I have been using drugs (weed/shrooms/mdmda/coke) since august 2023 (introduced to me by my mom) and have pretty much used multiple times a day, every day since then even at work or when doing favors for people like dog/house sitting. I don't want to quit because I cant stand feeling any emotion other than numbness or euphoria.

Recently I've had reoccurring thoughts while high that I've never had before, where I envision myself dying and it makes me feel physically tingly and euphoric. The thought of escaping my wagecuck life and slaving towards my pointless degree makes me think I might be excited to die, where a few years ago I experienced severe thanatophobia.

I'm terrified of the afterlife but I hate my reality, I have ever since I could remember. I'm considering just dropping all of it and using my savings to do whatever kinds of drugs I can find until I die. I sometimes get jealous of homeless tweakers because they can get high and do whatever they want all day.

I will be a corporate zombie until I am in my 60s probably, I would rather have nothing and feel good 24/7 for a short while than give the rest of my life time to a company having regretted everything.

Pic rel: the ideal way out would be the Layne Staley way.

Does anyone else feel this way? Is there really any way out of the 9-5 hell or do I just need to search for a better way to cope?

>>33296663 (OP)
former addict here

what a lot of people don't consider (me included) is the financial cost

addiction is expensive. do you have the means to spend hundreds a week on drugs? or do you have the self control to limit your intake and keep your tolerance low? because if you don't, you're in for a world of pain. quitting isn't easy or physically pleasant whatsoever. you're going to be sitting on your ass 3 years from now wondering why you decided to be such an immature, histrionic faggot and ruin your life

tread lightly anon. my advice is to just take up cigarettes, since you're clearly looking for something that's self-destructive and makes you look cool. good luck

>>33296663 (OP)
Layne Staley also had no father in his life. Explains why he relied on drugs to give him insights which ultimately were empty and meaningless escapisms, culminating in his sad and pathetic death.

I love Layne Staley too. In my opinion one of the greatest vocalists of the last century. But he died like a bitch OP, ODing on speedballs is a fucked way to go. And he rotted in his apartment alone, body decaying and smelling like shit. Who knows if he died suddenly from a heart attack or if he came in and out of consciousness in the last flickering hours of life. Watching his own body fail him as he succumbed to death.

You glorify his death only because you see his works in life as lived. You assume his death must have had glory to it too. It didn't. He died like a dog.

>>33296663 (OP)
>>33296698
also
>I sometimes get jealous of homeless tweakers because they can get high and do whatever they want all day
lol. this is how i know you're romanticizing drug addiction (like an edgy, fatherless teenage girl would) and have a completely false image of it in your head

homeless tweakers aren't just getting high and hanging out all day. 90% of the time, they're desperately trying to scrape together cash (through dehumanizing means like panhandling or whatever else) for their next 6-8 hour high. that's it. that's the reality

next time you see a homeless dude who looks like he's high on meth, pinch yourself and remember that there's actually a strong chance he's just experiencing drug induced psychosis and hasn't actually taken meth in like a week.

>>33296701
>>33296663 (OP)
What you need is to get the fuck away from your mother. She is killing you with her influence. What you need is to find your motivation and ambition, find something to give you a reason to suffer. Suffering happens to us all. What separates the living from the dead in this world, is the living have a good reason to suffer, their work and struggle given a meaning.

Those who have a meaning for their burdens carry them with enthusiasm and passion. Those who suffer for nothing live for nothing, and they have no meaning. All they have is the suffering. And the weight of it makes them feel like death looks attractive.

Father was supposed to show you how to navigate suffering. But I presume you didn't get that. No one taught you shit. And you've been left to just exist with no guiding principles.

Find those. Put down the drugs, man. No high or euphoria even comes close to the satisfaction from having a good and honest life that you bled for and watched grow. That could be a family, wife and kids, or a career you actually give a shit about, making an impact in your community, anything but rotting with drugs.

>>33296663 (OP)
>the ideal way out would be the Layne Staley way
The fuck? Dying alone, completely abandoned by your friends and family, and left to literally rot to death is "ideal" for you?

Staley wasn't happy. He wasn't even happy from a self-harmers' perspective. He was sad, miserable, and depressed. His constant cries for help and attention went completely unnoticed, as his bandmates basically let him die while they lived their lives. The mental and emotional pain he suffered at the time of his death was unquantifiable. And on top of it all, his peers and family completely forgot about him and didn't care. You're glorifying that? That's what you call ideal? You little fucking schmuck.

Do you have a dad? I'm willing to bet you don't.

>>33296698
my initial plan wasn't to stick arond for the next 3 years desu, just do whatever i want until it kills me. i already smoke cigarettes and i still look like a fag :(

>>33296701
i think i glorify his death because i am an ex-neet who misses that lifestyle. he had the 3 things i love: video game, drugs and isolation. i only got into drugs when i stopped being neet so i fantasise about combining my old life with my current interests to live my ideal peak life.

>>33296719
i phrased that kinda bad, i know tweakers beg for money more than they are actually getting high. i think i just envy their lack of responsibilities and that they dont have their time controlled by a corporation.

>>33296663 (OP)
Hey bro. Nah, you're worth more than this. You can do something worthwhile, forge meaningful connections with others and maybe even have a family some day.

Don't erase yourself from this world.

>>33296742
i do but hes not very emotionally present and im always awkward around him so i might as well be fatherless desu.

>>33296701
>You assume his death must have had glory to it too. It didn't. He died like a dog.
well said
>>33296742
>Dying alone, completely abandoned by your friends and family, and left to literally rot to death is "ideal" for you?
also well said

i can't wait for this weird trend of people romanticizing/mystifying musician suicides to fuck off. you can like a dead musician without pretending the way they died was poetic or something. these people weren't just their music, they had entire lives offstage. Layne Staley's death wasn't some fucking artistic statement. he died helpless, pathetic, and alone.

>>33296663 (OP)
>introduced to me by my mom
Your mother is unfathomably evil.
>I envision myself dying and it makes me feel physically tingly and euphoric
If this is recurrent, I'm sorry you are on the verge of some psychotic breakdown, a living hell.
>terrified of the afterlife
Not such a thing exist. Get things straight. This is not a nightmare you can wake up from.
You should take action now.

Ghost your mother and go on a summer travel, far away, alone. You can tell us about your experience later.
Good luck anon.

>>33296763
You won't live the ideal peak life. I lived that life too. What happens is you become a withered hedonist. All I did was videogames and sleep and eat junk food and do drugs. Wake and bake, weed every day and night, every other day a liter of liquor to binge until I dropped, and as a monthly activity, heroic doses of LSD or shrooms.

My apartment looked like a crack den. Trash everywhere, didn't shower for weeks, my tables were cigarette butts all over, empty cans, ring marks from glasses of booze.

Floor was empty pizza boxes, unread letters, missed bill payments, warnings of legal repercussions. Almost got myself killed a few times from the sheer malnutrition of it all, and the occasional drugs-drink fuelled crisis.

It's not a good life. It's not even a life, it's hell. You just slowly rot, chasing dopamine and having no energy to function because that would require work and effort, which you won't care for when you're high 24/7.

Don't go down that path, brother. No man should ever experience watching themselves rot in real time like that. It's a complete senseless act of self betrayal to go doing that.

>>33296763
>he had the 3 things i love: video game, drugs and isolation.
lol. christ, how naïve. this is the same bullshit rhetoric that i peddled to myself while getting hooked on drugs.

a year into my self-prescribed, drug-fuelled isolation and i was cursing myself for letting all of my relationships and prospects die out. i was suffering through brutal opioid withdrawals most of the time. drugs had already gotten old, i could barely feel them thanks to repeated use + tolerance, and i was really only taking them to prevent withdrawals and cravings. thousands and thousands of dollars down the drain. i was on the verge of killing myself and no one would've missed me. you're not different - literally no one has gotten hooked on drugs without ending up in that exact same situation, unless they had no friends or family to begin with

Staley had money, video games, drugs, and isolation... and that was it. when you eventually realize that he didn't have the other dozens of things that you like, check back with us

it's probably no use, because if someone told me this when i started using drugs i wouldn't have listened. but if you aren't trying to self-destruct here, then please use your brain and listen to my advice. you're glorifying the idea of a lifestyle which is *nothing* like what you think it is. i hope that you can realize that without actually having to live through it like i did.

>underage anon refuses to realize that a hedonist lifestyle has extremely steep diminishing returns
jannies can we kill this guy

>>33296814
i am not underage, i am unfortunately this cringe at my big age.

>>33296698
Basically this. I could no longer afford cocaine so I quit. It was fun but I destroyed my relationships. Rebuilding everything is the hardest part of it all. Just fucking stop. I'd rather be a corporate zombie for the rest of my life than a drug addict. Maybe you need a friend.

>>33296828
exactly man. i dove into addiction thinking i wanted to die by 23. had zero interest in post-secondary or a serious career.

came out of it as a med school hopeful, trying to fulfill my little kid dreams of becoming a doctor. been sober and working towards a BSc for three years now.

the entire experience taught me the sheer importance of financial stability and a truly fulfilling life. hell even working a boring office job has made me feel more fulfilled, stable, and overall comfortable than addiction ever did

>>33296828
>>33296849
forgot to mention that i also quit because i ran out of money lol
i was spending $1200 a week on opiates. i worked 80 hours a week, under the table, to finance my addiction. i eventually lost that job because i was such a junkie and i just couldn't do it anymore

it was absolutely pathetic, and OP would feel silly for ever glorifying that lifestyle if he found himself in my shoes.

You need the 9-5 as a backup. If you are going into something creative it'll take a lot of effort. Don't think you'll avoid work with your passion. Another thing is unless you have a rich parent, you're going to be living on a barely livable income if you get government checks. Filmmakers have to work worse than 9-5 but 2am to 12am at midnight, musicians are 24/7 trying to perfect their song, people who make video games are wagecucks but in a game studio punching in boring lines of code line by line, models have to work out everyday, if you're going into drawing you it's like film 2 am to 12 am spending hours upon hours trying to match 3 dimensional depth on paper, and so on and so forth. There is no easy path. Adulthood sucks. Another thing is if you are living with your parents they're going to demand you do more chores as an adult.

>>33296849
That's awesome. Keep it up man.

>>33296865
I used to clock in at 7AM after an all-nighter. Thankfully I work remotely so no one could see I was fucking zooted out my mind. I would hallucinate the work in front of my screen and then do it. Somehow I managed. God, what shitty times. Truly pathetic.

>>33296894
i am fine doing chores, i help out around the house when they need me to and i have decent savings i guess for someone like me. i just think there must be some kind of other path that doesnt keep me a prinsoner in a humiliating power dynamic role that isnt even real or natural, just retarded larping for a paycheck. i dont want this to be all there is for the rest of my life, i cant do 40 years of this.

>>33296663 (OP)
Drop a heroic amount of LSD and report back, 90% chance you no longer want to "addictmaxx" like a retard

I think you should really limit the mdma as much as you can. Your feelings seem to be heavily influenced from way too much mdma use.

>>33296909
i am like this sometimes but it hasnt been as bad since i ran out of weed vapes last month. why do i miss being fucked up and lobotomised all day? especially at work?? i know im retarded like that but i want to be even more retarded i dont get it.

>>33296797
ive experienced some of what you mentioned, mostly the crack den part when i was neet and the drugs every day part currently. not trying to sound like an edge lord and i probably will, but i genuinely dont think its as bad as you make it out to be.

>>33296928
just kill urself

>>33296994
:(

>>33296928
most fatherless, attention whoring shit i've ever read kek

>>33297013
:((

>>33296742
>Staley wasn't happy. He wasn't even happy from a self-harmers' perspective. He was sad, miserable, and depressed. His constant cries for help and attention went completely unnoticed

Would've helped if Staley didn't mask it with cryptic lyricism to be fair.

>"Then some dude came down touch the mother"
(My dad pumped and dumped my mom)

>"Mother touched – dude ain't here no more."
(My mom let him smash. Then fucked off after a divorce)

>"Ain't no day the sun don't crack"
(Every day I suffer)

>"Try to brand some name across my back."
(Tried to take a different middle name to spite my father)

>"So you care? Find someone to tell you: Sunshine, sweet love, my labour"
(If he really cared he would have called me his son, his joy, his passion.)

>"Don't mind. I don't care no more."
(I'm burnt out. I can't even care about it anymore, all I do now is cope.)

Taken from 'sunshine' by Alice in chains lol.

>>33297088
What's fucked up about Staley is he was self aware about it all.

"All this time I swore I'd never
Be like my old man
What the hey, it's time to face
Exactly what I am."

Became a junkie exactly like his father. He also abandoned his friends and his band, same way his dad abandoned him and his family. Apple never falls far from the tree. Rotten apple is a good song too.

Junkie mindset is whack. They know exactly where they are headed, but they choose going there anyway. Gluttons for punishment. Sad.

>>33297088
i'm not talking about his music or lyricism mate. i see your point, but i'm talking about his personal life + the fact that he was basically left to rot as a depressed, heroin addicted recluse until he died

kudos for the AiC knowledge though. one of the best frontmen of all time.

>>33297108
>One of the best frontmen of all time

Amen. That MTV unplugged was insane. His teeth all fucked up, his body worn out from drug abuse, no sound production or effects to back him up, and he still fucking killed it. Absolute waste of talent. It's a shame.

>>33297132
once in a life time talent

>>33296663 (OP)
I won't read druggie threads. Nothing to be done.

>>33296663 (OP)
finding things i love to do got me off drugs. i realized i could never improve or enjoy them as much as i do if i continued to use drugs.

tomorrow, i'm supposed to go golfing with my coworker. he loves to drink and he's great to drink with. i have no problem staying sober because i know how alcohol would negatively impact my health and i just want to enjoy golf!

You don't have to be a corporate zombie, if you can't do it at your current job, you can always find a place where you believe in the work you're doing.

wish you the best

>>33296663 (OP)
All drugs including weed will put strain on your heart. It's the first thing that gives in, once you develop heart problems it's over because there is no cure. It will fuck up your heart before your brain, the heart simply can not run "overclocked" the whole day, the body is not designed to feel euphoric all the time.
My brain is fine, I could do drugs all day but my heart got fucked so I had to stop.

>>33297495
i have things that i enjoy doing but i feel guilty sometimes because they're not "productive" enough. i like video games and web design and warhammer and painting but i havent done any of those things in literal years because i am constantly dp'd by work and uni.it fucking sucks.

>>33296663 (OP)
You sound like a liberal democrat Kamala voter. Get a real job and move out of your moms basement. Your father might wanna slap your ass with a belt if your don't
You'll got to hell for doing drugs. You have no real values to live for. Touch grass and stop shoving a needle in your dick eating hot cheetos and watching Maury Povich reruns at 3 in the morning. Do not cast pearls to swine they say in The Holy Bible

>>33296663 (OP)
>multiple times a day, every day
if you want to live a very shitty life, you're on the right track
>feel good 24/7 for a short while than give the rest of my life time to a company
funny how every special snowflake who thinks this way ends up miserable, because when the time comes, when even drugs can't make you forget how shitty your life is, almost nobody pulls the trigger

>>33296663 (OP)
>jealous of homeless tweakers
don't be :) you'll join them very soon

"Drugs worked for me for years," Staley told Rolling Stone in February 1996, "and now they're turning against me ... now I'm walking through hell and this sucks. I didn't want my fans to think that heroin was cool. But then I've had fans come up to me and give me the thumbs up, telling me they're high. That's exactly what I didn't want to happen."

>>33296849
why did u quit drugs

>>33302434
read >>33296865
i already knew id fucked up, wanted a normal life, but still couldnt pull the trigger on actually quitting until i literally couldnt continue. there was no way i was going to graduate to panhandling or selling things to fund the next high. i decided i'd had enough

>>33302515
fair enough man i hope youre living a happier life

>>33302384
I thought of this quote too. Thanks. OP is a naïve retard who somehow has this an optimistic view of drug addiction. Fucking drug addiction.

Like, seriously, how retarded do you have to be to think you could enjoy your life while being seriously addicted to drugs? If a wealthy rockstar with all the money and time in the world (and, by extension, the ability to freely afford all the drugs in the world) couldn't turn drug addiction into something he enjoyed, how the fuck does OP's retarded NEET ass plan on enjoying drug addiction?

Layne would feel sad, disgusted, and guilty if he were to read about OP's retarded desire to "addictmaxx" lmfao. I hope OP is still here and reading this thread, because Jesus Christ. It's like a study in immature, retarded naïvety. And namedropping Layne Staley's morbid final years as his "ideal lifestyle," and implying he was some sort of hedonist who loved being addicted to drugs, is just downright fucking disrespectful.

op got absolutely dismantled here kek

>>33296698
>>33296797
>>33296828
>>33297495
>>33297698
congrats on getting clean

you're a retard op but it's not entirely your fault. your mother completely fucking failed you. you need to get the hell away from her.

>>33296663 (OP)
dumb lil anon. quit drugs and stop being such a silly

>>33296894
that's wage slave cope. those who are passionate and creative don't "work" 24/7. they play 24/7

>>33296663 (OP)
nice seeing op being told the truth by ex-addict anons is nice. i went through that shit too. after a while, you don't even feel the high and you're just using to not get withdrawals. you lose your money and everyone that cared about you for the most part.
i was using to escape pain. the usual shit. shitty childhood that left me with ptsd and i didn't have a family. after a long while i realized i wasn't even killing myself slowly - just torturing myself for nothing.
also, the situations you end up in will make you want to quit even if you don't care about your health.

>>33296663 (OP)
You're a moron. You are debating on whether to kill yourself or not. Currently you are on the way to killing yourself. You yourself however have said that you don't like you current way. There is no reason that you should start liking it if you follow it deeper, which you are pondering. So you've literally answered the question that you had asked. On your way to death you will just lose control further and further, I don't think there's any pleasure or benefit in that, other than probably a slight increase in the ability to pen some deep but ultimately immature lyrics like Layne's.

>>33296663 (OP)
you still here OP? i want to give you advice but im not gonna write it out if you aren't here. fucking tourist

Anon, watch trainspotting and tell me if being an addict seems fun to you. I've gone through heroin withdrawals. A lot of these drugs are agony to come off of, and they mess up you up for months or even years afterwards to boot. Like mentally insane type stuff, depression, anxiety. If you think you are lost and rudderless now, I can tell you for certain it will be 100x worse when you finally come off of everything in 10 years' time. If you even live that long that is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5THh7yp530g&t=33s

>>33311925
flexing that you aren't a tourist on /adv/ is cringe kek. Like you're basically admitting you can't improve your life.
not op btw

>>33313009
i just reply to threads and give advice. i've been here for over a decade and i've literally never made a thread here. are you retarded?

do you think all of us are here because we need advice? lmfao

>>33312995
zoomers are so edgy and histrionic that they literally romanticize Trainspotting now
i'd bet money OP would think "that's cool as fuck, i wanna start smoking and doing heroin" if he were to watch that film.

>>33313115
>see I'm actually not a loser, I'm better than all the losers here
dang m8 you got me

>>33313194
what?
i never said i was better... faggot

not sure why you interpreted me saying i've never made a thread here as me claiming i'm better than everyone here. maybe Reddit's more your speed? considering you sound like a weird, confrontational fag

>>33312995
>Anon, watch trainspotting and tell me if being an addict seems fun to you.

It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy. And no amount of fresh air will make any fucking difference

i am going to volunteer in the amazon rainforest in ecuador on august 1 for a month to see if its myself that i hate or my environment.