>I have a girlfriend of 2.5 years (both 25 y/o)
>My second long-term relationship, her first.
>Lived together in a one-bed flat for 2 years.
>When she moved to the country 3 years ago, she didn’t know anyone. My friends also became her friends, and that group has slowly expanded.
>We enjoy group settings (unless we’ve just argued).
>Don’t share many hobbies and usually bounce off each other’s interests
>We do have shared values.

When things are good, they’re good. I work long hours (12–14 hours a day, 5 days a week), and she often cooks for me when I get home late. She’s kind, affectionate, and clearly cares about me.

But we argue often. These conflicts have been happening for at least 18 months. In major arguments, she questions if we should be together or looks at flights home. She said “I want to break up” in July 2024, but walked it back hours later.

The most extreme case was in mid-May: I came home to find our physical photos removed, her gone from our shared albums, a 3-page written letter, and her telling her parents we’d “semi-broken up.” Another May argument (minor) ended with her raising her voice and criticising me on a crowded bus.

In every argument, I end up apologising and making amends. I’ve told her this. She asks what she can change on her end, but I rarely have an answer. To be fair, the arguments are often reasonable. I have ADHD, which affects executive function, which does cause issues, although I've been trying to manage it.

Honestly, I think if we didn’t live together or share so many friends, we’d have broken up. Rent, logistics, and social overlap have always made breaking up harder than staying.

Even now, I’m unsure. We had a couple minor arguments this week, but now things are “back to normal.” It feels odd to say “I think we should break up.” I think it would blindside her, our friends, and my family. We have shared memories, in-jokes, possessions. Just last week she said she was “really proud of where she is in life right now.”

>>33318918 (OP)
I couldn't live like this. I would break up, it's easier to do it now than later.

>>33318918 (OP)
>I think it would blindside her, our friends, and my family. We have shared memories, in-jokes, possessions. Just last week she said she was “really proud of where she is in life right now.”
Meanwhile last year she constantly questioned the relationship and outright said she wanted to break up. Think about how while you feel guilty about ending the relationship while she had no issues throwing it out there as easily as saying "I'm hungry right now"

>>33319784
For what it's worth, I would say her threatening to leave is less "I will walk through that door right now unless you do xyz", but more things like (all taken from texts she's sent me):

>"Mentally: To be honest, I've considered breaking up when I'm sick [...] Of course, as I get better, my thoughts become less "extreme", and breaking up with you is never really in any plans"
>"And that made me want to run away from you right now. I've pictured living alone, cutting off contact, and thart makes me feel lonely but safe in a way."
>"My mum messaged me today and asked how things are, I told her we are semi-broken up. As I can't see a way out here, and it's very sad (also difficult as we still live together) to think about actually breaking up. [...] Do you really need a girlfriend? Do you really need ME as your girlfriend? Can you not find a better person? Do you not prefer living alone? And if that's the case, help me to love you again. Help me to trust you again. [...] If that's not the case, please also let me know. It will be difficult and heartbreaking, and we (mostly likely me) will lose a few friends because of this, but we will move on".

Or she'll say it in-person when we're discussing post-argument, something like "I've sometimes considered breaking up" or "Sometimes I feel like it'd be easier if I were single, as that way I wouldn't have any expectations of someone".
She does struggle to say those things, it's less "mentioned in passing", I guess?

>>33318918 (OP)
>be anon
>have gf for 2.5 years
>but we argue often
>These conflicts have been happening for at least 18 months.
>18 months of aruguing
>18 months out of a 2.5yr relationship
anon thats around half of that timespan. clearly somethings wrong with her and you and it started then, who knows what it couldve been. maybe you arent compatible with eachother. maybe shes homesick (asian im guessing) and traditionally she stays with you because she was raised to be loyal. its difficult to give advice to you desu, 18 months of conflict wow.. sorry to hear that man.

>>33319916
I think it mostly started to show after we moved in together. Scrolling back through lengthly texts she sometimes sends me post-arguments (>>33319857), the earlier ones I can find come just after we moved in.

Yes, she's Asian (suprised you were able to guess). She's a little homesick, but it's complicated - she'd never want to move back to China permanently, and when she goes back within a few weeks she wants to return to the UK, but she does say she occasionally struggles being so far away from her home.

When I say "18 months of conflict", perhaps that's an exaggeration of intensity/frequency. It's not "every couple of days we yell at each other and bring the house down" (in fact, I don't even think we've properly shouted at each other before - only raised voices). The majority of that time has been neutral or good, with arguments scattered among the 18 months:
>Minor arguments: Once every 2-3 weeks. Sours a day or two, usually resolves fairly quickly once things have calmed down and I've apologised for whatever it is I've done.
>Major arguments: Once every 1-2 months. It'll sour an entire weekend or longer, have her allude to breaking up, require extensive apologies from me (and I've written lengthly apology cards on several occasions where a verbal apology needed extra "punch"), she might look for flights home (but will never actually buy tickets).

Most of the time though, things are fine. I've suspected she might have PMDD, given it tends to happen around the time where she's on her period or takes a break in birth control - to the point where I've half-joked that we'd have some major fallout in a coming week when she mentions her period is about to start.

>>33319937
to be clearly honest anon, im just skimming. but seems she is homesick and thats always an issue with overseas woman, ESPECIALLY ASIANS. if its when you moved in, then thats the issue perhaps. many couples enjoy eachother because theres no conflict, that is until they move in with eachother. im guessing you guys aeent married either. I wouldnt know what to do anon, but clearly you're missing something. I would go as far as to talk to her parents, but then again asian woman are something else so cant help you there besides pick at your brain to find a reason why you guys are even together if she keeps insisting on breakups(even if she isnt serious half the time)

>>33319949
Yup - we're not married. Her parents push for us to get married all the time (I've met her parents in China twice, as soon as she was out of the room her parents cornered me and asked when I'd marry her). I'm in no hurry to get married, and she doesn't want to marry until I learn Mandarin Chinese up to a B2 level, which could take years anyway.

Unfortunately her parents don't speak English (I normally require my gf to translate, or they'll pull up a translation app on their phone, or they'll use very very very basic words to roughly convey meaning, e.g. "When...you...[gf]...marry?".

>>33319959
if you really want to be with this girl, then the barrier of language has to be overcome. iphone conversations wont go far at all.
>iv'e met her parents
>twice!
>chinese of all things
>talked through translate and gf :v
not trying to pick on you anon, but hopefully its helping a bit on thinking about the whole situation.
>she doesnt want to marry until i learn mandarin chinese.
lol

>>33319988
So my girlfriend is essentially fluent in English (not native level, but you wouldn't be able to tell except for tiny grammatical errors in longer conversations). Unfortunately the time required for my job really puts a limit on how much I can learn in a week, and my girlfriend doesn't want to teach or practice with me herself, because it's tiring to teach someone a language.

>hopefully its helping a bit on thinking about the whole situation.
No worries, it is helping

brodie I don't mean to be a downer but your thing is pretty much over at this point, she's mentally checked out of the relationship and is likely for someone else at the moment. it ended in mid-May as you described and you've been flatmates since
I might be wrong but I went through something similar and that's how it was pretty much
good luck

>>33319995
this >>>33320396 plus it just dawned on me that you working all those hours doesnt help in being in a close relationship. kinda like how a child growing up will have less attachment to a parent if their never there, even if they are working hard for a good life.

>>33320396
It's not as over as you probably think. It's certainly not good, but a gf talking about breaking up then walking it back, getting into arguments frequently, etc. is actually a good sign OP can still fix it.

Trust me. It's when she goes cold/quiet and stops arguing that it's truly fucking over. That's what happened to me. She was so done she wouldn't even argue anymore. Learn to view the arguments as a blessing because, believe it or not, it can get way worse than that.

>>33320396
>>33320541
>she's mentally checked out of the relationship and is likely for someone else at the moment. it ended in mid-May as you described and you've been flatmates since
So I don't think this is the case (if anything, I'm the one who is more checked out). She's very affectionate still, and even today she's acting as she normally does during the good times. In fact, today she mentioned she's arranging for her parents to visit next year (very big deal, as they need permission from the Chinese government about a year in advance, and it's a monumental task she wouldn't even bother with as her parents were very against visiting my country until we were married). She's been arranging for us to do things together - we have a holiday in Europe coming up, we're going out to lunch tomorrow, seeing a friend for dinner on Monday, etc. - all things she's organised.

This isn't rose-tinted goggles either. We're just in the "positive" side of the cycle - until something sets her off (probably when she takes her next birth control break or period comes, as mentioned here with PMDD suspicions (>>33319937)). At some point in the next month, we'll have a major argument again, and things will be bad for a couple of days, she'll allude to whether we should be together, and then when it settles and I apologise it'll be back to good again. Perhaps with some more minor arguments along the way.

To be honest, it'd almost be easier if she had checked out, because I'm confused - 80% of the time the relationship is great. The other 20% of the time it's not. Maybe even 90%/10%. When it's going great, ending the relationship feels shocking, like I'm throwing away a good thing and upending my life. When it's going bad, I'm already planning in my head how to manage the major logistical issues of a breakup.

>>33320867
>I'm the one who is more checked out
That's probably what's keeping the relationship going. If she's more interested in you and the relationship than you are in her and the relationship, she'll try to keep things going as long as possible. It's when you care more about her and the relationship than she does she will blow everything up.

>>33321088
To be honest, I'm slightly worried I won't ever really go back to the level of "being checked in" to the relationship that I once was.

For some reason, it was her removing herself from all our shared online photo albums which got to me (as it therefore removed any photo that she'd uploaded to them in the last 2.5 years). It felt like she was tearing those memories away from me. I've not really raised this with her - I know if I did she'd apologise, immediately offer to reupload the photos, etc. but I don't know if that would solve the negative emotions associated with that particular act. She'd probably also wonder why it took me 2 months to tell her how much it bothered me, whether she actually raises that thought I don't know.

>>33321636
Sounds rough. I think that's the sort of thing that'd affect me too, though I'm not sure why.

>>33321636
>boo hoo my photos
Anon, they're literally pixels on a screen

>>33321636
Sort through your feelings and what you want to say, then tell her. Communication is a requirement for a healthy relationship, especially emotional communication. Of she asks why it took so long, just say it took you this long to sort through your feelings and figure out why it was bothering you so much.

Making yourself a little vulnerable can often massively help repair things. And a lot of men struggle with it. I know I do. I had to learn how to do all this shit. I used to keep it inside and seethe.

>>33323473
It's about what it represents - erasure.

>>33323598
goatse is just pixels on a screen, do you show it to your mom and tell her that as an excuse? Being reductionist is faggotry.

>>33318918 (OP)
Continue the relationship as long as it's good but if your gf EVER verbally questions whether you should be together again, that should be FINAL - walk away. (Since this is a change from past behavior it's probably best to warn your gf about this up front).
You cannot live in a relationship where this ultimatum is used more than incidentally - such ultimatums are used for warding off particularly destructive causes (financial ruin, cheating, drugs), not for normal bickering and ADHD. She doesn't respect you if she does that.

>>33318918 (OP)
nyaa

>>33318918 (OP)
2.5 years is a long time. I think you should solve whatever it is that's causing the argument itself because that's the real problem. If there's no cheating involved on both parties then much more for you to solve whatever it is that's causing it. You say that she's caring, affectionate, cooks for you and all. It's really rare to find a woman like that these days. And you're also her first long term relationship which makes it better. If only you can solve whatever the roots of these arguments are.

OP here, just had a minor-ish (potential for it to go major) argument with her today.
>on the way back to our flat from a meal out. Good meal, in good spirits, we're both in a good mood.
>she stops talking to me, assume it's normal at first but then she starts getting emotionally cold and curt.
>I ask her what the matter is.
>she says "You know what you did" but she refuses to elaborate when I ask, genuinely confused
>she says "You were talking on our way back"
>I'm confused and ask her what she means, ask about different parts of the conversation
>She says "I don't think you even remember".
>I keep asking
>she says "It sounded like when you were sleep talking. And it scared me. It was like you were talking to a voice in your head. I'm not talking to you until you wake up. You were doing it constantly".
>I keep asking, now genuinely concerned, wondering if I've had some kind of seizure despite not being epileptic, because she seems really agitated by it.
>She says "You really don't remember do you. No. I'm not talking to you until you wake up."
>Eventually realise she's probably referring to when I say some kind of meaningless nonsense to her (something I do occasionally with both friends, family, and her)
>Autistic stuff like "You remind me of the metro map; I don't know where I'd be without you" or slightly more nonsensical stuff
>Turns out I said two short sentences about 5 minutes apart, not a constant stream of dialogue.
>I'm confused as to why this caused such a huge reaction, she says it sounded too much like the tone I use when I sleep talk
>She agrees it's something I do all the time, but says this time was different because it's so similar to the tone I use when I sleep talk.
She's already in a mood where now she won't talk to me for the rest of the day.
>I (unfortunately) lightly scoff at the absurdity of the reaction (given I thought I'd somehow forgotten 10 minutes of conversation and could be having a seizure), which understandably makes things worse

>>33323886
>>33323473
On the photos, I'm don't think she actually intended to remove all the photos, and just wanted to leave the albums. I don't think Google Photos makes it clear "If you leave an album, we'll remove all your photos from that album".
I have noticed she hasn't restored our photos on the shelves yet (the argument happened 2 months ago now).

>>33323998
Part of me doesn't even want to tell her that I'll walk away if she suggests breaking up again. I think it's because it'll stop her from using the words, but it won't change the rest of the nature of the arguments, and I'll always have in the back of my mind "She's probably questioning whether we should be together, but can't actually say so because I told her not to - but she would be saying it otherwise".

>>33323998
>You cannot live in a relationship where this ultimatum is used more than incidentally
From what OP said here >>33319857 it's not an ultimatum. I've said to my partner things like "I can't be with someone who doesn't care for me when I'm sick", or "When I'm upset sometimes I just want to run away".

An unreasonable ultimatum is something like "If you don't take me out to dinner tonight, I'm breaking up with you!".

OP here, just had a minor-ish (potential for it to go major) argument with her today.
>on the way back to our flat from a meal out. Good meal, in good spirits, we're both in a good mood.
>she stops talking to me, assume it's normal at first but then she starts getting emotionally cold and curt.
>I ask her what the matter is.
>she says "You know what you did" but she refuses to elaborate when I ask, genuinely confused
>she says "You were talking on our way back"
>I'm confused and ask her what she means, ask about different parts of the conversation
>She says "I don't think you even remember".
>I keep asking
>she says "It sounded like when you were sleep talking. And it scared me. It was like you were talking to a voice in your head. I'm not talking to you until you wake up. You were doing it constantly".
>I keep asking, now genuinely concerned, wondering if I've had some kind of seizure despite not being epileptic, because she seems really agitated by it.
>She says "You really don't remember do you. No. I'm not talking to you until you wake up."
>Eventually realise she's probably referring to when I say some kind of meaningless nonsense to her (something I do occasionally with both friends, family, and her)
>Autistic stuff like "You remind me of the metro map; I don't know where I'd be without you" or slightly more nonsensical stuff
>Turns out I said two short sentences about 5 minutes apart, not a constant stream of dialogue.
>I'm confused as to why this caused such a huge reaction, she says it sounded too much like the tone I use when I sleep talk
>She agrees it's something I do all the time, but says this time was different because it's so similar to the tone I use when I sleep talk.
She's already in a mood where now she won't talk to me for the rest of the day.
>I (unfortunately) lightly scoff at the absurdity of the reaction (given I thought I'd somehow forgotten 10 minutes of conversation and could be having a seizure), which understandably makes things worse

>>33324430
is this standard for being in a relationship?
if so, i'm glad to be khv

>>33324430
sounds like what I went through every day with my BPD ex (also Chinese), though at least she didn't start screaming or running away trying to get lost so she can say you abandoned her, so maybe its salvageable

>>33325189
How do I know if it's BPD?

>>33325204
Just had a look at the syptoms and doesn't seem to line up in her case:
>no suicidal tendences
>no hearing voices
>no thinking "i'm a terrible person"
>no impulsive behaviour as it pertains to things like tattoos, drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping (well, maybe shopping, not sure), etc.
>no fear of abandonment or threats to kill herself if I leave
So probably something else.

>>33325204
>>33325223
I dunno, but I can give you my experience of her symptoms
>two personalities: a bright, fun loving, cute girl and an emotionally stunted demonic psychopath who came out when any little thing irritated her (and no-one she knew was around to see her)
>a seeming inability to understand nuance or shades of grey. Not once did an argument end with a compromise
>extreme clinginess and no respect for boundaries
>hypercritical of anything I did, demanding I do things exactly her way or else
>big 'ol fear of abandonment
I could go but these are the ones that showed up daily and line up with other people's experiences I've read online. She showed the other behaviours you mentioned too, just less frequently

Anyway, didn't mean to say your gf was BPD. I just meant that at least she doesn't sound seriously mentally ill so maybe you can fix things

>>33318918 (OP)
Just get a bull to help keep her happy while you're busy with your job, or struggling with executive function?
It'll make her a lot happier than you ever could alone

>>33325275
>two personalities: a bright, fun loving, cute girl and an emotionally stunted demonic psychopath who came out when any little thing irritated her (and no-one she knew was around to see her)
Yes, kind of - I wouldn't say absolute psychopath in my gf's case, and yes - it tends to come out less when she's around others (except two or three weeks ago when she lambasted me on a crowded bus, later telling me it was justified because she was so frustrated she couldn't control herself).
>a seeming inability to understand nuance or shades of grey. Not once did an argument end with a compromise
Kind of - there's never been a time where an argument has ended with her apologising or trying to work out ways she can improve things. I always have to be the one to go to her, make amends. I've called her out on this (as it feels unlikely that in 2.5 years and many dozens of arguments she's never been in the wrong), and she's asked "Well, what should I change? Tell me" and I don't ever know what to say.
>extreme clinginess and no respect for boundaries
Not in my case
>hypercritical of anything I did, demanding I do things exactly her way or else
In some things, yes. When it comes to things which are exclusively my domain (e.g. my job, my personal finances, etc.) she doesn't act controlling over it. If it's something that concerns the both of us, there's certainly less leeway to do it my way, but she won't be immovably stubborn.
>big 'ol fear of abandonment
Not in my case, in fact her referencing/alluding to us breaking up seems to suggest the opposite perhaps.

>Anyway, didn't mean to say your gf was BPD. I just meant that at least she doesn't sound seriously mentally ill so maybe you can fix things
Oh yeah, of course. To be honest, I'm not sure whether it's worth trying to fix any more. This argument >>33324430 has knocked any desire to fix it for now. I'm not sure if I'd be able to do better elsewhere, and if these things are my fault I'd run into the same issues.

>>33324430
Next time tell her "If something I've said bothered you, just tell me, I don't feel like playing games with you." Having to interrogate her is exhausting, trust me I've been there. I refuse to put up with that shit anymore. It's retarded and immature. Also what upset her sounds retarded to begin with.

>>33325223
She could have BPD. What you've described sounds very similar to my BPD ex as well. Not saying she necessarily has it, but this behavior checks out.

>>33325300
>Not in my case, in fact her referencing/alluding to us breaking up seems to suggest the opposite perhaps.
That doesn't mean she isn't afraid of abandonment. Often, BPD chicks break up or threaten to break up precisely because they're afraid of you doing it to them first. Like, you're having relationship issues and she thinks you might dump her so she wants to pull the trigger before you do.

Yes, this is retarded, and she is in fact abandoning you, doing the very thing she's afraid of you doing. This is what BPD tards do. Happened to me as well, many times.

>>33318918 (OP)
Yes

>>33318918 (OP)

If you don’t argue well, it’s just not worth it. You’re burning both of yalls time

>>33325362
I did tell her this when we were arguing, and she said (irritated):
>"I thought you were joking and pretending you didn't know, even when you asked multiple times"
Most of the time (50-75%) she's pretty immediate in telling me what I've done to annoy her, though usually it's much more obvious to me.

Our arguments are sometimes stupid, sometimes not.

The one last year (pretty much exactly a year ago), where she actually said "I want to break up" but reneged on it 6 hours later:
>I told her I had an weekend-long event in the city, and I'd be completely busy.
>She said she understood.
>That Sunday she wanted to hang out, so came to join me.
>She got bored after a 1-2 hours, and wanted us to leave and go home much earlier (event ended at 7:30pm, she wanted to leave at 3:30pm).
>I said, quite bluntly, no, I'd stay, and I'd join her later if she wanted to leave.
>She doesn't like the tone I use and breaks up (after lambasting me in the middle of a public park).

The bus incident a few weeks ago was more justifiably frustrating to her:
>we were going out to meet friends.
>Because of my time blindness we were 30 minutes late.
>she gets annoyed and starts asking me what I'm going to do to fix it in future
>I give solutions but she shuts every one of them down, saying they'll never work, asks for new solutions, repeat.
>says I know how long it takes me to get ready, and when I needed to leave, so I should have zero problem leaving on time
>she spends 10 minutes straight raising her voice and ranting at me on a crowded bus

Other things are just odd:
>in a group setting with friends
>talking about movie preferences
>someone brings up subtitles
>I say "I usually put them on because poor audio mixing makes me miss dialogue"
>gf was under the impression that I put subtitles on to prevent her needing to ask whoever we were with to do so, saving her embarrasment as English is her second language.
>This upset her and later lead to an argument that evening.

>>33325463
Are all women like this? Are all Asian women like this?

>>33325463
These arguments are kinda odd OP, but not really anything unexpected. Sounds like standard bickering to me. Anyone here can confirm - if you're looking to find a relationship where these things don't happen you're delusional.

>>33324430
That's your "traditional and submissive Asian waifu", ya fags. Asian women are worse than white women by a mile. She knows you are an autistic loser who cannot who cannot stand up for himself and shows her real face way before marriage. You are a doormat and easy to gaslight. You deserve all your sufferings by this dragon woman. With 25 and not married she is considered a leftover woman in Chinkland, so she will be more psychotic later on. Don't be delusional marriage will fix anything, she will be worse than she is now, be grateful she is stupid enough to be unfiltered. Gooks are a matriarchal people and you receive the full treatment of it.

>>33328123
Honestly at the moment I'm dreading marriage to her. She did tell her parents when she was 18 she never wanted to marry, etc. and met me at 23 and changed her mind. Her parents are keen for us to be married but I'm certainly in no rush at all, and neither is she. One of her friends suggested we get married for the spousal visa, but she wants to have her status in this country to be independent of being with others.

I'm checking out more and more by the day. She's going on holiday for a week starting Wednesday, and I'm half tempted to tell her "I don't think we should be together. I'll give it some thought over the week you're away" (or words to that effect), but I don't want to ruin her holiday with the constant fear that when she gets back I could be broken up with her.

>>33328138
>I don't want to ruin her holiday
Nigger, you are cucked into oblivion. Do yourself a favor and break up with her and be celibate for life. She getting railed while you sit at home masturbating.

>>33318918 (OP)
Anon, why the fuck are you using /adv/ for this?
>70% of people here are turbovirgins who have such a lack of experience with women they struggle to imagine one
>5% will give you good advice but still emotionally stunted.
>25% will give you awful advice just to fuck with you

Thanks OP for reminding me why it's good to be single in 2025

OP again, oof, another minor argument today.
>Playing new co-op board game with girlfriend, and another friend, Jess, at Jess' flat.
>Board game is based off video game all of us have played.
>Girlfriend has skimmed the rulebook
>Girlfriend tries to claim there's a (detrimental) rule in the book where resources vanish periodically, as this happens in the video game.
>I say "Oh, no - the rulebook explicitly states this does not happen" (which it does very clearly, I say this in the kindest tone possible, without sounding patronising).
>Girlfriend skims through rulebook, insists the rules say it does happen.
>I offer to show her where in the rulebook
>She ignores me, keeps going through rules
>A few minutes pass. I reiterate I can show her where it says this rule doesn't exist.
>Jess awkwardly looks on, recognises that my girlfriend is being oddly stubborn and passes me occasional half-smile, half-shrug glances every time my offers to help are met with stubborn silence
>Gf insists this detrimental rule applies, keeps looking
>After about 5 minutes of us sitting in essentially silence, gf finally huffs and passes the rules to me
>I find the rule instantly, point out the page, read it out "Resources do not vanish periodically" or whatever.
>Girlfriend takes rulebook back, demands to see where it is, not believing me.
>I point it out again
>Girlfriend looks at me as though she wants to kill me
>We leave shortly after as it's past midnight and we all have work tomorrow
>Girlfriend refuses to talk to me on the 20 minute walk home, walks on opposite side of the street
We're now back home, she's just taken a piece of paper and pen upstairs, almost certainly to write me a letter. No doubt this letter will say "You upset me tonight. I'm questioning whether we should be together."

This is all so tiresome. If she threatens or alludes to breaking up in this letter, I'm going to take the easy out.

>>33330628
God damn, I don't miss being in my twenties.

>>33330628
What game was this OP, out of curiousity?

>>33330666
The Stardew Valley board game. Not a game I would have picked but Jess and my gf are both Stardew fanatics (hundreds/thousands of hours of playtime, I maybe have 30-40 hours).
>Part of the board game involves planting crops and harvesting them later on in exchange for currency.
>In the video game, these wither when the season changes.
>However, in the board game, this doesn't happen, otherwise crops are completely unviable (e.g. there are crops which take 5 rounds to grow and seasons last 4 rounds)
>gf insisted that crops should wither and be discarded
>The rules explicitly state twice that crops do not wither (there are no rules for withering at all, so it's not like there are other mechanics for this).
>The clarification is written in explicitly to tell players who assume "board game matches video game 1:1".

You sound like a total fag. You have severe mommy issues and the word "argument" is some keyword to identify your degree of desperation. She has you around her finger and you will always be a cuck. May God put you out of your misery before I do, you filthy sex-haver yellow-fever degenerate.

>>33318918 (OP)
OP, as probably the only woman to actually reply to your thread, let me give you some proper /adv/ice.
Relationships are not just happiness dispensers. When you're under 30 years old, you see any relationship wobble as a sign that it's a terrible relationship, and consider breaking up rather than working on it.
If you want a good relationship, it won't just be a case of "find the perfect woman and date her". It's "Find a woman and make the perfect relationship".
Every relationship will have its disagreements, rough spots, and more. Speak to your parents or any couple that have been together long enough - they'll have been through worse.
Maturing is realising that "love" is something you work on, not just some burning inferno of rabid affection and happy feelings.
Imagine you work on things with your girlfriend, and stick together for 30 years, and you work with her for those 30 years. THAT'S how you get the relationship you want.

>>33333125
This is awful advice

>>33328138
If you're dreading marriage that's not a good sign. Depends why.

>>33335155
I worry that if things don't improve long-term, I'll be stuck in a cycle of weekly arguments.
I think theoretically it's possible to fix, as quite a few arguments come from ADHD symptoms which I could manage better.

Anyway, she's leaving to go on holiday in 12 hours, and she'll be gone for a week. She'll be with her best friend abroad. Found myself looking at bed prices today to see if I can make a bedroom out of the living room, but breaking up over text feels like a bad idea. I guess I should see how I feel and wait until she returns.

>>33318918 (OP)
moving in with a girl is the fastest way to destroy your relationship. most likely it is inevitable. save yourself time or don't

>>33336950
How do you know if you can move in with a woman eventually? Like, if I date someone else, things could be going great, we then move in and all this happens again?

>>33336950
Actual retard advice. You will end up moving in together at some point. Better to find out if you can live together or not before getting married.

>>33333125
>>33333795
No it's very solid and universally valid advice in general.
Everything is changeable. A relationship is a piece of work. But of course it's reasonable to question whether the base material is good enough to work with and worth all the effort, or whether one's own skill is sufficient to work with this material to achieve a shared agreeable result. One can always work on one's own skill, and one's own actions and their results are everything one can ever really own. But it is worth to consider what is worth putting effort into.

>>33336895
You are thinking very reasonably from what I can read, with what seems to be a generous measure of compassion, empathy and tolerance.
And I can think I can empathize a lot with you, because I also have an Asian chick and I see some vague similarities that are hard to pinpoint exactly, but I think they have to do with deeply ingrained habits of thinking and perceiving born from different cultures. You are of the same species but alien to each other on some fundamental perceptual level, which can lead to warped interpretations and perceptions of each other in both good and bad directions. Some aspects of that alienness can appear very agreeable, admirable, easy to fall in love with. At other times this alienness leads to bad perceptions of each other that one can hardly empathize with. Both of these are probably misleading, and it's good to get disillusioned.

I think you are doing well. Stay responsible and focused on the quality of your own actions and intentions, because that is all you can rely on. The greatest gift one can give to each other is freedom.
Making the living room into a *potential* bedroom could be such an act of giving greater freedom to both of you, for example. It all depends on how you can shape your own perception and intentions, without relying too much on rationalizations or expected potential perceptions from the other side.

>>33340656
There's a lot of words in this but it doesn't actually make much sense.

>>33343089
That's because you can't read and think properly.

>>33324430
Nigga she's cheating on you and trying to make you fuck off on your own to put the blame on you but you're too autistic to catch the hint

>>33344824
Honestly if she was cheating it'd make it easier. over the last few days I've completely emotionally checked out, and it'd be much easier to have a break-up conversation if I had an immediate justifiable reason.

>>33318918 (OP)
Dude, she's BPD.
Break up with her, it would be best for your and her.
>t. someone that postponed the inevitable and married the BPD and now in very ugly divorce

>>33347251
You have justifiable reasons. They don't have to be "immediate".
Waiting for something shitty to happen so you can easier explain to her how shitty she is is just cowardice and dishonesty. Don't be a dishonest coward.

>>33347501
Honestly, having read up on some symptoms I could see it being some form of PTSD. She's told me her parents were abusive in a few ways and that she was molested before school most days by a particular stranger when she was in elementary school.
Quite a few of the symptoms seem to reflect it.

>>33348061 (me)
cPTSD, to be precise

>>33347720
She's currently away on holiday until next Wednesday, and I hadn't fully checked out until yesterday (when she had already left).
Honestly I've had so much peace now she's away. I don't even care to check in on her to see how her holiday is going.

>>33328138
>and met me at 23 and changed her mind
loooooooool you're so dumb hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

>>33348102
my gf also said the same thing as op and its working fine

>>33348454
Yeah quite a few women say this
Don't think much of it