What are the best methods to build confidence and be more assertive? My whole life (26 years) I've been aftaid to bother people. I'm a big guy both in size and stature. And I always thought I could "walk soft but carry a big stick"

But I don't think I have it in me to be some "Clark Kent by day but Superman in a fight". type of person. How do I stop being a nervous push over.

>>33350854 (OP)
You should give examples of your failure to perform correctly in order for people to give useful advice.

>>33351006
Well I often internalise things people say about me. Not just critiques but mostly direct personal attacks I don't respond back. I hold in my anger and stay away from the offender. I like to think of myself as a stoic but I let every little thing and every BIG thing slide

>>33351206
An easy way to respond assertively would be curiosity. Ask a clarifying question:
"Why do you think that?"
"What makes you think that?"
"How do you know that?"
"When was that?"
"Who said that?"
"Where does it say that?"

By the way, the questions above are examples of The Six Honest Serving Men.

To push back a bit more, you could preface with, follow up with or replace such a question with a calm denial or rebuttal:
"Not really."
"I don't think so."
"That's not true."

I also recommend the book:
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
a classic written by a linguistics professor.

TLDR of the book: Respond to a verbal attack by addressing the premise of what your antagonist said rather than the surface meaning.

>>33351310
Thanks Chat GPT. By the way. How do I stop my voice from quavering and not get easily anxious?

>>33350854 (OP)
Get a degree and become an officer in a tactical community within the military. YOU WILL BE FORCED TO LEARN HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE. I used to be extremely shy; couldn't even interact in a small group of people let alone stand up for myself. I became a naval officer and worked on destroyers and aircraft carriers. Now I can regularly chew out the fuck-ups among the personnel I own, issue assertive orders, and address large crowds without feeling butterflies, among other things. You can't learn to be assertive without getting yourself into tense situations where your are forced to step up and assert your authority.

By the way, you will be so busy that you will not have time to think about how others see you. This will absolutely help you overcome anxiety over how you think others perceive you.

>>33351318
>Thanks Chat GPT.
I did not use Chat GPT in writing that.

>>33351345
>Get a degree and become an officer in a tactical community within the military.
That's a bit unrealistic because OP's behavioural disabilities would preclude entry to the military.

>>33351737
I know that feel too man. I hate being accused of AI slop.

>>33351744
Eh, he might be ok as long has he hasn't got Cluster B.

>>33350854 (OP)
look up cPTSD and learn how to fix it

>>33351737
Sorry. Gets harder to tell these days.

This a reminder. You're much stronger than you think you are. The best way to overcome your fear is to face it sometimes. We can be cowboys.

>>33351310
stupid stupid advice
never go on the defensive
>>33350854 (OP)
you should catalogue insults when you meet someone even though you are friendly

Bump

Bumping so I don't kill your thread with my thread but instead a less important thread.