I’m here because I’m genuinely not sure what to do anymore. I’m untreated and over the last two years I’ve felt my symptoms get worse and worse. I’ve been hurting myself since I was 14 and I’m 19 now. Does it get better? Does medication actually make it better and control the mood swings? I’m feeling so hopeless. I get so much hope whenever I’m manic that gets stomped out whenever the depression comes back around, then when I feel normal-ish all I can think about is “maybe I should kill myself because I know I’m doomed to those extremes forever”

I make myself sick. I feel like an utter failure of a human being and a massive disappointment to my parents and my partner. They deserve someone who can function and can go on normally and be a real person. If I can’t be a real person I don’t think I deserve to be alive. What do I do? Where do I even go from here?

Here is what I did as a guy:
In the short term, you should make use of the high and low ends. Manic swings are good for strenght exercise and learning, the lows are good for meditating and streching exercises.

In the long term, trough meditation, you should expand the range of emotions you are comfortable with.

This will make you somewhat numb to your emotions, but in exchange you will be comfortable, even if it is someone else's emotion, you have to deal with. Meaning you can afford to be way more empathetic, without your emotions getting the better of you.

>>33335441 (OP)
Ohh and one more thing, a rule of fist of mine: if and when your emotions are independent from your outside experience, then just don't hold any weight to it.

Except gut feelings. Always listen to those.

>>33335441 (OP)
>38fag

1. Youre 19. Youre young. Tonnes of time and maturity and learning to control feelings ahead. We aren't static. Ive known a lot of people and self awareness is the most common denominator for the best people. And you seem self aware. You'll likely be fine on this fact alone. I knew someone with BPD who was passable as a person by 40 because she had learned enough coping skills and behavioural work around.
I also had an ex with bipolar with zero self awareness. Worse human I've ever met. Don't be that.

2.
>unmedicated
For the love of God do whatever you can to address this. There are some disorders where its just better to be medicated. Do it.

>tldr
To answer your question in short. Yes. Ive seen lots of people get better with a lot of things. Time, maturity, self awareness and effort are the ingredients. It wont be overnight. Youre on the right track.

>>33336213
>emotions independent from your experience.
Different fag
Just gotta point out, this is called cognitive dissonance. It is a completely universal common human experience. I know it can be more difficult for bipolar disorder, but I also find its easier to accept and manage things if you dont think its some monstrous unique trait only you experience. Its a normal human thing. Just turned up high for bipolar folk Im sure.

You should kill yourself. Bipolar things are not people, they are objects. You don’t deserve to be lobotomized, you can’t be helped and you are a DRAIN on those around you. Blow your head off you nigger bitch cunt

>>33335441 (OP)
Only decide to not take medication after you’ve adequately tried a decent number of them. Don’t give up because if you can’t do one class IE neuroleptics there’ll be a way different class— mood stabilizers waiting for you. Also many help you sleep which is so effing convenient. If in 5 years you see that meds aren’t working you can even try TMS. There’s no reason to give up. Most informed people don’t.