I graduated college late for reasons largely beyond my control (actual medical issues, saying the wrong things to the wrong professor, courses being canceled midway, and many more).

My hopes of doing research are long gone (have at least 4 PhD application rejections down the drain, letters of recommendation are hopeless to get) and I'm now stuck working an uninteresting, underpaid job surrounded by incompetent people.

My friends and family constantly belittle me for being a failure compared to them, and they aren't even wrong if you look at it objectively.

How do I not kill myself? It was the only thing I had left in life and now it's gone.

>>33297188 (OP)
By understanding that there's nothing you can do about the past. Don't let them belittle you for finishing late. I'm in my 30s and I'm going back to college, and my only mistake was spending too much time with a woman and not asking for help when I was depressed. Work sucks, I know, but it sucks for everyone, and just because you've had 4 PHD applications get turned down doesn't mean that there won't be a chance in the future. Don't give up hope, but if it never happens, find other things to live for. There's so much out there that you don't even know about, and you're sad because you won't be called Dr. Anon one day? Here's the thing. What is the worst that could happen in your life, as in what is the worst trajectory your life could take? Answer that first, then answer what the best thing that could happen in your life is. After you do those two, realize that you are ascribing a higher probability to the worst case scenario than the best case scenario, when in reality it's closer to the middle. You're going to have some wins and some losses. I'm a mentally ill schizo with nothing going for him, and I haven't killed myself. I don't even have any hope of being called a doctor of anything, and barely one of finishing my degree well after I should have been established in my career. I'm a pathetic fucking loser and I haven't killed myself, anon. Do you want to be more pathetic than me? Because you sound like a good guy surrounded by shitty people. Get better people, find other goals and branch out. You can do this, and always remember: Pimps don't commit suicide.