I always doubt my mental sanity when it comes to my boyfriend so maybe he's the issue not me. Anyways, Whenever he pisses me off even in the slightest ( being a bit rude for a example) it ruins my whole day. It kills my love and for the rest of the day I just can't find it in me to love him. I find him annoying and I'm just idk really rude to him. I know it sounds bad but I really can't help myself - it's like a whole shift in mentality, I just don't like him. If he pisses me off at night, I wake up angry and irritable. It takes hours for my mood to go back to normal and I just don't know why this is. I love him and I don't want to hurt him anymore. I hate thinking about what I've done and the pain I cause him and I want this all to stop. I feel like I've got two personalities and the other one comes out when I'm angry at him idk idk idk someone please help me.

>>33349864 (OP)
It’s called “painting someone black”. It’s an emotional phenomenon that occurs when you love someone, mentally, you know it. You feel it. But they anger you or upset you, and then it all stops. Then you begin to fantasise and ruminate about hating them or you begin to see them as a villain.

Its as if your heart has amnesia, completely forgetting the positive feelings it held for someone a moment ago, entirely shifting into a feeling of hate or contempt.

Hence the name, ‘painting someone black’. Its like taking a can of black paint and throwing it over the memory of someone. Its when your own dark feelings starts to eclipse the love you had for someone.

The way to beat it is to realise that is what is happening. Your feelings eclipse the reality whenever your feelings flare up. Just because they do that does not mean you dont love someone.

Allow yourself to feel bad. But do not allow the bad feelings to convince you of what is real and what isnt real. The problem is your feelings completely colorise your perception of reality. Even your identity, and the way you identify others.

Simply remind yourself this isnt reality. Its just feelings pretending to be reality. The feels are still real (you feel bad when you feel bad, thats OK).

But the story attached to those feelings (the ideas of making your bf out to be a villain) thats the part that isnt real. You can discard that part safely.

But do not force yourself to not feel bad. You still are allowed to feel bad. or angry or upset. Just simply shake off the tricks of the mind that tries to villainise yourself or others.

>>33349926
Thank you so much I really thought I was going crazy or something I'm glad this is normal

>>33349926
>cont

Oh and I say ‘simply shake off’ the mental dilemma. It wont be simple OP. It wont happen overnight. It will take a lot of trying and failing. But keep practicing it. Its like building a muscle. Its weak as shit at first, but the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

In your case, you just gotta practice telling yourself mentally or externally (in a journal) that your feelings are only existing inside of (you). They do not depict reality. When you feel angry at your bf, it is not because he is a bad person. It is not because you are a bad person. It is because you simply feel bad, that is all. Yes maybe his actions or words made you angry, this can be true too. But be aware your anger is not the proof of someone being bad. What proves someone to be bad is their lack of empathy, their total inability or care to make things right, in their deliberation to make someone hurt on purpose.

Feeling angry at someone does not prove any of this. So just keep reminding yourself that each day until it sticks.

>>33349944
No problem. Nah you aren’t crazy. I dont know if its normal or not. I think its not the majority of people who experience what you do. But perhaps a sizable amount do. I think maybe 25% of people in my estimation. Im not a psychologist myself but I love it as a hobby and personal fascination.

I am certain it comes from having trauma in childhood or upbringing, particularly with troubles in the family. If you were raised in a household that had a lot of fighting, arguing, verbal abuse, or worse, then what happens is you become an adult, you get into a relationship, things are going fine, lovely. Then your partner makes you mad, or you have your first big disagreement, or you show your negative side(s) to each other for the first time. (everyone has negative sides).

But for you, it freaks you out. Makes you go into survival mode. Makes you think Hell is coming back, the same Hell in childhood, only its your partner who is bringing it this time instead of parents. Thats usually the emotional ‘trigger’ or dark memories that fuel this sort of thing. It comes from a fear of the past repeating.

>>33349926
>It’s called “painting someone black”
for me its called breaking the trust i have extended to them
>build long relationship and trust
>get called names
>trust is broken, i end the relationship
>they have le pikachuface.jpg