I’ve (27m) been dating a wonderful girl (25f) for the past half year. We both got infatuated with each other and decided to go for a week holiday together in August.
Unfortunately this will be the first and probably the last holiday, because she will be moving to Barcelona for her masters in September.

She applied before we started dating, thinking she would never get in, but a week ago she got a mail that they offered her a spot.
I congratulated her for this achievement because it is a good uni and good for her career, but it does ache my heart having to let her go.

I have already decided to go all in with her and make the most out of what little time we have left together.

My dilemma is what happens when she leaves:
1. we brake up
2. long distance

I don’t think long distance will work, but I’ve never tried it so what i do i know.
I just think it’s a recipe for disaster and will end up souring the memories we built.

I think breaking up after our holiday is the wisest thing to do?

Yes, brake up.

>>33325084 (OP)
Generally they don't work because they're more difficult than a normal relationship, but it's up to the two of you to decide if you can handle the distance AND commit to what it takes to make it work, or if you're even interested and invested enough to want to bother. It requires a lot of communication, accounting for timezone differences, regular visits, a hell of a lot of trust, and a high degree of intentionality behind it like making a timeline of your plans for the future i.e. she goes to school there for (x) years, you or her visits every (x) weeks, you call at (x) time every day, and you'll move back together to (x) place after graduation, that sort of thing. Things will also change, they would even if you were in proximity but even moreso apart, so you have to be prepared to accept that as well. Basically, if it sounds like it's a lot of strife and planning for a 6 month relationship, it probably is, and if you aren't both as steadfast and certain about committing to all of that and more in order to keep the bond, it won't work. You're definitely right about not souring the memories you've made, it could be better that you end a good thing rather than to force it to keep going until it becomes bad. It might also be that you're so compatible, your trust is so strong, and that circumstances allow for it, that you could endure it while still growing. I'd bet not, and like you already know it just doesn't work that way most of the time, but you'd know if that was what you have, and if so good for you. Sometimes we get the right thing at the wrong time, it sucks, but we can say it was nice while it lasted.

>>33325145
>Sometimes we get the right thing at the wrong time, it sucks, but we can say it was nice while it lasted.
That about sums it up.

We complement each other very well, but the timing is unlucky.
I haven’t asked her yet what she would want. Now is not the time to ask because she’s got exams. But it’s a conversation that needs to happen.
I’m just not sure about the timing for this conversation.
It pains me to say but I am about 99% sure breaking up is the correct thing to do.
But if she thinks different about this(if she wants to try LD), this difference between us might ruin the holiday. I think it’s more logical to have this conversation after the holiday. It’s a bit late because we will be back end of August and she starts uni in sept, but still.

>>33325330
Don't bring up anything until after the holiday.

Then you have to lay it out.

I do think you should let her go.

>>33325504
I think so too, thank you anon

>>33325084 (OP)
I've seen long distance work. It's not as much of a meme as everyone says, these days it's pretty legit since there are basically infinite ways to have fun and spend time together online. It all just depends on how okay you guys will be without the physical comfort.

>>33325084 (OP)
YEAH SOUNDS REAL WONDERFUL YOU FUCKING IDIOT LOL

>>33325145
This anon got it. Basically, a long distance relationship boils down to
>how will the distance end

If there isn’t a feasible plan or timeline, then it really isn’t worth it. It takes a sometimes superhuman amount of communication and trust, and incompatibilities or differences get magnified tenfold, like if one partner goes out a lot and the other doesn’t

>>33325504
This.
The long distance thing could work, but I would be so afraid of the physical distance and the long time of separation.
Regardless of what I would feel, the logical me would propose to break up.

>>33325084 (OP)
Enjoy your remaining time but let it go while on top.

OP, think very carefully before choosing either option.

You've only been together for the past half year, but when you say infatuated, how much do you mean?

Deep down you know whether she's the one, if you want to spend the rest of your life with her or not. Listen to your heart and you'll find the answer, this isn't really the sort of thing a stranger can decide for you.

Good luck

>>33325084 (OP)
Breaking up is the only option, long distance never works and if she's even half decent looking she will find someone local withing the first month of arriving there. It sucks but you need to think logically about this

>>33327312
> It all just depends on how okay you guys will be without the physical comfort

This is the main issue i am dreading with distance.
All the relationships I’ve been in I’ve noticed that i struggle not being able to show my love fully without being physical.
And I’m not talking about sex only, but kissing, cuddling comforting etc.
For some reason this “problem” i struggle with only grew larger when i compare it with my previous long term relationships, and i do not understand why.

>>33327451
> If there isn’t a feasible plan or timeline, then it really isn’t worth it
We are both busy but BCN is only a two hour flight so it is feasavle to make time for weekend trips etc. But i think these feel more like a bittersweet short solution since in the back of your head you know time is against you.
The total traject should last i suppose one year until she’s done. But who’s to say she won’t decide to stay there after she’s done, or go to a different city.
We haven’t talked about this, and it’s a good point to bring up when we do.

> It takes a sometimes superhuman amount of communication and trust, and incompatibilities or differences get magnified tenfold, like if one partner goes out a lot and the other doesn’t

That’s a good point, though i have not seen any signs not to trust her - it’s only been six months. I don’t think that’s long enough to blindly say i trust someone yet.

Going out i don’t think will be an issue. We both have busy schedules and see our friends a lot. I’ve never had an issue with her going out nor vice versa.
As for the incompatibilities being magnified, I’ve never thought of it that way. Makes sense and is a good angle i want to process further

I just got out of a long distance relationship. I also found an amazing person in Barcelona, after a few months talking she had to move back to Latin America. We still were together for 2 years and she visited it me when it was possible, but recently our relationship ended. I always knew that our relationship would end some day because we didn’t have concrete plan, I wanted her to move to Europe where I live. Things were going well until it didn’t, she blindsided be a few months ago saying she can’t leave her family and other standard things like I can’t give you want talk. Our relationship ended because we couldn’t close the distance. In your case is still very close and possible to maintain, in my case it was a 18 hour flight between us. Still depends how far both of you want to go and communicate with each other, I did the mistake of being afraid about bringing up hard subjects to discuss.

>>33328526
> when you say infatuated, how much do you mean?

An extreme amount. The most I’ve ever felt for anyone and that’s why i am so conflicted.
I cannot say if she is the one yet. I don’t know her long enough (and we’ve never had a fight or conflict yet so this is a side i don’t know of her). and of course she does have flaws, infatuated or not i can still be objective about that.
The main thing that pulls me to her is her attitude. Out of all the relationships I’ve had I’ve never met a girl so radiant with positivity and happiness it is honestly intoxicating.
Does she have all things in her life figured out? Absolutely not, nor do i. But she accepts this and always tries to keep going with a smile. In that sense i feel like I’m looking in a mirror with her approach to life, and that is probably the reason why i fell so hard for her.

> this isn't really the sort of thing a stranger can decide for you.
Absolutely right, but i can’t be the only one to have dealt with this situation. It is an important decision for me and I’m interested in the ways others have dealt with it. Reading through some of the replies have shown me angles that i haven’t even thought about yet and that’s exactly what i was looking for.
At the end of the day I’m trying to reflect on as many angles as possible to make the best decision


> Good luck
Appreciate it anon thank you

>>33328827
> if she's even half decent looking she will find someone local withing the first month of arriving there

Yes this is a genuine risk. I’ve lived in Barcelona for half a year and out of all places I’ve experienced so far it’s probably the most social and most active night life.
But Amsterdam (where were now) is not far behind.
So in a way rhis is a scenario is already applicable to where we live now. She’s good looking and gets approached/flirted with. But she’s always honest about telling me and defuses the situation. And this goes both ways also from my side to her.

It’s not been an issue because we still see each other often enough, at least once a week minimum. Id like it to be more, but it’s enough to maintain attraction for each other and stop thinking about others.
But i can 100% see this becoming an issue when distance comes into the equation

>>33330032
That’s rough. 2 years is still impressive, especially with a time difference.
Do you have regrets doing it? I don’t mean this disrespectfully, but have you ever had the dilemma of breaking up before longdistance started, and potentially finding someone new instead?
Hope you’re doing better anon

>>33329978
Basically, long distance relationships need to be quite serious from the very beginning, there’s no casual “let’s see how it goes.” Maybe for a few months is okay but then you need to buckle down. You’d have to know her future plans because if you’re committing to this, it needs to be for some objective. If you guys avoid this conversation then it’s because you both know it won’t last and don’t want to face it. But if you do have it, that’s a huge step towards it working.

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years. Friends 2 years, dated 6 months, long distance 2 years, then I moved to her country. We broke up a year later for unrelated reasons. I don’t regret it. It was tough but it was worth it when I moved there. I’m still here now and I’m happy she brought me here

>>33330194
I don’t regret it, I really loved this woman and I wanted it to work. So I never gave up on it even if I had doubts. She was the one that wanted to continue the relationship and I went along with it, asked her each time she visited. I didn’t have the dilemma when it started, it was a fling in the beginning so was not even thinking about the future, but as time went on I just wanted to close the distance. I didn’t want to find someone new, I wanted her. In my case I thought about breaking up due to a different reason and not because of distance, she was infertile and I want children some day, this was big concern for us. Last remaining months of our relationship I knew the end was coming, our communication was fading and I was at my limit.

I’m alright, sometimes I feel really shitty but I know it was for the best in the end. I’m happy for the memories and time we shared. Think the worst thing was to see that she moved on pretty quickly to a new relationship ( I suspect from seeing her social media) due to only liking romantic couples stuff after 3-4 months. There are other woman out there so no need to be sad forever.

In your case, I would say it’s possible to make it work, but only you know that. The distance is not that far and you need to discuss what the end game will be for you both. It will take a lot of trust and communication to make it work.
Good luck anon.

>>33330139
>It’s not been an issue because we still see each other often enough, at least once a week minimum. Id like it to be more, but it’s enough to maintain attraction for each other and stop thinking about others.
>But i can 100% see this becoming an issue when distance comes into the equation
You sound pretty measured and realistic about the situation. If you guys really want to, you can try to make it work, but as you've acknowledged, the odds would be stacked against you (though not technically impossible).