Basically I am an adult woman female permanently nihilistic and anhedonic and the only things in life that drive me,make me feel anything and I find meaning are things that are agents of pain and chaos specifically either cutting myself, drinking, having a boyfriend (only had one for short fml) since let me honest dating men even if the guy is "nice" it can still be hurtful, listening to sad music, I am sure I can think of more.

I realise that all those things have in common that theey both give you some type of joy but also hurt you at the same time, but I don't see value in things that are just positive without toxicity attached they just feel fake,shallow and hallow to me . Kinda sucks that we are stuck in this disgusting existence, our nature stops us from killing ourselves, so the only way we can enjoy it has to be through criticism/response acts of it. Therefore even in joy the totality of the Deppressing word lingers

>>33325519 (OP)
bpd?

>>33325519 (OP)
It’s called having borderline personality disorder or whatever psych buzzword is in fashion to describe someone who normalised being an asshole/cunt. That’s exactly what is happening to you by the way. Humans are not special. Neither me or you. In fact we are very simple creatures of habit. We love habits and we love familiarity. We love it more than sex, more than pain, more than happiness, more than love itself. Or hate.

You look up in the sky, you see it is a sky. Your mind loves it. You dont feel anything of it, it isnt special, its the sky. But deep down beyond your cognitive thinking, your mind loves it. It loves things that are normal and familiar and always ‘reality’.

It loves this process so much in fact, it will gladly practice abuse or receive abuse. If it was familiar. It can love war, famine, bloodshed. If it was familiar. Then this hunger for familiarity devours itself, the mind fights itself until you eventually collapse. Suicide or drug use or chasing the devil.

You grew up/are from pain and suffering. You got that instilled into you. It became familiar to you. And now you can’t function without it. You are a slave to yourself. You’re of the underworld, OP.

Question is: Can you break the cycle?

>>33325560
>>33325535
I don't have bpd and it is kinda sexist that you'd say that.

Well what else would I put meaning to, what do you

>>33325586
Sexist my ass. BPD affects as many men as it does females. Doesnt matter though.

>What else would I put meaning to, what do you
Suffering. Make your suffering mean something, and you will live happily.

>>33325617
You are just being a cunt /bad fait now

It's called being an aware human. Nihilism is the way of the world we find our selves in now and there is no denying its place. Feelings and moods are the only semi-meaningful things in our life. You are experiencing what being a human is and these things allow you to live in an artful manner

>>33325851
I know but everyone on this thread says I /we am in the wrong

>>33325519 (OP)
>an adult woman
it's called that

>>33326112
Yes, those types of people are retarded. Don't worry about disillusioned niggas and their view of you

being a neurotic fuckhead

>>33326420
Ok then seems I assume you also believe this like you mentioned, how do you find a partner like this? Most people are too npc or sociopathic to even feel

>>33325519 (OP)
>sad music
you can't just say this and not drop recs

>>33326878
What is your preferred genres in general. I have alot of genres in my playlist but I want to check if you are a fellow mu anon

>>33326824
I don't know, and I wish I experienced that to tell you. It's hard and lonely for sure, and a lot of times you will be made to feel crazy for your experience. I think that any worthwhile partner will understand regardless

>>33326933
that cesspool got me into Trout Mask Replica at a time where the weirdest thing I listened to were the Beatles lmao of course I am

>>33325519 (OP)
is it really pain and chaos you value or just emotions you relate to deeply? because rn you are alone and hurting, and those fuckers are close rn, but I doubt they are your whole being. more situational

attention seeking, probably yearning to be spoiled or be with people for a rush rather than intellectual thought

Idk

>>33328761
Yeah you do

>>33325519 (OP)
You sound like a textbook BPD case. I guess that is why it makes sense you got so offended the other anon suggested it. The only way to fix your life is to get some cats and stay away from other people not to ruin their life.

>>33325586
>>33325780
Typical BPD responses kek

>>33326941
Thank you and you are right, so you never had a relationship?
>>33326987
I get I mean I don't want to dox my main favs but you might like

https://ww.youtube.com/watch?v=B-MPk2H0w6w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkC_NSR7H9U
Might think of more
>>33327003
Well idk do you think if life changed I would feel better I meam ultimatly yeah I am lonely but I am atleast not starving
>>33330463
>>33330474
sexist

>>33332107
>sexist
How is that sexist? BPD isn't exclusive to women, dumbass.

>>33332107
I've been in a few relationships. Three short term, 6 months below, and a long term one that was 5 years. I recently just got out of a 2 month relationship. I don't know how one is able to find a good relationship though, is what I'm saying. It's just kinda luck, I guess. Being in a relationship hurts a lot and being out of one hurts even more. There's no point in trying to have a connection with somebody

>>33332107
holy fuck I wish I was kidding but I was listening to No You literally 5 minutes ago. WTF are the odds of this

I swear today has just been one big simulation because this is like the third time today that some coincidence like this happens and I'm freaking out.

>>33332132
Well it seems it is more directed towards women as an insult, can you explain to me why you think I have it. Personally I don't think I do since I never been aggressive towards others
>>33332169
I understand what you are saying but do you mean you didn't have it in any?
>>33332256
I mean do you usually listen to post hardcore

>>33332277
BPD isn't some mystical interesting thing, its just another personality disorder like all the others. Its defined rather plainly in the DSM. You're being aggressive in your responses btw so that invalidates your claim. You honestly do sound BPD sis, I'm sorry to say it. It has a ton of stigma attatched to it and people use it as an insult but the behaviors you described in your OP do not sound normal or healthy and you need to get help for that shit before you continue causing drama in innocent people's lives just to feel alive or validated.

>>33332277
I wouldn't say I had it in any since they all ended

>>33332297
borderline doesn't exist and is a way of making more money off behavioral therapy, which misses the whole point of being human.

It also takes multiple years of therapy to fulfill a dsm5 diagnosis of BPD. An Anon claiming someone has BPD has no value in their words. Stop listening to these weirdos

You are rapidly anti socialized. You didn’t have good, healthy social outlets.

>>33332277
I listen to every single genre under the sun but literally only got into The Pine like a week ago off a random youtube recommendation. Today was the first time I felt compelled to revisit them since that day. It's freaky as fuck honestly lol.

Also listen to no has never had 3 letters

>>33332297
I don't caus drama on other people and me being agro on 4chan doesn't mean anything so I still don't see your argument
>>33332298
Did you ever feel you did?I mean why date if you didn't think you did
>>33332320
Yeah I know, especially since I know myself and I know that other than being Deppressed and tistic I don't really do anything else that would be considered "abnormal"
>>33332328
How would life feel if I did

>>33325519 (OP)
>look at me, I'm so special, please tell me what's special about me
>>33325586
>fuck you I'm special I don't have ___ condition that explains all of my yapping perfectly. eat some of my BPD defence mechanism where I brand you as something horrible so I can continue avoiding the uncomfortable reality.
Pathetic attitude.

Histrionic personality disorder

>>33332444
Idk if I ever did aside from my 5 year relationship. I want to keep dating because I value being close to another person

>>33332444
Ya fuckin have something. A bad attitude for certain, alcoholism and impulsivity at the least, either bipolar or BPD are on the table depending on how consistent and inescapable these things are for you. Being agro on 4chan counts, we are real people believe it or not.

>>33332519
Now you just saying stuff

>>33335045
Yeah

>>33337248
No