>Grew up with a narcissistic mother who had a shit childhood and a mostly absent father
>all my life told me I'm shit for brains - grew up believing it
>told me it was to "motivate me"
>she basically let her anger out on me all her life making me believe I'm shit for brains and unable to be anyone
>live with a bad gut feeling through my first 17 years
>teachers have noticed my skills and signed me up for competitions etc. grew my confidence thanks to them and made me believe I am not what my mom wanted me to believe
>be 20 now, soon going to uni
>verbal confrontation with mom, told her same thing
>"sorry" for all the 20 years of me believing I'm shit for brains and if it weren't for other people I would not have grown up believing I'm anything but an idiot
>tell her I don't want her apology, that I don't love her etc.
>shuts her off
>her attempts at making me feel at guilt don't work, I grew out of being manipulated by her
>leaves screaming and saying that I have it too good
>she also made me believe as a kid that I have no real problems and feelings whatsoever

Feels good to give her a reality check even if she doesn't learn anything from it. I was heavily against hating on my parents and instead that I should forgive them but she doesn't deserve it at all. Instead of making something better for her only kid she preferred to let her anger out and ruin me too. What are your experiences with narcissistic parent(s) ?

>>33334688 (OP)
This is the asking advice and receiving board, not the mommy issues board. Seems like you are really a bit "shit for brains"

>>33334703
nice bot thanks for bump

>>33334706
I just noticed your skills, you should be a professional debater

>>33334713
Can't say the same about you. Must be grim refreshing the page to write on whatever new thread pops up just to say "not interested".
Made my day that a pitiful loser such as yourself exists.

>>33334688 (OP)
I had almost the exact same thing growing up and am now a doctor. Crazy to think how close I was to leaving school at 16 and getting some shitty min wage job and I often wonder if I'd have ever realised I was academically talented if I did this.

I don't see her at all anymore and looking back it was definitely for the best. Obviously I cannot comment with certainty but it will become clearer with age what the reality is if you are only 20. When I did a paediatric placement I never wanted to see my mum again and now I'm fairly sure she just never wanted me to be independent or functional so I'd always have to rely on her.

I am sorry you went through this.

>>33334720
>say "not interested"
>it's not said
Oh, you really bad at this. How do you know you didn't took over some of your mom's mental issues?

>>33334731
I am so happy for you anon that you realized you don't need to be reliant on her and that you have potential, we both know how shitty it is to go through such experiences. Did you cut off all contact? Not even Christmas or anything?

>>33334740
You can keep entertaining me it's hilarious

>>33334742
Absolutely no contact now and since that placement there will never be a second chance, I haven't been to a Christmas with her since age 19 but there was very limited contact before this.

In my case it's not like she fucked up a few times, had a really fucked up childhood, issues understanding morality or whatever where it would be more sympathetic, she knew the difference between right and wrong yet chose to be awful for years because it made her feel good/powerful.

I see my dad maybe once a year, he was bad as well and left when I was very young but clearly regrets it and is just a bit clueless.

I also resent a lot of my extended family for being aware of the situation and not doing anything and then lying about how it was normal for years afterwards presumably because they feel guilty about not doing anything. Worst period was at about age 13 when I carried a knife in the home for self defence, it took me until age 25 to realise that was abnormal behaviour.

Anyway people won't have much sympathy but it sucks and I understand what you have been through. For me cutting contact was definitely the right thing and I am a completely different person now. Reasonably happy, friends, sex life, hobbies, successful and also just much better than her in terms of being a good person. You will probably realise with age the reality of it but I am happy it sounds like you're getting out and 20 is so young you have so much potential just keep going and don't listen to anyone who tries to bring you down.

>>33334688 (OP)
I'll never understand it. I going through borderline torture so i can give my children a great life. Even if i dont make it, im not going to bring them into this world unless i have a good foundation for them, so they're staying in my nuts for now. I want and pray my children end up better than me. I want them spoiled rotten. I want them to never expierence what i had to do to give them a great life.

>>33334688 (OP)
The trauma of growing up with a shit mom gives you superpowers if you can grow through it. The depth of trauma makes it that much harder for anyone else to ever manipulate you again. You understand from a formative age how shit women can be and not to listen to them. It teaches how to manage relationship boundaries and expectations for people to treat you with respect. It shows you the value of being kind, supportive and affectionate to your loved ones.

>>33334688 (OP)
What I like about my N mom is I'm going to feel so happy and relieved when she dies. Other people have to feel sad and traumatized when their mom dies. Meanwhile I have something to look forward to.
But it still irritates me how people always discuss abusive moms: They always make it someone else's fault, or "she was just trying her best." Muh' sexism, if they are nonwhite muh' systematic racism. Yeah, no, abusive moms literally hate their kids and get off on making them suffer. Maybe not every last one of them, but they do. They literally go out of their way to make their kids suffer for no reason, in ways that even harm themselves, and avoid doing/saying kind things for their kids. Abusive parents literally want to punish their kids for the "crime" of being born. Maybe they do that because they our out of their minds, but it is still what they are intentionally doing.
But anyway, no, there's no way they can learn. Most people just make their mental health worse because they spend their whole life trying to get along with sadistic demons, and think something is wrong with them because the sadistic demons won't act like humans for them. All boomers collectively will do to make the world a better place is DIE, and leave memories of how NOT to treat people and be a parent.

>>33334774
Those are very meaningful words thank you man. It really inspires me to be like you.
Whatever has ever happened to me I see it as a optimistic thing, even if it used to be shitty. I have learned so much through those experiences and know what to always look out for to not do the same mistakes as others have done, you're very right about mom's being awful in order to feel powerful, that's the wrong kind of feeling and you don't ever want that. Once again thank you, I wish you all the best.

>>33334992
My mother has often brought up how she "had to carry me" when she was pregnant implying that it was my choice and she didn't feel like fucking with my dad. Also regarding how they make it someone else's fault, I was too forgetful and forgiving but at some point I have realized that she was doing everything while being fully conscious, I have no idea why I made this image in my head believing that it was her subconsciousness doing it or whatever, it really was not, it was all her always.
And yes of course, they blame everyone but themselves, that is why they cannot learn and improve. Stuck in an endless loop bringing everyone down with them expecting salvation that never comes.

>my parents always tried giving me motiivation and kindness and encouragement
>STILL failed elementary school, never had a job and cant do math
Darn. You're doing better then me, OP, despite your inital setbacks

>>33335787
Thankyou

That is probably the best way to look at things. I think a lot of what causes people to do this is refusal to ever accept they make mistakes and just not giving a fuck about other people at all. They might fake it for social clout or similar but there's no real meaning. Yeh really don't get this but actually quite common in normieville and not just with really shitty parents lots of them like to power trip for no understandable reason.

Same to you

>>33335810
Mine did similar but it was making you feel guilty for her doing all the basic stuff which is just expected like making dinner or buying food while she was on £3k a month (well over average salary in UK) sitting at home all day on welfare and benefits which she kept to herself so I was underweight and everyone commented on the house being cold or clothes old/da,aged.

>>33334688 (OP)
Good for you OP. It's hard to turn away your own mum but if she's a narcist there's no winning. Best thing to do is keep her on a short leesh and only be around her in social setting's where she can't manipulate you.

>>33334688 (OP)
My father calls me a stupid bastard all the time but I just got used to it, it's how I grew up. I know that he's just autistic or something and can't communicate properly and expects me to read his mind
Anyways, be nice to your mum. You only get one in this life. She's not perfect, but she is only human, like everyone else. Your mother loves you despite her mental illnesses. Acknowledge her mental illnesses, accept them, and tell her you love her. Remember all the good she's done for you, all the time and effort she put into you, don't just dwell on the bad. Gen-xer's were mindfucked, it's not their fault. It's a shame the trauma got passed down, but you broke the cycle. Forgive your mother

>>33334688 (OP)
>>33337926
Also, a final point that I want you to think about
You're an adult now. She doesn't have to dictate to you anymore, you can do what you want. You are aware of what is wrong with your mother, you just have to know how to deal with her. You don't have to cut her out of your life completely. It goes with anyone in life, you eventually know their flaws, how far you can trust them and how to deal with them. I know you feel hurt and betrayed and angry right now but don't cut your mother out of your life because she's just another fool on this Earth struggling and suffering and trying their best. People make mistakes. When you get over your hurt, contact your mum

>>33334936
Or it permanently stunts you, keeps you locked into a child like permanent fear of the world regardless of how old you get, gives you trust issues and makes you a PATHETIC FUCKING PUSSY

>>33337958
>forgive the person that tortured you
Fuck you

>>33337996
Forgive the person that raised you from a baby to man-baby. Yes

>>33334936
>it that much harder for anyone else to ever manipulate you again.
Or it makes you tolerate abusive behavior from others, because that's what you're used to and don't realize how abnormal it is.

>>33337926
Extremely bad advice

>>33334688 (OP)
https://www.youtube.com/@SocietalNarcissism

>>33334688 (OP)
the truly tragic irony of this post is that ultimately you fell into her own fucked up pattern of not only taking your upset out on her, but really purposefully trying to emotionally hurt her.

the transformation is complete. a whole childhood of passing on her problems to you has now reached its apex, where now you got to fully flip the situation around and give her a taste of her own medicine. now YOU get to be the malicious one, and there's fuck all for her to do about it.

does it feel good?

>>33334688 (OP)
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/