>kick drug and alcohol addictions
>stop biting my nails
>remember why I was an addict in the first place
I have pretty insane anxiety. It makes it hard for me to be alone with my own thoughts. I talk a lot, and have a tendency to interrupt. I can also be pretty mean. As a result, I used drugs and alcohol to paper over my bad tendencies. What can I do to further choose life, and increase my social skills, so that I don't fall back into addiction? If I relapse I'll probably die, and I just want to have a good life.

>>33352646 (OP)
Put every thought you have into a journal and then reflect on the previous day's entries at the end of each day. Don't reflect on the day's entries or in the morning because you'll just loop forever and never get anywhere. Look at yesterday's at day's end because you'll have detachment from them and then can analyze why the fuck you spiral like that. If one day isn't enough distance try a week.

>>33352659
That might work. I wonder if that will cause or hinder rumination.

>>33352646 (OP)
I'm only a beer addict and I just spent the last three hours joyriding before I realized I can only do this for so long before I have to go back home. Are human beings just meant to be on alcohol? Everything is a waste of time. I have no idea how people do this sober. I mean, I didn't even start drinking a lot until I was about 30 or so. Listening to political podcasts only just makes you upset about things that you can't control. Reading books about history triggers my alcoholism because people drank 10 beers a day back then. Video games are more frustrating than fun. It's humid and sticky outside. I just don't know how to spend my weekend if I don't have a six pack to drink. A woman is moving in with me in three weeks. Hopefully she'll be my entertainment and keep me from drinking. Life is pointless, so cheap entertainment like beer makes it better. I guess it's possible to be sober during the week when I work. And yeah, people are going to say "Just work seven days a week, broseph." No, that's a different kind of hell. I just quit a job I did one day a week because life is too short for that.

>>33352721
90 percent of movies and music suck and they're just full of references to alcohol.

>>33352646 (OP)
I'm cut from the same rag as you OP. Good for you on admitting your problems. Especially about being mean. I was a mean dick as well. I'm 99% sure I bullied people without even knowing I was a bully or a prick. I just thought I was being funny. My intent was to make people laugh and have fun even the people I'd make fun of. Was hoping they'd fire back and mock or ridicule me in return, yknow for fun like a game. Turns out nah. Turns out most people just got wounded and wanna leave to go lick their wounds. Feels shit man.

Anyway I got my act together. Got the wife the kid the nice pet dog the cozy home, somehow managed to function enough to work a job that I enjoy. I always hated work. I never thought I'd ever wake up excited to go work, never. But here we are.

What helped me the most was finding a relationship to God, just wanna give the big chief a shout-out. If it wasn't for Him I'd be dead in an apartment resembling a crack-den, alone.

Second biggest thing that helped was surrendering to addiction in a new way. Sounds backwards I know, but hear me out:

You are an addict. That's who and what you are. For whatever reason, your mind finds silence and routine boredom to be like kryptonite. Makes you anxious. Makes you wanna move like a shark and go do something to kill it all away.

That is who you are, so don't fight it. Embrace it bro. Rethink it as a strength not a weakness. Weaponize addiction into an asset, a tool, a weapon.

Your mistake was you grabbed it by the pointy end. You did that by choosing shit addictions. I chose shit addictions. Booze, drugs, cigarettes, porn, sex. Those are shit addictions. What you want is better addictions. Addictions that serve you and others, addictions that propel your life forward instead of stagnating it.

Get addicted to healthy and elevating stuff. To develop an addiction towards those things, you simply need to build a habit around them. Those habits become addictions over time.

>>33352733
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_X6zWElJdw
This post reminds me a lot of this scene in T2. Trainspotting has helped me to overcome my addictions, I absolutely love when Renton admits he's a bad person at the end of the first movie. This is good advice, replace my addictions with addictions for running (which I already love doing) and cycling, which I want to get into. Also probably cooking since I want to learn how to do that.

I drank some pomegranate juice and that helped with the beer cravings. Now I'm just watching dumb YouTube videos.

>>33352765
>I absolutely love when Renton admits he's a bad person at the end of the first movie. This is good advice, replace my addictions with addictions for running (which I already love doing) and cycling, which I want to get into. Also probably cooking since I want to learn how to do that.

Go for it. It might sound boring or small compared to the dopamine heights of drugs and booze, but you'd be surprised if the thrill of the small good things in life. Hell you probably already even know.

I got an early memory or two of being a fledgling addict as a kid. My mom taught me how to tie my shoes when I was 5 or 6. I got such a rush when I did it correct. Spent the whole week deliberately untying them just to get an excuse to tie them. Same with coffees. Dad taught me how to brew em at like 8. Sly bastard wanted me to learn so I can make him coffees lol. He regretted it cuz for the whole day or two later I made dozens of cups for no reason, just got addicted to process and outcome. Always been this way.

It's a really strong and beautiful characteristic when done right, man. It's your blessing if you want it to be. We can say 'addict' but what it actually is, is you're hardwired for outcomes. You crave outcomes, that's all. No outcome = no joy. So you are rigged to go and make them happen. That's power.

It goes to shit when we fall for drugs or booze because it's a cheap and easy way to feel outcomes (the perceptive shifts or mood shifts in our bodies from intoxication). We feel it very deep and direct. Very easy to get hooked. Stay off the hook and you will be fine. Especially if you put that power to it's proper and rightful use - making shit happen.

>>33352723
Nothing on my playlist (mostly popular music "hits" over the last century) has references to alcohol. None of the memorable movies I can think of has it either.