me and my bf are talking seriously about getting married and having kids. ive mentioned this since we met, i definitely want this. he seems pretty confident he wants this as well, but i worry he only wants it:
1. because he knows a baby would make me very happy.
2. because he feels like hes falling behind by not having kids at his age.
3. because he knows if he got me pregnant id never leave him, and if he told me he would not give me children i probably would.
i feel like these arent good enough reasons to spend 20+ years of your life raising children. hes very gentle and kind, and hes great with animals but hes admitted to me that he doesnt really like kids now. he says "it would be different if they were my kids" which might be true, but it might also not be. thats a pretty big risk right? im very worried that, even if hes super on board now, when theyre actually here he will regret this. he thinks he wont mind now but in a few years he'll be watching football with 3 screaming brats blocking his view and realize he regrets this choice and now hes trapped and miserable for the next 20ish years of his life. maybe im faulting him for not having maternal instincts men just dont have though. i feel like a male perspective would be helpful here.

>>33283092 (OP)
> i feel like a male perspective would be helpful here.

I'm a husband myself and a soon-to-be father. I've always wanted kids since as long as I can remember. I've always idealized the idea of having kids. My wife is like your boyfriend, she's brutally honest about how she doesn't like kids. She finds them to be loud, annoying, and exhausting to be around. I think they're funny, amusing, and cheerful.

So does it mean my wife isn't fit to be a mother? Or that I'm overly optimistic and delude myself that kids are amazing? The answer is neither. The answer is my perspective is correct. & So is my wife's.

Truth is both. Truth is they're gonna be a pain in the ass and I'll be awake at 2am, 3am, 4am from their crying and screaming. I'll be exhausted before work, and then after work it's more work work work. My wife just happens to be honest about the downsides. Same is prob true for your bf.

But it doesn't mean he doesn't want kids. He's just being honest about what he doesn't like about kids. Kids are sweet and all but let's be really honest, they're also little rascals as well. They're both sweet and sour.

I think you will be surprised that perhaps even you may fight thoughts of regret when it gets hard. I probably will too. But that's normal. Because being a parent is hard work. Your BF is at least willing to do that hard work. That's all that matters. How he feels about it is not important. Feelings are just feelings. What counts is action. If he is willing to act as a parent when the time comes, then he is a good enough parent.

>>33283092 (OP)

>>33283092 (OP)
as long as you've both expressed to each other that you do want kids, it's fine
you're probably overthinking/worrying a bit too much

(I have 2 kids and 1 more coming next month)

a lot of hormonal things happen to both men and women during pregnancy and when kids arrive, you will both bond closer with each other and to the kid

make sure you praise your husband for being a good husband and tell him he will be a good father, make him feel needed by you- like you can't do it all without him

yes kids are annoying, but they're also hilarious and make you both grow into better people
don't worry and just go for it

>>33283092 (OP)
No one who hasn't had a child can predict how they will react when they hold their own baby.

>>33283092 (OP)
even if he hates your guts one day you should expect nothing but his total devotion and enthusiastic commitment to his own biological children. anything less is an abdication of the duties of fatherhood.

Some guys only realize it after they have kids that they want kids. At least he's not lying to you and disappearing.

>>33286150
I can remember holding my brother. It feels the same. Maybe that's just me