Context,

I live in a small town in the Midwest, and for the past 28 years I was kinda stuck here. Lately it feels unbearable, I feel like I'm drowning with sorrow and regret and I really can't stand this place anymore.

Constant flashbacks, on how I could've done things differently, and how I noticed that I lived life for others and not for myself at all.

Lost my mom a few months ago from cancer, had to take care of her since the medical bills kept pilling up. She died in my arms, my dogs died as well, I sometimes can't shake the cold that remains from that feeling.

I'm thinking about moving out and starting over, but for whatever reason I have this conflicting thought in my head about it, even though I can't stand this place, is it because of the comfort zone that this place has created?

I'm employed, have a decent job that can be done remotely, most of my friends left this hellhole, and yet I still found a few others which I can go out and stuff, but I feel alone all the damn time, even If I'm surrounded by people.

It has got to the point where I feel the burning sensation in my chest constantly, like a sharp knife that slowly puts pressure on my sternum.

I don't drink, I don't smoke, don't do drugs, I go to the gym regularly, and yet I feel like my mind is under this great mist and I'm trying to move forward while having anchors tied to my neck.

If anyone has similar stories, and how they started over.

Sorry about your mom

you have an opportunity to think everything out, save some cash and make your next move with plans B and C in place, don't overthink it but don't act on a whim either (as you have time to think and plan whereas some people don't)

I moved to another state with a friend and his gf a year after hs (from nyc originally, no family) and it turned out good because I met the right people when I got here

most of it is chance, but I can also be happy on my own (even though it's always better to have trustworthy reliable people to share experiences with)

there are many viable paths still, but again sometimes they just land on your lap, and it sounds like you do need a change of scenery, you can explore international options even. I'd stay away from ultra overhyped areas (both domestic and international) as there is no value in them.

good luck you got it, and sorry about your mom man. You have everything it takes.

>>33301661 (OP)
>most of my friends left this hellhole, and yet I still found a few others which I can go out and stuff
Shit, how did you do it? I also live in a smalltown and all my friends from school are gone.

>>33301767

Thank you, Indeed, I'm trying not to do any rash decisions thus the uncertainty, and why I'm thinking about thousands of scenarios and replaying them constantly.

>>33301787

The gym helped me with this, between the sets, I started to strike up conversations about how to correctly do the exercises, and a lot of people are actually happy to help which is cool, a few of us had similar interests, and we stayed in touch.

Some people moved next to me, and they started chatting to me, it's pretty random in my case, I think it's mostly about luck.

>>33301826
>about thousands of scenarios and replaying them constantly

that's overthinking, especially the later part, that means you don't have the right mental model for the problem at hand, it's not hard. There are so many scenarios that are impossible to predict or think about in this case. I'd go with the one that even under the worst circumstance would leave me better off or provide a good spring board for change if needed be

>>33301841

You're right, I think I need to cut off the chains of the past, which prevents me from moving forward.

sounds like a good time to gtfo and start over in a big city like NY or LA

you have the potential to write the best emo album of all time

>>33301661 (OP)
Have you tried GAMBLING to fill that void?

>>33301661 (OP)
Move to Alaska and start an emo band

>>33306320

Haha, funny you say that, I did actually, didn't go through with it though.

>>33306306
>>33306369

lmao, I do listen to black veil brides/bad omens quite a lot