Turning 21 tomorrow. I feel so miserable and sick to my stomach. How do I deal with the fact my life has just been hellish up until now? How do I deal with the loneliness? How do I deal with the constant brutal fight to make something off my life?

I want to kill myself if this is what life is.

>>33325114 (OP)
now theres two ways you can deal with it, you can cry, or you can not cry. Instead of letting it out, try holding it in. Every time you have a feeling stick it into a little pit inside your stomach and never let it out.

>>33325114 (OP)
more details
male, female, are you ugly, are you fat, are you afraid of people, are you off the rails in terms of where your life should be

>>33325130
I have literally lost the ability to cry at this point already. At most I get a bit wet around the eyes but I’ve fully lost the ability to sob since I press it down every time I feel the urge. All I have now is the sinking feeling in my stomach.

>>33325134
Male
Im short which is my biggest physical insecurity
I am sociable but only so far as is socially expected off me (small friend group and small talk with colleagues) I am however deeply misanthropic, I feel sick being around people and deeply hold the belief people are terrible as a rule rather than a exception.

Main issues in my life is breaking my spine at 13 through a tumour in my spine and spending a year and a half of agonising pain in the hospital during those developmental years. Otherwise my father is an insane psychopath who sued me twice, beat my mother and sends me hate mail every two or so years. My traumatised single mother, anti social aunt and senile grandmother is the only family I have.

I grew up in a filthy room hearing my mother screaming in anger and panic all throughout my early life and being dragged in and out of courtrooms. I spend my childhood being bullied and ostracised.

I now work 12 hour shifts and study on my breaks trying to make something of this terrible life I’ve been handed.

That’s all the context I can think of

>>33325136
thats natural, the body doesn't want to swallow its emotions, but now you go ahead and put that pain inside your stomach too

>>33325171
Lack of a male role model, but your workload also makes it so you're not likely to correct this with friends anytime soon. Is it the kind of work where there's a potential to be friendly with coworkers or something? You don't need girls, you need socially successful men your age in your life who will ease you into people. At 21 you're still really young, the gulf between you and your peers might seem enormous to you and embarrassing but in 10 years you will laugh about all this shit.

>>33325200
Nope it’s pretty lonesome and shit work. It’s security guard patrol, mostly locking and checking doors all day. I am trying to work my way into a university by doing well on the national aptitude tests in my country that are taking place in autumn.