I am recognizing finally at 27 that I pattern into limerant (intense crushes, often unreciprocated either at all or not matched intensity) feelings for girls in my life. I need to "win" the girl either from her current boyfriend, or "win" her attention like she genuinely doesn't like me or is interested in me so I try and change her mind.
I got out of my most recent episode with a work girl who I would read books to at work, I was reading something on OCD (which I don't formally have - Dad totally does lol) and we had these amazing conversations. The way she looks at me, we share these quiet smiles with lingering eye contact. Limerance blinds me but I really do see that she at least thinks I'm attractive - I think I just sperg out too much like once a shift trying to be funny or engaging.
How do you avoid getting in these cycles? I had been cold, aloof, acted like a playboy, acted like a caring coach or teacher, acted like a suave salesman or showman. I had many friends once but basically none now I so know this is loneliness as well... I was enjoying her so much because for a time she allowed me to be authentic and it felt so intimate. But now she's pulled back and I pulled back even harder. And I just want to avoid daydreaming, date planning, idea storming, all for a girl who DOES NOT LIKE ME.
>cont.

I sort of understand now too. Some darker things about that, that some people are just unlikable and that I am approaching relationships from too "beta" of a mindset, and that I like most of my fellowman are very internet addicted and propagandized into fear. I am sorry I wanted monogamy. I am sorry I am not a rapist killer who loudly takes over every room he is in. I am sorry I don't have so much money or muscle that I can kill whoever I want consequence free - that seems to be what I need to be though to have sex. I am sorry I am scared of dating apps, I would do well there but I don't want to do well I didn't want that I wanted commitment.
Fuck Limerance I just wanted to feel. I wanted to love I got so fucking close fuck please I need intimacy it's been so long that I think of when hands brush mine and your amazing smile. Not even been jacking off.
It sucks cause this year for me, was 5 steps forward after 25 steps back. Limerance made me feel like I just took another 3 steps back, but I'm ok. I hate crushes. I need sex. I need to destroy myself to get sex. Destroy everything holding me back in my head; if I was more forward I'd have had sex with her by now.
Ok rant and humor over.
>Limerance thread
Experiences with intense crushes, did it work out? How did you take the step beyond? Is there ways you got your emotional frame under control; without becoming a psycho repressed freak like me haha?

>>33361417 (OP)
>picrel
I recommend 1, 2, and 3

>>33361444
checked and laughed, those temporary highs do get me out of my head - and new opportunities to meet girls to crush over next

I went through IFS therapy this last two years, Internal Family System. I actually just had a good cry and visualized hugging little me. I was like a lot of you Anons, I played in a basement by myself because my parents were scary and I was an oddball. I didn't have figures so I'd use my Pokemon Cards and visualize. I wanted to be on TV like a news anchor so I did videos and skits and made many friends, was lead of plays, groups, but I'm still that little kid in the basement. I've whispered the sexiest craziest shit in girls ears to seduce but all I wanted really was to hug and be held. I got ripped and I'm still chubby and wearing glasses in my head. I wish my younger self and my current self could reconcile, during that cry it really felt like that might be possible. dunno if that resonates

>>33361490
>whispered the sexiest craziest shit in girls ears to seduce
Lmao whatdya whisper n howdit go

>>33361417 (OP)
>How do you avoid getting in these cycles?
Quit daydreaming and fantasising and being addicted to having a crush fee fees and actually confess and watch your stupid dreams shatter, so you can finally move on to better things for once in your pathetic moid existence

>>33361579
there were times I was so cocky so confident, it wasn't always about what I said it was how I said it to her and the tension I built prior to the main interaction. A playful but very direct intention is very sexy, but that only works if you have the body language and eye contact and giggles. Copying erotica, hyperfixating on a certain part of her that make her blush, but always with a sort of distant "hey I'm not going to rape you I just want you really bad you can say no but this is sorta like a sexy dirty little secret this intimacy we are sharing right now right?" I once hooked up and had FWB with a tiktok slut who walked down my street smoking cigs as I came back from my jog. I'm on a cul de sac, she gave me her snap after a friendly wave, I did a monologue from American Psycho by a fire as a joke that night and she gave me the best head I had ever recieved my dick is twitching thinking of it sorry.
"Frame" for me is also my inward self confidence, a lot of Redpill nonsense fucked me up but actually it's cause I was scared of how immediately effective it was in my life. But it's coded badly, being a man of intention, direction, integrity, raw sexual prowess - that's not redpill it's what we are supposed to be. I was nearly fatherless and most of my teachers were women, bosses too. It's conditioned to Limrance for me because "proving" myself to women. Ashley, Katie, all you stupid bitches should have let me fuck, I loved you. Whatever now

>>33361417 (OP)
for how long have you been trying to have a relationship? also, have you tried whores ?

>>33361857
Great question. I have had one main girl/ex girlfriend, BPDemon we were totally codependent in college and I made a million mistakes. I carry a lot of nonsense and fear from that, she'll have a book written on her it's called the DSM6. I also carry wisdom and experience, so if I catch a new girl acting a way I don't like I can just leave and set boundaries now. Anyway we dated on and off for nearly 7 years. It really wasn't that serious in hindsight I knew we would never marry, and when I finally moved out and got my own place it all got worse I became more isolated less able to approach girls. In total I've slept with 4 girls, sexual stuff with around 10, I dated many actually when in HS growing up but I was always sensitive and frankly dismissive like they could say 1 or 2 things wrong and I'm out. I like being alone, but the loneliness is killing me and maybe I just don't really believe in relationships considering I've never been allowed to be in a real one. And everyone gets divorced or cheated on or soft cheated on. I am very "black pilled" but also NO everyone is seeing that things are shit that's why I want help. Do I have to run another 5000 miles? I'm already lifting I'm finally lifting and getting strong my dad was an alchy and the inherited rage scared me and made me want to be weak. I'll just be more patient I think ty for listenin to all these dumb words

>>33361907
op, you sound like a mentally ill loserfag, if youre life revolves so much around women it means you have a boring existance. find yourself a goal to pull you out of this nightmare and start having casual sex or paid whores if you cant pull women

>>33361907
also, bulk you skinny niggerfag

>>33361425
>I am sorry I am not a rapist killer who loudly takes over every room he is in. I am sorry I don't have so much money or muscle that I can kill whoever I want consequence free - that seems to be what I need to be though to have sex.
You started off with a very relatable problem for a lot of people in your first post OP but you went off the rails here pretty quickly.

>>33362017
that's just satire reflecting both where I am posting this too, and how silly things have gotten. I obviously disavow all violence, ty
>>33361979
agreed, your advice is already what I'm doing I just need to be patient and focus on something better. Like bulking to 160. It will get better. But Limrance is a lifelong issue so I will be cognizant to avoid it.

>>33362080
what if the girl likes you back?

>>33362086
well I'm throwing my little tantrum rn, so I'd bitch and ruin it. I didn't/don't like myself, or parts of myself. And I loop deep into that self resentment, even I know it goes beyond just "im lonely gib gf".. So if I do things I like more and like myself more again than I can give love more effectively. I'd want to date slow, go places together, talk and find out if we are actually a good pair. If I even could add to her life and vice versa. I wonder if the same Void that Limrance is trying to fill is related to Fearing when a Girl actually likes me back. Which frankly is quite often, it's just never the onitis my tism makes me WANT. I gotta get my shit together and settle most men do. Settle for what tho, but "she's" settling for me right I have my flaws so many

>>33362107
just pick a girl and fuck her well retard. why are you complicating your life so much?

>>33362118
u right ty
gonna go to the pool and mog
I'll say hi to people and be very nice, that's fun and cheers me up

>>33361784
Aight how dis bitch do head imma take note

What's the tittok may we see

Anyway hm it seems you are a big man whore BC of overcompensating for the remnant insecure boy that still plagues you inside

>>33361784
Damn following "the redpill" just had me tunneling to work/school, tunneling to the gym and back home and buying i bunch of badly fitting menswear I didn't even like. While continuing to avoid women because of the "focus on yourself and the women will come" talk.

How do I move like you did?

>>33361417 (OP)
"People" who post about self-inflicted problems certainly should be laughed at, because they are usually so far gone, and stupid, that the only way they'll notice is to figuratively bash them over the head. By the way, it's limerence, retard (hahahahaha!)

>>33362784
>Damn following "the redpill" just had me tunneling to work/school, tunneling to the gym and back home and buying i bunch of badly fitting menswear I didn't even like. While continuing to avoid women
Exactly its a total trap. I am coming around to the idea that as long as a man has his core tenants (a thing to make money, not gooning, and working out, as well as a personal dream/goal) than he doesnt need the red pill monk mode. Young men are wasting prime years, you should ALWAYS be fielding prospective friends and lovers. Breathe easier that way
>wait for the girls to come to you
HAHAHA they dont the girls who approach - well. What type of girl approaches? Around here, it's one who has older brothers and plenty of experience dating so she is either a horny slut (which I am learning I am suppose to fuck ok fine I will now) or a perfect catch. Perfect Catches dont exist. Theres always a catch with a gal and a guy, I have baggage; she's opened her legs with regret and needs me to fill a void I cant

So uh. You asking her out or what?