I'm ruining my life. I understand why I'm doing it. I know when I'm doing. I know what I'm supposed to change but I can't because I'm afraid that if I try my best I'll fail and there won't be anything left and it'll be over. I would be a failure. Now I can at least fever dream that I'd be able to accomplish those things "if" I tried.

It's so fucking hard to live without anyone to support you in life. I don't know how to change. Guys I need your help. I am trying to be better for the last few months and I have thought myself a few good habits and got rid off a few bad ones but this... I don't know how to start.

>>33334588 (OP)
Start by understanding the difference between a risk and a certainty. If you try, your life *may* be a failure; if you do not try, your life is *guaranteed* to be a failure. In the first scenario, failure is a risk; in the second it is a certainty.

Doing nothing can be a good choice, if you have something to lose by acting; but you have nothing. You will be a complete, total, utter failure if you do something; and that is guaranteed. And if you try you cannot possibly be any more of a failure than you already are.

>>33335395
Even though I understand everything surrounding that I can't FEEL it. I don't have fear driving me and no motivation for a better life too. I envy people who want to work for money and better social standing etc. I just do it to kill time and I want to become really good at something. That doesn't seem to be enough though t bbecause that involves more effort than just doing stuff for the sake of doing it. It has to have a purpose and I can't find it... anywhere. Even just the need to earn that money would be enough but I'm really not a materialistic person. When I don't have money I just buy less stuff, don't go to events. damn... just wasting opportunities.

I was taking a depressive night walk few months back I've seen a guy in dirty although didn't seem homeless maybe a construction worker and I thought "Could that be me in 20 years". That person was polar opposite of me but at the same time construction workers don't go for night walks so I felt the fear for the first time. I don't want to be a dick now but such a fate would be worse than that in my eyes.After so much pain I would fade, no catharsis at the end of the tunnel.

So back then I had that "call to action" till I had to actually do something. Of course I'm not looking for that but actually how do I remove this need for an emotion and do things. Because I always fall back into the the mindset that things are not so bad. "I just won't buy fancy stuff" "I don't need need a girl I have porn" "I don't need to study I'm smart enough to pass" I'm disgusted in myself.

The thing is I can push through sometimes but sooner or later I relapse like a heroin addict.