I'm 25 years old am i've destroyed myself over the course of the last 10 years and now i find myself backed into a corner. When i was a kid (~12yo) i started developing issues with my self esteem due to the fact that i was very short. People would comment on my height jokingly and i would take it as a joke and laugh back but over time it slowly turned into a real issue and because this happened early on it significantly impacted my social skills. In highschool i couldn't socialize properly because i felt weird and awkward when everyone was a foot taller and looked a lot more developed than me. As a result i could not develop socially and became a recluse, giving up on my life and staying home since i turned 15. Around this time it started spiraling into suicidal ideations, i thought i would kill myself in my 20s so i could just do what i wanted with no repercussions. I was comfortable wasting away playing vidya and jerking off.

I turn 26 in october and i have been living like a subhuman piece of shit for a decade. I have 0 experiences with anything in life, i can't talk to people, i made no friends. I'm extremely poor, i eat at most 1 meal a day, and every month there's a stretch of a few days where it's really difficult to afford food. I know all of this is my fault, i just can't bring myself to seek help and try to change my life because i feel hopeless. I've never been able to look forward to anything in life, and i always just accepeted whatever happened.

I feel like i have no choice but to kill myself now. Starting anything at this point feels impossible, life feels too complex for my retard brain. I bought a rope a few months back and i tried kneeling down to see if i could pass out, but i always pussy out. Only person i have in my life is my mother and we don't get along, i don't care about her and she doesn't care about me, so staying alive for others is out of the question.

I'm lost. I wake up every day and sit here for 16 hours until bed time. I know nothing is gonna change becaue i have to make change happen, but i can't move, like i'm stuck. I can't go out into the real world and seek real help, and i also can't kill myself and end this for good. I've been ignoring it this whole time, coping with mindless entertainment but i can't do this anymore. I HATE my miserable fucking existence and i'm going insane.

i'm a newfag, i'm sorry if this is too much text, i really just need someone else's opinions other than my own for once, tired of talking to myself.

I did NOT read
Go help some homeless guy out
胸毛

>>33355518
>I wake up every day and sit here for 16 hours until bed time
Stop doing this.
Are you agoraphobic?
Get into a new hobby, or better yet, pick up a new skill online if you have to not see people
Do some pushups every other day. Go out for walks, it will pump more blood into your brain and heal you
>I'm 25 years old am i've destroyed myself
I was a hermit until I was like 27 nothing can destroy you at this age except death. You are so fucking young. Looks like you have at least identified the problem, so congrats

>>33356124
>agoraphobic
Don't think so.
>Get into a new hobby
I don't really have the headspace to enjoy any hobbies to be honest. Most of what i do is just watching pornography and retarded twitch streamers so i don't feel alone.

I was mostly refering to the fact that i know there's something wrong and things can't continue like this, and although i feel like shit 90% of the time, as long as i get to sit here 'comfortably' and consume pornography and video games i won't kill myself or seek to improve my situation. At this point, should i just yeet my computer at the walls and hope that being cut off from my addictions awakens something in me?

>>33355514 (OP)
The first thing you should probably do is start sitting outside rather than sitting indoors. You'd be amazed how much difference getting some daylight makes to your brain chemistry.

Then you should talk to your doctor and ask for help.

>>33355514 (OP)
What you are doing doesn't work. Do something - ANYthing - different

>>33356256
The good news is... there is nothing wrong with you, and you are going to be OK.
Being OK doesn't depend on your mother, or on your height, or your eye colour, skin color, how many friends you have, how much education or money you have, or whether you have a 6 pack.
You were born on this spinning ball the same as every organism before and after you- so well done- you did it. Everything else is a bonus. Whether you die at 10 or 100, whether they make statues to you or you live under a statue. You're OK.
But the other guy is right too- good idea to get sunlight and see a doctor.

>>33356296
>>33356282
>>33356269
There HAS to be something broken in me. I just don't feel like putting in the effort to fix any of this shit. Even as i'm typing this, i know damn well that i'm going to dismiss any advice, and just repeat the same shit the next day. I am extremely unhappy, i am hurt, but i can't break this cycle. That's why i feel like suicide is the only solution, If i can't help myself, no one else can. What hurts me the most is the feeling that i wasted my youth, and now i'm too far gone. I really can't fathom talking to people, being interesting enough to attract someone, making money, etc. I am a fucking retard. It's 7AM where i live and i'm about to go to bed, and i just know tommorow is gonna be the same shit.

>>33355514 (OP)
I won't read suicide threads because they are ALWAYS simply attention-seeking.

I'm the same age as you, and it's also 7 am when i'm posting this lol. also very lonely and once again remembering that killing myself will free me of my problems/ responsibilities. tried to kill myself a couple times and also pussied out. Started spending money irresponsibly going to places like Japan and Egypt and Iceland ,I'm making lots of fun memories, so when I go I won't regret it as a life wasted.
My advice is take out a bunch of credit card debt and travel around first, somewhere exotic, new and kind of scary. Seems you like gooning, so maybe go to Thailand drink a bunch and participate in some sex tourism. then kill yourself if ur still feeling it.

>>33356395
>Even as i'm typing this, i know damn well that i'm going to dismiss any advice,

Then why are you bothering us?

>>33355514 (OP)
tldr but just pull yourself by the bootstraps, bud. you'll be fine