It's been a few months since I have graduated high school in a southern european country. I spent last week by the sea in a friend's house along with three of my peers. We were five in total and vacationed there for four days.

Before arriving there I felt that even though I was a little awkward and reserved I had the capacity of being a pleasant and sociable person. However, after having my social skills tested thorougly over several days I struggled quite a lot to perform consistently. There were times where I stared into a person's eyes for too long and weirded that person out. I even got called out for it, which really hurt since it forced me to always look at the ground when I was around others. I was also silently excluded from a lot of conversations simply by having nothing of value to add or by being too tense to spontaneously come up with something funny,

Right now it seems that my friends have lost a lot of the respect they had for me. To be precise I feel like I have become something of a laughing stock for being clumsy, unathletic and lame. By the second day one of my friends constatly caressed and pinched my nipples in a very homosexual way, even though he is clearly straight. We would watch tiktoks together in bed topless and he also wrestled me a few times (I lost and he made fun of me). I also got pinned down and tickled by him and another friend and they constantly teased me. I kind of liked the attention and I hate myself for it. I had suspicions that I was gay for a long time but now it seems certain and I despise it. They also mockingly called me jewish because I have a bent nose and I look like Mark Zuckerberk a little. I realise hwo funny that sounds but for some reason I took these things too seriously and I feel like I wanna kms now. I am mostly afraid of losing my only friends and them thinking I am faggot.

>>33339024 (OP)
just be gay

>>33339114
But I dont wanna be gay. I just wanna be a normal guy and be respected and appreciated by my friends. I want these degenerate fantasies to disappear

>>33339024 (OP)
That's autism anon I'm sorry it's over

>>33339246
Truly over? Can't I overcome it somehow? Will I always be the way I am? It's depressing to think about. I have been thinking about the dreams I had as a child about my teenage years. I imagined I would be going to parties and having girlfriends like it happens in the movies. To be honest they were disappointing. I cry thinking about facing young me and having to explain to him why I have become a fucking loser. I wanna fucking end it

>>33339270
I can only speak from my experience but being in my late 20s I still feel as retarded as when I initially hit puberty if not worse
You're still very young though and it's too early to give up, your brain can still adapt
I recommend you put youself in as many uncomfortable situations as possible and try to learn
Maybe if I did that too I wouldn't be in the position I am in right now, but over the years I just passively isolated myself from everyone because I couln't relate them

>>33339309
That was kind of my plan with this vacation, since I was always very sheltered, but I failed miserably. I left kind of excited and now I have lost all hope. I don't wanna make you feel lonely and sad since you are obviously trying to help me but i am terrified of being in the same situation you currently are. I have a lot of time and opportunities but I know I won't make good use of them because I am a fucking coward who is too afraid and lazy to change. When thinking about my future university life, I imagine my mother calling me every day desperately asking me if I have made any friends yet and being heartbroken when I tell her the truth. That poor woman doesn't see anything wrong with me. I will probably pretend I have a social life to make her happy.

>>33339385
You should be honest about your struggles when talking to family members desu
They can certainly help you better than strangers on the internet
Also consider getting therapy/meds despite all the fearmongering here if you feel like you're getting nowhere
I still couldn't force myself to do this one too although it may help

Anon i'm sorry to say the only way to "overcome" this is to create a persona that is ever so slightly adjacent to your personality (i'm not telling you to act/be a different person). And kind of "evolve" this persona of yours in social settings, basically frauding when you're socializing. If you feel bad about doing this, remember 99% of humans already do this in some way.
[spoiler]idk about the gay thing maybe ur a fag but itsok[/spoiler]

>>33339490
You are really kind and most importantly you are right. I haven't mentioned that both of my parents are psychiatrists, which I guess makes my situation ironic. Psychiatrists usually don't accept friends or relatives as patients but I am sure they can find the right doctor for me. They are very pro-drugs though, which is concerning because I dont wanna mess with my brain chemistry and my hormones. I will probably try a psychologist first if I manage to find one compatible with me. Psychoanalysis seems like the most promising option in the future even though I don't have the funds right now and I am scared of the commitment. Thank you for your advice. You are a far better talker than a lot of non autistic people I know. I hope we will be able to connect with others in the future.

>>33339551
Should I make a spreadsheet with my likes and dislikes, hobbies and convo topics like I am creating a fictional character? To be honest it sounds very appealing. Still am I not gonna depress myself doing that? Is it one or the other? I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too

>>33339024 (OP)
OK playful teasing until
>I look like Mark Zuckerberk
Oh now thats hurtful. Thats like telling a chick she looks like 2025 Kathy Griffin.
Hit the gym OP. The exercise might help with that weird anxiety thing too. Might, might not.

>>33340196
They were comparing me to Zuckerberg after he changed his image, not the reptilian version. It still felt bad though. Hitting the gym might be the best option since I will have a lot of free time for the next 4 months.

Well a couple of days passed and I hanged out with them again. I think things are not as bad as I thought they were.

That said, the guy who was constantly teasing me decided to stay at a friend's house for a couple more days and he did a lot more gay shit to me. He tickled and smelled my feet while joking about having a foot fetish. He also put his feet on my stomach and rubbed them there like he was gonna give me a footjob. Then, he started ticlking me with his feet and when I flinched and tried to move away I got trapped between some furniture and he stuck his foot up my ass in fornt of everyone. He kept it there for a good 10 seconds while I shouted at him. Very humiliating experience. After that he wrestled me and got on top of me for a moment. He also sat next to me on the couch with his legs by my sides and asked me to smell his asshole.

However the weirdest think I noticed was when we were looking at ig models and he got horny. He told me that he was very aroused and he stopped touching me for like 20 minutes. I got the impression that teasing me was exciting for him so he didn't want to continue when he got too turned on. At some point we were watching some gay reel and he mentioned that watching stuff like that was the reason that he was kind of a faggot jokingly.

I know that this is not the original thread subject but I need some help with this situation. I do know that this reads like a gay erotica story but it's real and I don't know how to deal with it.

>>33339385
>That was kind of my plan with this vacation, since I was always very sheltered, but I failed miserably.
To be fair, those shirtless in bed wrestling friends you have there: did they score any chicks during that vacation? Or did they just prefer the company of...each other? Maybe it is those guys who really are the fags and they just thought you were one of them? Maybe you should find a friendgroup that goes out more and looks for girls, if you want that normal guy experience you dreamt about.

>>33339024 (OP)
You are homosexual and autistic. Accept your fate.

>>33344759
I wanna be normal and marry a woman like everyone else. I want to understand other people and not feel left out. I still have basic communication and socialization needs. I am not some retard who can't function in everyday life. I am afraid of being isolated and ignored by everyone around me. As for the homosexual part, I am not sure. I have been attracted to women in the past. Maybe it's porn addiction combined with low self esteem and insecurity. I didn't use to have degenerate fantasies, though I was always submissive. Anyway, my reputation is probably ruined. If I don't make it in uni I am offing myself. I am done with this stupid life. I am a piece of shit coward and everyone can see it now. I get very spiteful and resentful and I hate that I am sensitive. Just fuck everything. Would you accept my fate?

>>33339024 (OP)
Are you from Italy? Friendly homoeroticism is absolutely standard here. Nipple pinching, humping, ass grabbing, it's the basics. We need to be faggy with friends to balance out all the pussy we get. Jokes aside, they did those things to you specifically to get you to open up and get more personal but you are too autistic and now you're out there thinking you're gay and shit.

>>33345735
He's greek and greeks have been faggots for millennia this is nothing new

>>33339024 (OP)

Start drinking alcohol, it will loosen your inhibitions . Your autism makes you overthink shit so you come off as socially awkward, your brain is essentially overclocked and you have to dumb yourself down a bit to relate with normies.


t. autist who's cracked the code in making friends with normies.

>>33345786
You guessed right.

>>33345735
It's possible but I feel it's like an inside joke at this point. I have noticed that in most friend groups there is one person who constantly gets made fun of by the others. I hate arbitrary social hierarchies and being used by others as entertainment. Also, after thinking about it, I doubt that I am gay. Maybe I just have really low testosterone or something and that's why I am submissive. I haven't had morning wood for weeks.

>>33346465
Interestingly, the night that I got drunk I connected the most with my friends. The right words just came to me and I said them with the right timing. I was funny and smooth without really trying but it may have simply been the novelty of a nerdy, reserved guy getting drunk. I don't know if I would have the same results were I to do it consistently. In your experience are there any permanent gains or is it just in the moment?

>>33347980
>Interestingly, the night that I got drunk I connected the most with my friends. The right words just came to me and I said them with the right timing. I was funny and smooth without really trying but it may have simply been the novelty of a nerdy, reserved guy getting drunk. I don't know if I would have the same results were I to do it consistently. In your experience are there any permanent gains or is it just in the moment?

Do just enough that you're still cognizant enough to remember the interactions and over time you won't need alcohol but it takes consistent practice like everyday for me for over a year before I became an extroverted introvert, even then there's days where I'm like fuck these normie retards.