Have you ever felt truly invisible to others?

I‘ve, somewhat willingly, designed my life for optimal solitude. I‘m young, I speak to no one outside of my immediate family. The few friends I‘ve had I cut off, because they never really cared. Now I wander the streets living vicariously through the few words I manage to catch from strangers as I pass them. A sliver of hope remains that one day someone will ask me for more than s cigarette but in the meantime I‘m fully aware of my now entirely real and tantalising invisibility.

I‘m not looking for a solution. Not anymore. I would just like to know if anyone shares my predicament. Am I alone even in being alone?

>>33306943 (OP)
Tangible*
Not tantalising, although there is something somewhat exciting about others not being able to notice your existence.

>>33306943 (OP)
>>33306967
You are born alone, and you will die alone. Stop fucking caring about people.

>>33306943 (OP)
>self isolates
>A sliver of hope remains that one day someone will ask me for more than s cigarette

Just this line shows you don't want to be "invisible" but being "invisible" is all you know how to do.

You're lying to yourself, seeking validation for that lie here on /adv/

Look at yourself in them mirror and say the truth.

>>33307001
I somewhat share your thoughts. But I also feel like I‘m missing out. No matter it‘s apparent lack of utility, having someone to ask about your day whilst truly caring to hear your answer, must be nice.

>>33306943 (OP)
I live the same kind of existence for the last 10 years. I cut ties with everybody who was my friend, all my relationships ended in bad ways. I go to work and go home and that's about it, except when I need groceries or something like that. I do kind of wish I had somebody around, but I'm too fucked in the head to make connections with anybody.

In this time I've had women who've given me their phone numbers and I just ghost them. I do one of two things, I push them away or I pull away myself. The best friend I ever had died after I began isolating, we knew each other from kindergarten. Almost a 30 year friendship, and that made me feel more alone than any self imposed isolation.

>>33307008
Your first remark is correct. And my self isolation was only to facilitate that fact. These people made no difference but now I can at least say, with full assurance, that I am genuinely alone.

Could be circumstance that made me like this. Could be some subconscious philosophy I took upon myself to exercise. I don‘t know, but I do fear to lose it. This suffering that provides me with something akin to meaning.

I am sad I‘m unable to trade it for a life of participation. And even if I could I‘m not sure I would.

>>33307038
What I perhaps forgot to mention is: I‘ve never „participated“. No relationships, friendships that were nothing more than forcing people I went to elementary school to spend time with me. Acquaintance based on living in the same 5 mile radius and having spent time in the same classrooms.