Where can I have a genuine conversation about my suicide plan where somebody will listen to me and have a real discussion about whether or not I should go through with it? I know most people will just jump to a kneejerk reaction of 'you shouldn't do it' which is just annoying and not really listening to me. And I can't tell a therapist because they will just lock me up which also does nothing for me.

>>33321551 (OP)
why dont you just say why you want to do it

>>33321562
Alright, well I am in my 30s and have nothing to show for my time on this Earth, I was bullied extensively as a kid and have been unable to form connections with people, my youth is gone and I spent all that time avoiding people because of my undiagnosed cPTSD. All I've been doing is writing, I've been treating that as my purpose in life and something that would redeem all the shit I've gone through and lead me to a better life. But I've had pretty much no success, so it seems like I've pretty much wasted all that time.
It's starting to become clear to me that I have no purpose here and I'm not here to be loved; it will never happen. I think my Zoloft has stopped working because I have felt more and more depressed lately, it's basically every day now that I feel like I'm screaming inside. My plan is to finish what I'm working on and just buy a gun and end it, in my state it is easy to get one. But I have no one I can talk to about this stuff or seek guidance from in my life.

>>33321634
Your age does not matter. You likely have another 50 years of old-fashioned life expectancy and, a little bit speculatively, maybe centuries, since an awful lot can happen in fifty years. That's how I look at these things. I doubt that you will find anyone to discuss such things with, and that too doesn't matter. I realize that my answer is a bit paradoxical. In summary: Start right now building a wonderful life, since the present is really all you have control over, and also imagine a wonderful future that you just might become a part of.

>>33321688
It's just like why keep going if you're going to be unfairly treated from the beginning? If this was a video game I'd quit. Most people don't have to put up with this shit, most people get a chance at a normal happy youth. I did not. And yet I'm expected to compete with those people for relationships, happiness, and achievements. I'm expected to start right now and be able to play the game of life alongside people who have thirty years of experience over me. It would be better to just end it and bet on reincarnation.

>>33321707
i am pretty sure every well pondered faith of reincarnation concludes that suicide (excepting succumbing to valiant and hopeless missions) bodes ill for your next iteration

i'm pretty sure even those japanese monks who mummify themselves do it to prove themselves and escape the cycle of samsara

anyway

people aren't listening to you because if you reward someone waving the flag of suicide with attention, they will probably do it again and it's exhausting

>>33321707
>Most people don't have to put up with this shit, most people get a chance at a normal happy youth.
No and no, at least not for me. It's simple: Stop the futile effort of projecting what you imagine about other people and stop living in the past. You can only control the present in order to build the future.

>>33321859
I don't see any future for me except continuing to struggle and fight a losing battle. "Building the future" is what I've been doing for the last few years and I still am nothing and have nothing.

>>33321634
You are clearly depressed. I think you should try and improve that before doing anything stupid.

Do you exercise? It is what got me out of depression. I took ssris and did therapy but it didn't really changed things. Then I started doing boxing and after I do it for like 5 minutes I feel like I have some worth.

>>33321551 (OP)
I would jump to a kneejerk reaction of you should actually do it.

>>33321551 (OP)
First of all, stop this bs

Second of all, if you really wanna achieve a new level of perception, go academics, doesn't matter what field. Find your local uni or something and apply

Just do it

>>33321634
try antidepressants first