It seems like the longer i go celibate the more angry, agitated and entitled i become. I used to have explosive anger issues when i was a teenager, then i became a young adult and found escorts and that worked a lot with calming it down. I think its because its not normal for a man to not touch another person for years at a time. I havent been with anyone in well over a year at this point, almost two years.

Its causing me to act like an asshole though. I just hate everyone. I dont want to speak to anyone because they get what i cant get regularly. They operate on a totally different plain of existence. Theres nothing i can do to get to that level. Theres no way i can be normal, or like them, and i hate them for it. When i had sex often i could feel like i was now normal, a sane normal human being. But now that sex costs at least $500 and i just dont want to spend what could be a nice vacation on a woman for an hour. Regardless, being alone and stressed with life is making me blow up at random shit and in a crashout suicidal type of way. Like a way where i dont care what happens to me in the future, just destroying whatever is in front of me. I honestly think if someone tested me in public in my mental state i would just kill them. Luckily i dont go outside that often anymore so that sort of removes that issue.

I dont want to spend a shitload of money to temporarily fix this issue but i also dont want to be suicidal and angry all the time.

>>33299230 (OP)
Nice image.Do you identify with it?

Cuz to me it looks like the dude sees red when it comes to women. The woman, the female role model, is in his head like a ghost. All he thinks about, all he cares to see. And he hates it, which makes him angry. Yes he is angry he cant get her love, but more than that, he is angered that he needs it. Angered that he has to be a puppet to impulse. Especially to women who possibly usef and abused him or humiliated him or fuckednhis life up.

Anyway OP i think maybe your anger is important and carries a message for you. I think it originates from somewhere, and I think that somewhere is in a specific person or people who genuinely fucked you over in your life. Maybe exes, maybe parents. Who knows. But you've been paying prostitutes to get from women what the one in your life refused to give you. And thats what eats at you.

And shit i cant blame you. Id feel mad as fuck too.

But I'd also wanna try and find a wat to use the anger to motivate me to grow and thrive somehow. And I hope you do too

>>33299230 (OP)
Get a sex doll.

>>33299281
To an extent i relate to it. I just feel angry towards a lot of people because i am not a part of their "in"
group so to speak and it has always felt like i am not welcome anywhere. This is why escorts helped me so much, you know what is the bar for normal and successful in our society as a man? Being with a woman. Being able to attract women. A woman wanting to be with you. Sure, im paying for it, so she wouldnt want to be with me if i wasnt, but i cant get it any other way so this is close enough.

I do agree also that i am mad i even am attracted to anyone. I feel like its a better me if i wasnt, its what everyone wants me to be. But, whenever i even hug someone, or go the full mile with having sex, i feel inner peace. I feel warm, and relaxed, and calm and human again. I can literally feel all the pain and stress leaving my body as im with this woman. The only problem is they decided to increase the prices by like 4x in 5 years. Now its so expensive with an actual DECREASE in quality and safety that i dont even want to support them. Go ahead, make all that money on onlyfans then. Stop trying to do it IRL if you are going to charge so much money.

I feel like at this point the anger cant be motivating. Its just blind hate and outbursts because im stressed and tired and just want someone. But im not good enough. And now im not rich enough. So i get nothing. It always feels like the bar is so much lower for other guys but for me i swear it just keeps getting raised and raised.

I think ill probably have to just accept and bite the bullet and spend the half grand minimum and see an escort so i can feel like a normal person again.

>>33299317
A piece of plastic and life like silicone isnt going to give me this same feeling. Ive always wanted someone in my life and love specifically but i apparently am not deserving of it. That is a luxury in todays world.

>>33299230 (OP)
>testosterone increases
>becomes angry
>RRRRR IM JUST AN ANGRY GUY
shut the fuck up anon

>>33301496
I think the irritability is a higher sign of low testosterone than high. When it was probably at its highest I wasn't having outbursts like this. I was still very depressed though and that's mainly because the "good calm" feeling after an escort only lasted a month at most. Then I was right back where I started

>>33299317
Sex dolls aren't even close to a real person lol

just jerk off, it ain't that complicated

and no, you do not "need" sex

>>33299230 (OP)
>I dont want to speak to anyone because they get what i cant get regularly
>Theres no way i can be normal, or like them, and i hate them for it
You have severely deeprooted problems of jealousy, inadequacy, insecurity, and emotional immaturity
If you were getting sex, your anger wouldn't go away, it would shift to some other thing that you were passionate about

I recommend CBT, but sex isn't your issue at all, you are just straight up emotionally stunted and mentally ill

>>33303849
Its not so much that i "need" sex as much as sex makes me feel like i am a totally different person. The person i am now is ugly, is a loser, is a failure, is invisible to women, is forgettable. But when i see an escort i am not that now. For an hour i am a totally different person. It is a form of escapism. One though, ive grown tired of because its got so expensive and so bullshit.

Also physical contact is a need and anyone who says otherwise i invite them to completely stop all physical contact with anyone for a year and tell me how they are mentally. Covid showed us most people completely crumble in a short few weeks, it doesnt even take a year.

>>33303980
>If you were getting sex, your anger wouldn't go away, it would shift to some other thing that you were passionate about

That is something i wonder about but never got the chance to find out because i got instantly rejected and barred from ever finding this out on my own. Would having another person physically in my life, fix my problems that you listed above. That i am not sure of. I know with escorts it does temporarily fix them because i feel like a different, better, successful person. I forget for a month i am me and that i paid half a grand to feel like a different person for a bit. The old me comes back. Would i even have the maturity and life experience to handle a relationship? I dont think so no. Its getting worse the older i get too. I am 28 now and never been in a relationship. I had chances when i was 18 and i was anxious about doing it because of that lack of experience, being alone felt like what i deserved. It felt like who i was. Which is subhuman.

>>33304044
I think a lot of this anger and frustration i am feeling is because i have had to live as myself and i hate it. I hate everything about myself. I hate how i look, i hate how i sound, how i act, everything. There is nothing i am proud of about myself and have viewed myself as disposable since i was a child. Like i have interesting hobbies and as a result an interesting life but honestly thats not enough to make up for all the negatives about myself. When i have sex, i am now normal and a successful person. So the disposability goes away because i feel like i am now useful.

Get a dog

>>33306510
i start thinking all dog owners are mentaly disabled