>Be me senior year of college
>Go on a hinge date with guy who lied about height+barely speaks
>Accidentally agree to a second date.
>We go on 7 more dates after this.
>Opens up about his anxiety. Tells me I can always talk to him. I tell him the same.
>Starts doing boyfriend things: gm texts, offers to bring me food, drive 3+ hours, asks about plans months in the future, etc.)
>Makes zero romantic moves.
>Have to ask him if he’s interested “in a romantic sense” and say I care about him.
>Comes to my apartment. We snuggle in bed, but he never kisses me on the mouth (He still hasn't, really).
>I leave for a week.
>he gets anxious, says he misses my voice, asks if I’m still “interested romantically”
>I say I am, but not totally sure about everything yet
>He tells me I’m great and he’ll wait while I figure “us” out
>I come back, we snuggle, he bakes for me, comforts me crying, spends a lot of money on me, puts keychain I gave him on his keys.
>He starts to ease up on certain daily routines
>Tries to go down on me. Does not feel good so I ask him to stop. He takes it well.
>A week later I tell him I like him for the first time and ask if he wants to be serious even though I move away after graduation in another two months.
>Says he “likes talking with me and spending time with me” but can’t do long distance again (had been LD with an ex gf). Says he wants to keep it casual until I leave and that I should absolutely feel free to see other men if I want.
>I end it. He just says “oh, okay it was fun”
>Months later, I text him to see how he’s doing. He tells me that he got a new phone and never saved my number.
>He’s nice/responsive so I reaffirm to him that I still care about him. He parrots back the same things I say.
>10 days later he texts me. and asks if I want to visit and stay in his new apartment for a weekend.
>What’s his deal and should I see him? I am planning on going to visit my friends anyway.

this isn't something people can give you advice on? convenient

>>33359405
I'm asking if I should see him/maybe even stay with him?

>>33359345 (OP)
clearly he is wasting your time and your self-esteem is really low which is why you entertain his bullshit. do whatever you want but seeing him is a bad decision.

>>33359411
we had 5 years of talking about fuckboyisms. do we need 5 more?

>>33359345 (OP)
Might as well fuck it

Poster above me is overthinking.

>>33359421
He's very nerdy, short, chubby, has greasy hair, a slight lisp, knows chris chan lore, and was afraid of touching me even though he wanted to, so I never really clocked him as a fuck boy, desu. His physical appearance was never something that drew me in, really. Maybe he is some kind of secret fuck boy though? I don't even know at this point. He was in the army, to be fair.

>>33359423
What do you mean?

>>33359440
How low is your self esteem that you're pining after this thing?

>>33359447
Like if you want to go just do it, why the fuck not? Is he gonna rape, maim or murder you? Probably not.

Also speaking as a current service member (usaf, airborne linguist) I know those types. Probably comes from a more conservative background. Hes very likely not a fuckboy

>>33359452
I admit that I've had some self-esteem issues in the past but I don't really think it's about that in this instance. I just got along with and connected with him very well and I miss our friendship and our conversations and just him in general. I don't really relate to people that well very often. I'm not even really sure if I want something with him, exactly. I'd say I miss the physical closeness a bit (not the sexual parts) and maybe that's part of the reason why I'd want to stay with him. There were definitely a lot of things about him that would put me off from a relationship with him though, anyway. I think I'd be happy even just to meet him for coffee or something, or hang out like we used to. I wouldn't want to even do that though if he's expecting casual sex from me, or if that's the only reason he wants to see me.

>>33359454
I mean, yeah, I guess. I don't think he's the type that could ever do any of that stuff. I've also been thinking of just planning on staying with my friends, and then inviting him to go with us on our beach trip or something (since that's already in planning). And if I feel that I want to sleep at his apartment so I can be with him for longer, and I feel that he has genuine intentions, I can do so. I'm sorta starting to worry that maybe he's secretly evil, though, and only treated me as well as he did in the start for the possibility of getting in my pants

>>33359345 (OP)
Sure why not go see him?
He seems like a nice guy doing his best and you kind of know that.
What did he do wrong? Not be sexually aggressive? He was emotionally honest, and took things well? He remains friendly with you even when things could have made him upset?

I mean good on you not being a bitch to him but I can't imagine what would keep you from staying with him a while.

>>33359440
I am afraid to touch girls and I am basically a clown 99% of the time. One mistake and you are on a registry for not understanding this was a yes means no situation.
Give him some slack, in the modern world it's hard for guys with low sex appeal to know what exactly they can and can't do.

>>33359440
>and was afraid of touching me even though he wanted to
Can women forgive me for being this way

>>33359345 (OP)
He sounds like he deserves better

>>33359345 (OP)
Just have lunch or dinner with him, but yeah you need to have an adult conservation with him about what you want. That you want a real relationship and aren't looking for anything casual.
And that maybe you're not the best match for eachother anyway.

>>33359749
That's not even the problem here. I appreciated that he was gentle with me, and I at least vaguely had some ideas of why he was like that. But the fact that he said nothing about it was just a part of a greater list of communication issues on his end.

But comparatively, those communication issues are a complete non-issue when compared with the fact that he's consistently made me doubt whether or not he even cares about me while also trying to get more physical with me (ie. the oral sex at the same time as cutting back on routines and also not caring about me breaking up with him. Also, just the action of even possibly just inviting me over to his apartment in the first place without saying anything else about what he wants...).

>>33360906
I'm not even fully sure if I do want a serious relationship with him. I think maybe I'd have to see him again to know. I'd at least like to stay friends with him, but both of these things moreso with the version of him that he presented himself as in the beginning, since I am kinda doubting whether he really is that person or not, given how he's acted (losing my number, saying he can't do long distance while repeatedly offering to drive me long distances and saying it'd be worth it for me, doing all his other stuff while also having nothing else to say about the breakup other than "oh, ok. It's been fun", etc.). All I know is that I definitely don't want anything casual.

>>33359736
It's true that he presents himself as a "nice guy doing his best", but the problem is that I'm really doubting that, that is actually who he is.

>>33359477
You should figure out what it is you want before proceeding as a confused mess, first of all.
Second of all, the way you've described this guy, he sounds like a faggot anyway.

>>33361040
Like, you think he's literally gay? lol

>>33359345 (OP)
Guy sounds too good for you. Do him a favor and stop wasting his time so he can find a girl that's worth it.

>>33363826
What did I do? lmaoo

It may sound obvious, or maybe not. But you need to communicate with this person. You need to tell him what you're telling us. Number 1 is talking about his communication. Don't demand it, be gentle like you are. Communication is so vital but everybody fails at it. You only need to be honest "Hey man, I like spending time with you. But you never tell me what you're thinking, and that makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to just be a sex toy for you nor a friendship of convenience. When you talk to me, you reply in short sentences and pretend the subject is done and then I don't know how to respond. But that's not enough if you want to even be friends. I need to know more sometimes. I really need to know exactly what you think about me, what I mean to you. And not just as a parroted response; I need you to tell me of your own accord when you feel it randomly during the day, that would be one of the best gifts you could give me. It might even be hard for me to talk about this in real life, and I know you'd have a hard time, too. So if you need to type things to communicate, I would be happy to read your well thought out writing."
Blah blah etc, may be too long and totally miss the mark. You know what you're dealing with more than me, you will come up with something better.

(continued)

>>33365494
As super introvert sperg guy, I myself have been somewhat aloof when getting to know somebody. I don't want to freak them out or insult them, so I hold my cards close for a while. But I have never left somebody in the dark that long, I have never had a girl love me but I didn't love them yet we stayed together. I always reciprocate and infact I go overboard and make lots and lots of gestures of love and I really love giving my love. Your situation really sounds like the most generic classic failure of men/women relationships, where it's one-sided.

If you don't like the sex, that sounds like a dealbreaker. If you can't even communicate by telling him how to eat you out properly, then there is no hope.

You sound cool, and with your feminine giving and kind nature, I believe you can do better than this guy. Honestly I wish I knew somebody like you. I know it sucks to find new people, but I think that's half the reason you are stuck on him: it is hard to find somebody else who fits at all. You got close to him, and he's the best you have right now. But he doesn't sound like the best for you. You sound kind-of desperate. This dude is lucky and doesn't know the treasure he has in you. He's not a bad person, he sounds like a great friend. But he is not treating you how you should be treated.

Also you seem like you are younger, and I want you to know that people can communicate about things in ways other than shortform text messaging. That is a horrible platform for communication. I have a hard time understanding that culture of short message communication combined with lack of honesty and real articulation of thought.

I wrote all that trying too hard to help. As if commuincation fixes an already broken thing, and I feel sympathy for your side.

Now, re-reading your posts again, he probably felt rejected when you ended it. Was probably actually pretty broken up about it (hopefully) but didn't express it. He doesn't want to be with you though, and won't put in the effort, and it doesn't seem like it will turn around. He isn't willing to invest in you. You gotta stop holding out hope and trying with this dude.

I do not think you should go see this dude, no. Move on, man.

>>33361038
What is it a man could ever do that would make a woman believe he had good intentions.

>>33365498
I wanted to try again and help him, but I was too scared to in the moment since I'm a virgin and all, but it never happened since we broke up. I think a lot of the problem was that he was nervous as well.

Also: general update. He tried to text me again really late last night, unprompted. I left it until the morning since I had work in the morning and also didn't want to respond to something that was just impulsive/out of horniness or loneliness. He replied to my first message but has now left me on delivered for a very long time (like 8 hours). If he replies I may confront him

>>33359345 (OP)
Is he Indian?
Give him a chance!

>>33369329
Girl, why would he be Indian LMAO