Once again Im struggling to make this relationship work. Its either a combination of fear, autism, or anxiety which is making normal interactions and relationship activities so difficult. I am beginning to wonder I am incapable of being happy or if we are people who are just not a good match for each other:

1-She knew she liked me from the time she met me, and I was unsure how I felt about her for a longer time. She was not someone I sought out, just someone who showed up in my life once day when I wasn’t looking for a relationship

2-She feels her desires to be empathic and caring and physical are wasted on me, because I get uncomfortable about physical affection. She wants a man who she can hold in her arms during a bad day, or make him feel better when he’s sad

2-She has platonic male friends who are nice and caring towards her, and whom she will comfort and console when they’re going through hard times. She’s told me she actually feels useful with them unlike me. When I try to talk to her about these men she tells me that I shouldn’t care about she doesn’t have feeling for them

3-She wants me to fully initiate and ravage her for sex. She feels loved and desired if her man needs her for his pleasure, she wants those masculine sexual urges

3-I’ve had trauma with sex, so I see it as a guilty activity. When I masturbate, I just try to do it as fast as I can and forget about it just as quickly afterwards. When Im having sex I think I’m somewhere else and have never been able to cum from it

4-She wants traditional gender roles, but feels forced to be more in change because of the way I am. She would prefer to be docile and submissive

4-I never her saw her like that because of the way she is now. She is deterministic, calculated, and gets things done, works in a high-stress high paying job.
Shes always made her own decisions, and I let her do it, so I could make my own decisions. Her telling me she wants to be a 'tradwife' seems the opposite of how she is

1/2

2/2

5-She wants to be a mom someday, she had the money and means to do it, she makes more money than I do and has offered me a life I could never have on my own. She has never asked me to pay for anything since we started dating, and often will treat us to expensive experiences out of pure goodwill.

6-I get anxiety often in life, often around stressful or new situations, I feel stressed around he often because of the many fights we’ve had over the last 5 months. I had a father who was verbally abusive sometimes, and when she yells at me I feel those same things.

6-She thinks I’m so anxious in everyday life that I am purposely trying to be unhappy and pessimistic. That I will never find real happiness because she’s offering it to me and I reject it. Shes called me childish, and that I need to grow up and face reality like an adult.

6-She thinks I would rather be alone and just be social on occasion with friends but never really want to spend time with someone romantically. That I’m destined to be an asexual, anxious ridden person for the rest of my life.

When I think about things ending between us, i get heartbroken, like I let someone down and failed. Like there was this person who COULD offer everything to me if I could just take it. I'm approaching mid 30s, its only getting tougher out there not easier.
I think about what it will be like going forward, how she is so intertwined with my friends, wondering if I will be cut from group activies in the future. I wonder if she will tell other people about how I am, and if she sees me talking to future women, that she might tell them not to get involved with me.

When I'm alone I'm happy, when I'm buried in my hobbies I'm happy. when I'm hanging out with friends I'm happy, I dont have to be worry about making them mad, or forgetting something important, or having to to resposible for their lives,or seeing them every single day.

I've been going to therapy but I dont know if its actually helping anymore.

Sub/sub relationships are difficult to make work, to be honest. She isn't telling you she wants to be a tradwife, she's telling you how she wants YOU to behave - which is to be more authoritative and commanding, in bed and otherwise.
>3-I’ve had trauma with sex, so I see it as a guilty activity. When I masturbate, I just try to do it as fast as I can and forget about it just as quickly afterwards. When Im having sex I think I’m somewhere else and have never been able to cum from it
You're gonna need to fix that, either by therapy or practice. Good sex is paramount in any relationship. Likewise to your aversion to physical contact. For non-autists, physical closeness is something that isn't optional in relationships and your partner probably won't be able to deal with not getting it in the long term.
I suspect your only choices are to force yourself out your comfort zone, or leave her and find a woman as autistic as you are. They do exist.

>>33315017
But I'm not sub though. I HATE when people tell what to do. I dont like being bossed around or controlled. When I'm on my own I like being in charge and doing what I want. Thats likely another trauma, I used to get taken advantage of in middle school and high school, the "nice guy" who would do anything if asked, and girls took advantage of this, and guys would bully me because I never fought back.
There are times where she will tell me things that I perceive as a demand or needy, and be adverse to it, and she will tell me shes just being affectionate and playful.
Often times I only act sub to avoid conflict and get past the situaton quicker so I can go back to not being anxious about it.
Thats mostly what's happening here. I used to stand my ground and it would lead to fights, so I started agreeing with her and stuff just to avoid problems.

For the second part, I agree. Im currently trying to force myself out of my zone. Sometimes it starts to work, but once I'm back home and alone those old thougths come through again. I want to get tested for autism to see if I truly do have it. I have no idea what autistic women are like and not sure how I'd do being with one.

>>33315003 (OP)
>>33315013
It sounds like this isn't that bad, you just have some things to process mentally on your own, and then get used to dominating her more aggressively. You'll probably like it eventually.

Her male friends are not masculine or dominant enough, which is why she's using them for attention and having sex with you instead. She sees you as the dominant, masculine, big and aggressive guy she wants, she just wants you to do a better job expressing that. Don't cry on her shoulder: use her to process emotions that are traditionally masculine. That's what will make her happy.

Also, she is getting too much of her way. You have to start being firmer with her and telling her what to do. For example, don't let her walk all over you during fights. Tell her you want her silent when she yells at you, tell her how you want to communicate. If you keep letting her yell at you this is never going to work.

>>33315041
Forget the idea of "dating autistic women", real ones are very rare and most are going to act like this, too. They're still women and will still nag you to get what they want, they're just worse at it so you'll have to do more mind-reading and guessing.
This girl is decent at telling you what she wants, at least, and that's not something to take for granted. Just stick with her and compromise: do some of what she wants, while also being firmer with her to get what you want. She seems like she'll be happy with that.

>>33315095
>use her to process emotions that are traditionally masculine. That's what will make her happy.
Can you explain more what tradiationally masculine emotions are?

I feel like my sex drive around her is low or borderline non-existant. She hates being the one to say lets have sex tonight because otherwise i would never want to do it.
I got my T levels chcked and I was at 525 which is normal for my age range. I even considering buying T supplments to see.

She has gotten better at telling me exactly what the issues are. For months it was a bunch of mind reading, and feeling emotionally manipulated by her. Everyone I talked to her about her said end the relationship because we arent compatible. They said this months ago.
I'm wondering if she has autism too, maybe a different kind. She has some quirks that I dont see in other people like how she has over 50 copies of the same book, all unread, she just kept buying the same one over again.

The point we are at now, I feel anxious around worried I'm going to piss her off again somehow, and she sees that in me, she tells over and over to stop being axious, stop being depressed and stop acting like this, because it annoys her and makes her irritated.
I'm trying, I really am.

>>33315003 (OP)
She's submissive and you're too much of a pussy to be in a relationship. Jesus man, grow some fucking balls. Are you retarded?

>>33315955
nah its more like I just like doing my own thing, and avoiding conflict. I struggle to handle relationships because I dont have a balance when it comes to telling someone what you want to do.
Either it comes across as a acting like a boss/employee or I just pull back completely and handle disagreements with 'you do your thing and ill do mine' which is why i think autism may be involved here, there is alot of black/white thinking.
My family is very hands off. we dont talk about our private lives with each other. my mom is supportive but otherwise doesnt tell us anything.

my gf told me last night she thinks I have "high functioning depression" because of my withdrawness in the relationship. I never heard of that before so I'll have to see what thats all about.

>>33315955
nah its more like I just like doing my own thing, and avoiding conflict. I struggle to handle relationships because I dont have a balance when it comes to telling someone what you want to do.
Shes a short brown girl who is very outward with her opinions. These are the kinds of girls who say they want to be docile but then will go off when something happens they dont like.
Either it comes across as a acting like a boss/employee or I just pull back completely and handle disagreements with 'you do your thing and ill do mine' which is why i think autism may be involved here, there is alot of black/white thinking.
My family is very hands off. we dont talk about our private lives with each other. my mom is supportive but otherwise doesnt tell us anything.

my gf told me last night she thinks I have "high functioning depression" because of my withdrawness in the relationship. I never heard of that before so I'll have to see what thats all about.

You still here...
Drop her.
She's mentally unwell.
You are too, in a different way.
Two wrongs don't make a right.

She's really freaking immature. If you wanna have a family and all that, I think it's best to find someone actually ready for that. Not somebody wrapped up in these... Detrimental social constructs.

At this point the gold ain't worth the dig
I say cut your losses

1 you don't like her. You'd didn't like her at first. After being with her, she didn't grow on you either. You still don't like her.
She liked you at first, but she liked some first impression idea of you that was false, she didn't like the real you. No love there, just childish limerence stuff.

2 sounds like she wants to be "useful" in a totally unnecessary way. Very childish. She wants to be a mommy gf or attain some ideal archetype of femaleness, due to her internal inadequacy with herself. Spineless

3 again, due to her internal inadequacy with herself, spineless shit, waste of time "comforting" random men to stroke her ego and feel "useful" akin to saviour complex

3.5 you have erectile dysfunction or something. Can be trained. Or disappear, with the right person. Which she is not. Since you don't explain what the trauma is, whatever, but it's likely a nothing burger that can be fixed. It's just sex.

4 she would prefer to be retarded ok

4.5 yeah cuz she's wrapped up in the social status of being muh tradwife, cuz she's again plagued by her own inadequacy in her femininity or social status or whatever self

5 but do you want the life she offers? And why so certain that you can't achieve this life you want on your own?

6 that's for you to reconcile with your dad, but clearly she is not a good partner if she's recreating the same dynamic

6.5 reject her, leave. Who does she think she is, offering "happiness"? Invalidating your feelings, because you're feeling them "on purpose"? She's the one who needs to grow up

6.6 well yeah, you don't wanna spend time with her, cuz she sucks.

>>33315003 (OP)
sometimes two people just aren’t meant to be man