I’m too much of a pussy to kill my self. I realized how much of my life I’ had let slip by me. I couldn’t let a diagnosis ruin my life because I am essentially killing myself in a sense. Anxiety ruined me, i used to stress myself out until i would cry at the thought of starting a conversation face to face. I’ve bettered myself, being more outgoing, started going to parties, making friends there.

But im still a pussy, wanting to constantly hurt myself. But I guess I’m even more of a pussy because I can’t bring myself to do it outright, breaking down before pulling through with it, but will actively indulge in long term self harm. I knew my family had problems with addiction. I picked up smoking, hoping I’d ruin my body. Starve myself, hoping I’d get sick enough that my body will give out. Drink until I would vomit.

But I started sobering up. I have actual friends who care,I have a job now. I’m not leeching off people anymore. I’ve been sober for a few weeks now, and I feel like I should be proud of myself for overcoming some obstacles, but I’m ashamed for having caused other problems for myself. I’ve been ashamed of myself for as long as I can remember, how can I finally allow myself to be proud of myself.

Keep going

>>33312631 (OP)
You're doing better than me, give me advice!!!

>>33312631 (OP)
As cliche as it sounds, stop being a slave to your past and continue building your future. You're no longer letting life pass you by which already puts you ahead of a countless number of people.