When people mistreat me I get deeply offended and I can't control it
>Just have more self control
I can't. And I tried. I get into a loop and I get into more and more hate. I want to gouge their eyes out and rip their skin off and the only thing I don't do is because I could only do it once and I would go to prison. I have bloodlust and I can't avoid it when this happens, and I end up hitting myself or things.

I was always very passive and I was abused and bullied in my childhood. I think the best words to describe my situation are frustration, helplessness and impotence. I can't simply not care about people seeing me as pathetic. It harms me in my chest and stomach to the point it literally makes me physically sick.

No one fucking cares of course. That's my life. Being alone always. I wish I could kill fucking everyone I wish I could kill

>>33344987 (OP)
Build up a library of snappy insults and hate them right back.

>>33344987 (OP)
Have you sought professional help for this, or are you avoiding doing that because you want to carry on being angry?

>>33345018
Only way out is through working on the past trauma. All we can offer are words, the real work will be deciding you deserve to feel better and taking action by seeking professional help or figuring out how to perform this transformation on your own.

This will not be easy, and I cant be there for you. I care, but you are outside of my circle of influence. Love you dude, would give you a hug if I could. Things CAN get better, but it is gonna hurt and suck until you make it happen.

>>33344987 (OP)
You need to blow off some steam somehow. Maybe with physical activities like jogging or shadow boxing. And shouting out everything you hate also helps.
If you keep all that energy bottled up it will either completely block you or explode at some point with you going off at randos.

On a different note, the sound of the people you hate suffering and dying is VERY satisfying. Much too satisfying. Better take care of your hate before you turn into a serial killer, lol.

>>33345119
Not OP but have the same experiences. I actually hope I snap soon and do something that I don't survive/remember.

>>33345141
If you are a student there should be free counseling available. It unironically helped me to talk about my problems and vent a little. It's worth a try.
But make sure you don't tell about your fantasies or you'll end up in a loony bin.

>>33345188
I don't have to worry about revealing my power level, every time I have visited a shrink I freeze up, my mind goes blank thinking about how they are judging me against the turbo normies that all their other clients are, and I don't say anything useful that goes even 10% into the depth of what I feel, nor can I recreate the strong feelings in the office