I feel like I've been defeated, and I'm afraid these are going to poison my mind or something.
On one hand, I don't like the idea of medication fucking with my brain, but on the other, I realize that, considering both my parents are nervous wrecks and I have had OCD behaviors since childhood, my brain may just be biologically fucked up to begin with. Ergo, medication would be the right thing to take, right? Same thing with any dysfunctional organ.

Go on a journey. You need identity. Heal the ego. Read Eckhart Tolle

Tread lightly with this. Take it once a day at a low dosage. Then, if it works, get a higher dosage.

>>33280949 (OP)
I've suggested reading Whole Brain Living before but it usually falls on deaf ears even though I like its theory of mind a lot. So I won't mention it.

>>33280949 (OP)
These drugs ruined my life. Research survivingantidepressants.org. If destroying your brain and body sounds like something you want to risk, go ahead. If you ever want to stop taking them, good luck, it will take years and thousands of dollars, and depression worse than you have now. Wish someone told me this before I took these drugs.

The reality is if you have lived all your life dealing with OCD and depression you have no idea who you really are. These things have shaped you but there's fundamentally something that isn't quite right about you. Maybe it's how you were raised or how you were born, whatever it is you have the chance to do something about it and get at least part of your life back. Meds aren't a magic fix, you still should give therapy a go. I dealt with OCD and ADHD and while I'm off OCD meds these days, methylphenidate helped me turn my life around. You have no way of knowing if this could be good or bad for you until you do it and to be honest with you if you were considering offing yourself at some point what are you afraid of? Like you said, you have a dysfunctional organ that needs treatment and you are in a position to give it to it. Yes you may feel weird or not yourself at the start but again, you've lived your life so far feeling shitty of course you wouldn't know what normal feels like anon.

>>33280949 (OP)
Try it for three months. If it helps, stick with it; if it doesn't, quit