>already want to marry my gf
>I’m 9 years older than her (32 to 23)
>been dating 1 year

Is it a bad idea? When I was 23 I was fucking retarded, but she is much more mature than I was at that age. I still can’t shake the feeling I’m a groomer, and that I can’t possibly be the person she wants (on account of how much people change in their 20s)

>>33333911 (OP)
It's not natural but there is nothing wrong with it, pushing for marriage is very cute and should be done before intercourse as always.
The only ones who will call you out here are sad femcels becuase they're unmarried at 25

>>33333911 (OP)
As long as you both go into it understanding that you need to treat this like a long-term commitment that you have to re-do all the time, it may not be a good idea, but I would tell that to anyone getting married. You must maintain your relationship and set ground rules if you want it to work, and you have to both work hard. If she's not looking to do that, then don't marry her, but if you're ready and she's ready, then you can proceed. Only you can be a judge of that, but don't let your love for her blind you.

>>33333911 (OP)
You're not a groomer, but it's a bad idea

>>33334289
Why?

>>33333911 (OP)
Completely good. Totally natural and beautiful. Marry and have lots of babies. Good for you anon! Don't let clown world cockblock you. Come up with a basic script to silence the haters then kill that fear and programming ASAP

>>33333911 (OP)
Half your age + 7 rule, seems fine. Every marriage is a risk. What changes is that you go from college into work around 25. But it's not like she's 18 and never ever lived her life.

>>33333911 (OP)
various studies have shown that the time you date before marriage has little to no impact on the lasting success of a marriage. basically if you're both the type of people who understand how to make a marriage work, it will, and if not, it won't.

>>33333923
>I don't want him at all and that's why I care deeply about who he's actually dating and hate him for not picking me instead

>>33333923
>It's not natural
every successful marriage in my entire family has at least a 10 year age gap. it seems to be the ideal because it's generally when a man is established enough to provide, and a woman is still young and healthy and fertile. it "just works" and people who shit on it are almost all older women who's prime is 10 years behind them and are coping poorly with the fact that they completely wasted their youth and have little to no dating market value left, let alone marriage value.

>>33334768
>Half your age + 7 rule
completely arbitrary (I've seen a dozen slightly different permutations of this "rule", invented by women and has zero bearing on actual attraction or potential for relationship success.

>>33333911 (OP)
Just do it.

>>33334863
>zero bearing on actual attraction or potential for relationship success.
so what? that's not the point of this rule

>>33333911 (OP)
>I still can’t shake the feeling I’m a groomer
How long have you known her? You're only a groomer if you've known her since she was underage. But if you met when she was 22 or whatever, you're both consenting adults that pay taxes. Who cares?

>>33334884
If the "point" of a relationship rule isn't to facilitate attraction and relationship success, then it has no point and should be ignored.

>>33334922
>should be ignored.
>doesn't ignore it

>>33334990
I'm not following the rule, thus I am ignoring it as a rule. That doesn't preclude me speaking of how retarded the rule is and that everyone else should also ignore it. Not that anyone actually follows it in the first place; nobody with more than two brain cells goes around asking for the age of someone they genuinely hit it off with then turns them down based on it because "oops you're half my age plus 8 instead of a third of my age plus 15 sorry can't do it"

>>33333911 (OP)
Anon. You WILL eat cardboard.

>>33333911 (OP)
I wouldn't worry about being a groomer. 23 is when the age gap stops mastering a whole lot.

Id be more concerned about a 23 year old suddenly feeling like she "missed out" and is "settling" and going on a whore spree. They do it.

Give it two more years man. Just be sure this is what she wants and she knows its what she wants. A lot of Women have an early life crisis.

>>33333911 (OP)
9 years old is a big age difference. You are weird.

>>33333911 (OP)
When you were 23 she was 14. Think about this.

>>33334884
Its an arbitrary rule someone said some time in a bar or something and it rings well and kinda makes sense so it spread.
It is in no way dictatorial of how anything will play out.
Like a 30 year old dating a 22 year old is "half your age + 7" and yet theres a world of difference in life experience maturity and status there. A lot of 30 year Olds are usually thinking a lot more about the future, and a lot of 22 year Olds are still trying to figure out who they are. Not incredible relationship chemistry there.
And yet sometimes it works, but more often it doesnt.

>>33335080
>mastering

>>33335101
OP feels like a groomer. According to the rule he isn't, and that's the only reason why the rule matters in that situation.

>>33333911 (OP)
Most relationships naturally fall within in a 10 year window. Quit being a pussy. You think a damaged goods 32 year old who "has it all figured out" is going to be a better wife?

>>33335110
>mattering
Guy. Its a typo. Probably autocorrect by the look of it.

>>33335128
If you mean hes using it as an excuse, yeah I agree.
The maturity gap between a 30 and 23 year old is massive. A lot bigger than a 32 and 25 year old even. Those 20-24 years are very formative and chaotic. Theyre still children.

>>33335174
>The maturity gap between a 30 and 23 year old is massive
Not really, no. On an individual level any given person doesn't "mature" much past their teens unless they experience trauma; not necessarily bad trauma, but just jarring, life changing events, the birth of a child for example. chronological brain development has far less to do with "maturity" than people try to give it credit for.

your sperm is washed the fuck up

a 20-23 year old egg deserves a 20-23 sperm donor

>>33334844
Youre wrong and if she says she doesn't want you - its because her feelings are probably very hurt at how things ended and she is sad. Unless you did something utterly unspeakable and shes not able to look past that or help you overcome your issues.
If she was willing to help you understand, cope and heal your issues before she said that, she would probably still want you.

>>33335206
>people dont mature much past their teens
Youre like 20 aren't you.
Lets talk again when you're 35 and even then thinking of yourself 5 years earlier as young and stupid.

>>33335328
Seriously. I'm 28 and a completely different person than I was two years ago.

>>33335328
I'm nearly 40, sport. I stopped "maturing" when my life settled down and became routine, and that was a very long time ago.
>>33335389
>I'm 28 and a completely different person than I was two years ago.
Because you went through significant life changes and stresses that forced you to adapt to them, not because your brain magically grew "more mature" over time. Age and emotional maturity are only tangentially related concepts, in the sense that with increasing age traditionally comes more of these life changing experiences; people don't "mature" on their own in safe, sheltered, unchanging environments.

>>33335252
what in the FUCK are you flapping about.

>>33333911 (OP)
Dump her for someone younger

>>33335099
At some point the age gap will be less glaring, like maybe 41 to 50. Before this my biggest age difference had been 3 years (26 to 23)

9 years isn't huge but you've only known her for one year. Give it another year before you marry

Why don't you ask her what she wants instead of asking for advice on 4chan?
I fell in love with a girl 9 years younger. I honestly couldn't keep up with her, we were at different stages at life.
The age gap can work but you both have to be on the same maturity wavelength.

>>33335099
When you were born, you were inside your mom's pussy. Think about this.

>>33336419
Worst advice. Now is the perfect time.

>>33336642
This is how being born works retard

>>33336439
What do you mean that you couldn’t keep up with her?