How can I erase this bitch out of my mind?

No matter how long, no matter how much we don't contact. I still think about her. I see miss her. I still care for her. I still wanna see her.

>>33289296 (OP)
Ol' reliable of distract yourself with work so you can let the pain numb over time.

>>33289296 (OP)
Contact her.

>>33289296 (OP)
do >>33289298
if you want to get over her:
focus on hobbies,
come up with reasons why you wouldn't work out in the end,
find a new girl to obsess over,
and most importantly let time do its work. It took me 2-3 years and all the previous listed steps accelerated the recovery.

do >>33289343
if you want to reset your recovery and make the thoughts worse

>>33289296 (OP)
>How can I erase this bitch out of my mind?
Can't erase the bitch
Can erase the emotion
Think about her but like, don't be interested or attracted
> I still think about her.
Do this
>I see miss her. I still care for her. I still wanna see her.
But don't do this

>>33289296 (OP)
why do you think so much about her? what the fuck was so special about her.

>>33289296 (OP)
Stop living for the world anon, when you get rid of your lust for her, you will feel the love of the Lord, sanctification is a process.

good fucking luck

find a new woman

>>33289298
I already do this.
I will be programming, editing, cooking, writing, studying, listening to music, reading.
And she will still be on my mind.
Or maybe I will get distracted, but it is only temporary.
One cannot constantly get distracted.
At night I will be alone with my thoughts and she will be on my mind sometimes it even causes insomnia.
And I still have dreams with her in them.

Even in chasing my goals and accomplishments, she is on my mind. Because I used to do these things to provide for her. I did them before I met her for my own fulfillment and purpose and curiosity, but when I met her she added even more purpose to it. I wanted to make it so that I can provide for her. And she is the only girl I have ever felt that way towards. She believed in me and supported me at first too. She used to give me cute compliments "you are the next Zuckerberg" etc... When I fail or don't perform as well as I want to, I think of her. It's almost like having a spirit constantly judging you. I feel inadequate and powerless as a man and I feel my inability to keep her is a confirmation of this very inadequacy and inferiority.
Because back then I couldn't provide for her the way I wanted, the way she needed, and I felt horrible about it, I still do. And this is part of what fucked up our relationship.
Although I chase my goals, hobbies and accomplishments for my own fulfillment and purpose, it's also to regain my dignity as a man that I feel I lost partly because I attached my purpose to her, even though that purpose existed before her.
This is why even in work I cannot distract my thoughts away from her because I attached my work and success to my need to provide for her.
It sounds delusional and retarded, and it is. But I really loved her.

>>33289343
I cannot do so as that would not be dignified.
I was honestly waiting for HER to contact me because I understand the power games being played here.
And she actually did. She admitted she missed me and in a moment of weakness asked me if I wanted us to get back together. I told her I do not trust her anymore but that I was willing to give her a chance to prove herself. She felt pathetic about herself for reaching back(she gave into her feelings, is a little autistic with black/white thinking so she thinks it's wrong) but when I said I'd give her a chance she was very happy about it.
But after that I didn't text her in like 1 week. Not that I didn't want to, but I could not be the one to do so as she violated. I gave you a chance but you are the one who has to put effort to regain my trust. I cannot give you attention like I used to immediately.
After that she texted me again. Was trying to find an excuse to spark a conversation, and admitted once again she did miss me. And we did have a casual conversation.
But then 2 weeks later again and I never reached out to her. Because I could not do so, I would look weak.
And now she's blocked me.
And unfortunately I do feel a way about it.
after 2 long years, this is how it ends?
I gave you a chance after you violated my trust, and this is the effort you put in?
This is such disrespect that I cannot, reasonably, crawl back to her.
I have to hold it strong and not chase her.
Even though I am unfortunately very attached. Even though I did miss her all these weeks I did not reach to her.
My guess is that she is overwhelmed because of her midterms, felt rejected because I'm not "like I used to be" and shutdown onto herself. I know bonds go both ways as well. Everytime she gave in and reached back to me because she "missed me" was also when I missed her very hard. But she didn't want to feel "pathetic"/"needy". Blocked and shut down because she is overwhelmed by all these sensations, as usual.

>>33289351
>focus on hobbies,
Already do so. It lessens the blow to some extent but it doesn't entirely solve it. Especially since, in my retardation, I attached my hobbies and goals to my ability/want to provide for her.
>come up with reasons why you wouldn't work out in the end,
Very rational idea.
I will try that.
>find a new girl to obsess over,
I tried that.
But most girls are boring.
I'm not saying that to be arrogant but I cannot find a girl with whom I had the chemistry I had with her just naturally.
It's like we completed each other.
And cherry on the top she also has the type of looks I like.
This combination of natural personality chemistry + beauty + preferences is not something I will find again easily.
Plus I'm not gonna lie but I'm not that good with women. Just like she wasn't that good with men. Even if they find me attractive physically, most girls get alienated by my persona. Most guys she told me would get weirded out by her autistic behavior as well.
With most women I cannot develop any real bond because we are just completely different. It's like an alien talking to a rabbit.
Because I'm hyperactive some of these girls I tried to deal with I will even "ghost them by accident". I know it sounds preposterous but I basically procrastinate on them.
She was truly different.
For me to obsess over a girl to such a level she needs to be interesting and different and have natural chemistry with me. And even then I only develop feelings later on, even with her at first she was just like a best female friend to me, I allowed myself to get more affective and vulnerable over time. But I'm not the kind who just easily or quickly obsess over a girl
>and most importantly let time do its work. It took me 2-3 years and all the previous listed steps accelerated the recovery.
Thank you.
Perhaps I am simply not being patient enoug.

>>33289416
>Can erase the emotion
>Think about her but like, don't be interested or attracted
>> I still think about her.
>Do this
>>I see miss her. I still care for her. I still wanna see her.
>But don't do this
How?

>>33289429
>what the fuck was so special about her.
Too much to say in one post.
I don't wanna go over it too much because it will make me emotional again and makes me pedestalize her which I absolutely cannot do in this current situation.
I mentioned some of it here >>33290992 though.

>>33289536
Perhaps I should look into spiritual development to truly heal.
Thank you for mentioning that anon. Blessings.

>>33289555
I honestly feel this will be me moving forward.
After her I don't think I can ever fall in love again.
That was the first and perhaps the last time.
And to be honest I don't want to fall in love again.
To be that vulnerable again, trust someone that much.
I just want to forget about her now. Rather than have this thought lingering.
this is also why I don't like >>33289351 advice of "find[ing] a new girl to obsess over," that much because I do not want to love like this again.
I don't want to be hurt like this again.
I honestly don't see the point in that.
It's a trap I don't wanna fall into again.
If I could forget about her, and go on in life without "falling in love" again, perhaps it would be ideal.

>>33290896
Addressed this idea here >>33290992 and here >>33291020.

>>33289296 (OP)
You can't. Learn to let go, and when you wonder about her, hope for the best and remember the good times. Do not see her. Do not call her. Pretend she is dead. One day she will be, and you cannot be haunted by a phantom for the rest of your life.

Now imagine if you had children together and must see her weekly for decades.

You are young and free anon.
Just erase her number and move on.

>>33289296 (OP)
A combination of 7 parts vodka, 1 part orange juice, and 3 parts gasoline should do the trick. I call the brew "forget-me-yes" side effects include also forgetting basic math and human decency but it's worth it.

>>33289296 (OP)
Option 1) Distract yourself with work

Option 2) Fuck other girls

Option 3) Socialmaxx with friends and family/hobbies

Option 4) Let time take it's course

As someone who's tried all 4, only option 4 really works.

>>33291521
This is why I still visit this shithole of a website.

>>33291519
I recognize the toilet stance in that Pic. I know it well. That's the legendary "please god give me the strength to birth this 10lb turd from my asshole" stance. She fucked up, didn't eat enough fiber, and ate too much beef, and now she must make her recompense on the porcelain throne. She knows that the next 3 hours of her life are going to be sheer agony. That's the stance you assume when you know you've fucked up.

>>33289296 (OP)
She did what you weren't willing do to (reach out)
and you basically gave her the cold shoulder
how are you surprised?

focus on intent, not everything is a powerplay
even if power dynamics apply
you're now afraid she'll hold power over you intentionally the same way you did to her
if you're lucky she won't, but idk if you'll go back to being lovers

from your posts, it sounds like you're some flavor of adhd or tism, which might be why you connected so well, if true, normies will never compare to someone who's essentially your kin
best of luck going forward

>>33289296 (OP)
You are not in control of your mind. Thoughts pop up and you obsess over them, turning them over in your head again and again and refusing to let them go.

I've been there.

Unironically look into meditation. Sam Harris's Waking Up app is good and you can get it free if you say you're a student.

It's about learning to let thoughts come and go. It's hard at first but it does genuinely work. You are NOT your thoughts. They arise out of nowhere and then "you" decide what to do with them. There is no reason to identify with or get attached to thoughts about this person. It's akin to picking up a sharp object which cuts you, and continuing to hold it rather than dropping it to the ground.

Also, give it time.

You cannot endure yourselves and do not love yourselves enough: so you seek to seduce your neighbor(here HER) into loving you, and then gild yourselves with his(her) error.
When you want to praise yourselves, you call in a witness; and when you have seduced him into thinking well of you, you also think well of yourselves.

This just happens. You can't get rid of things. Embrace it to the fullest, just like everything. Embrace the joys felt, the sadness felt, the loneliness felt, the alcohol, everything

>>33290943
It takes time. Sometimes a long time. I left one particularly bad relationship around 2017 or so. I don't know when, but I recently realized she's no longer on my mind every hour, day, week, or even month now. I only think of her when I reflect on that chunk of my life as a whole. I didn't expect to be able to move on fully, especially heal, but I did.
Work helped me, mostly, I think. My current girlfriend keeps bringing up my exes, which is frustrating at times, but work and time definitely helped me.
Try getting a job that requires a little more focus. I manage a store these days, and I have to talk to people a lot, about all sorts of nonsense. Topics that have absolutely nothing to do with anyone in particular.

I liked your story but there is quite a bit off in areas. The ending is garbage as well.

I'm excited to dwell in mine. Finally. It's going to be fucking amazing.

>>33291604
LMAO

>>33293588
>Keeps bringing up my exes
Why? Tell her that's not appropriate. You're with herz you're committed to her and you don't want those women anymore.

>>33291549
Find reasons she is not worthy of your attention and love. It sucks but coming to the realization that you are too good for her has been the best thing to help besides time for me. If she can't put in the same amount of effort to meet you in a relationship then she is just not worthy of whatever you wanted to give her and you need to realize you are building her up in your head instead of seeing her for what she truly is.