An old friend posted about a game she knew I played, I replied and we started talking again a few weeks ago. I regret it. We spoke last year for the first time since school. I apologised for past slights I’d committed and we started talking again and went out once. She used to be like me but started uni, moved on from 4chan, became more of a normalfag and made friends, I’d stayed a retarded loner wasting my days away. From jealously, not feeling that same connection, and having built so much of my confidence on being a loner I stopped replying to her after. I won’t lie and say I felt bad, just relieved and numb.
This exact scenario is about to play out again and I don’t know what to do. We arranged to go out again and I know I’ll feel the same way, I’m already feeling it just from the messages. She’s already taking hours to message back, is this a setup to get back at me? Will she try to harm me when we’re there? That kind of schizoid thinking is exactly why I prefer my own company. I don’t know why I contacted her again, it was impulsive, some part of me wanting a friend before remembering why I don’t have any. It doesn’t feel right and there’s a pit in my stomach thinking about it, I really don’t want to go or keep talking and wish I’d never started in the first place. I don’t particularly enjoy talking to her anymore or anybody, I feel little around anyone outside of my family but she’s so nice and said I’m the only person who truly knows her. It’d break her heart and I don’t want her to be upset but I can’t do this and want to end it. What do I do?

>>33288186 (OP)

>>33288546

>>33289630
Instead of bumping your thread learn to use a title and paragraphs so I won't have to read your whole life story before I can understand if I want to bother with the thread.

>>33288186 (OP)
As a schizoid I feel that sometimes you have to force yourself to meet people even though you prefer solitude. if you like it or not you probably do crave some kind of connection, even if it is subconsciously. Just don't expect too much and try not to fill in the motivations from the other person to meet up.

>>33290249
Yeah. I went out with her in the end and it was alright, I didn’t hate it, but I felt I would’ve enjoyed it more if I were by myself. And just knowing that I have a friend feels weird and like a betrayal of the person I grew to be.