how do I cure depersonalization? I used to be real, I used to be able to feel things. I can't take this shit anymore, I'm not here. I know I'm doing things and thinking and feeling things but non of it really registers, it's like the present is a vague memory. sometimes it goes back to normal for a few minutes but it never stays that way.
I'm gonna try psilocybin soon to see if that helps.

>>33281616 (OP)
I'd reply but I'm not here.

>>33281616 (OP)
I'd advise against the psilocybin. If your goal is to come back down to Earth and live as a human, psychedelics won't take you there. They bend your perception of reality. You already got enough of that as it is.

Depersonalisation/derealization is caused by consequences, just like everything in life is caused by consequences. You just need to figure out what knocked you into depersonalisation dissociative lalaland.

Depersonalisation/derealization and dissociation in general is a survival mechanic of the brain. As fucked up as it is, as much of a problem as it may seem, it's your brain trying to protect you. From what? That's what you gotta find out. Because when you reach dissociation land, it means your brain turned it on to preserve sanity. As insane as you may think it is, it's actually a mode of the mind that attempts to preserve whatever sanity you got left.

For me that was growing up in a fucked up household in a fucked up family. Which lead me to normalize fucked up behaviours which lead me to befriend and date fucked up people who would routinely emotionally and mentally fuck me up. At some point my mind depersonalised. Because it had to. Because it learned that being 'me' = being in pain. And pain is what was killing me. So the mind turned the circuits off to stop me identifying with life and my sense of self. I went on dissociative autopilot.

Once you figure out what caused you to go into that mode, you can then choose to make your slow crawl away from that old way of life. Then your mind starts to humanise itself again. You can live once more.

Psilocybin cannot show this to you. Only (you) can show that to yourself.

>>33281659
>Once you figure out what caused you to go into that mode, you can then choose to make your slow crawl away from that old way of life. Then your mind starts to humanise itself again. You can live once more.
it's been going on for so long that I can't remember when specifically it started, but I can identify a recent incident that made it get much worse.
what practical things can I actually do to help it?

>>33281679
>it's been going on for so long that I can't remember when specifically it started.
Yep, that's normal. That's the point. Dissociation is a bit like a computer cleaning out cache and history. It deletes memories of traumatic shit precisely because it knows that holding onto them makes you spend inhumane levels of mental stress. So it deletes them from memory. That's why you won't be able to figure out when it started. Sometimes if you are very lucid and aware, you can catch your mind doing this process. One time after a big incident of my own I hit a mental breakdown. I kept trying to mentally process what had happened, over and over while in a cold sweat laying awake in anguish. My mind started fogging up. I started getting this weird buzzing in my head, and I saw criss-crosses in my periphery, I felt weird and I started to forget dates and names and mental images in real time. I was watching my mind delete memories to protect me, shit was weird. The mind is a trip.

>I can identify a recent incident that made it much worse.
Good. Write it down, keep it logged somewhere. Document on the phone or write it in a journal. It's important you keep it.

>What practical things can I actually do to help it?
It might sound corny, but accept and forgive yourself for the crime of depersonalisation. Forgive your own mind for doing it's part to help you. It's actually had your back this whole time. Cease any wars your have waged against yourself. It's time to call a truce with your own mind.

Then what you do is you join the same campaign your mind has been on. Protect yourself at all costs. Your mind wants you to do what it's been doing - protecting yourself. That means start taking your boundaries seriously. Identify the people or places or things in life that kill you. And then build up a defense. Start avoiding them, saying no, respecting yourself and prioritising your well-being.

Also admitting you cannot do this on your own helps. Finding others to help you.