I want to live a simple quiet life, maybe in the woods or a rural area. A girlfriend would be ideal, sweet, kind and loyal

The problem is the state of the world and the state of my soul; the world is a shithole at the moment and the economy is all over the place. In my case I have a lot of inner work to do since I'm fighting my inner demons

But is that ideal life possible?

>>33363457 (OP)
Absolutely. You won't be able to fully appreciate it until you've at least calmed those inner demons though.

Step 1: talk to girls

>>33363482
That's completely true, even if I'm in a cozy environment I'm still in fight or flight mode. I'm so tired all the time, it's exhausting to live like this; I hope I can heal one day

>>33363575
You need to find patience for yourself to figure out what you're feeling and why you feel that way. You're not broken, even if it might feel like you are. You're feeling insecure and not sure what will happen in the world around you to affect how your future plays out even if there is healing that you've done. It's understandable. But you do need to allow yourself to feel those things so that you can understand them more and learn to accept yourself. Those things you feel are a part of you too. You might need to give yourself grace.

>>33363605
Thank you for your kindness Anon. I have done many bad things and I have a big predisposition towards bring a degenerate, sometimes I feel like I'm fighting my very nature and I just can't change. But there's more virtue in this than giving in to degeneracy. I hope I can live a simple quiet life in some rural area one day and let go of all this emotional baggage

>>33363643
Talk with someone about it. Someone that you feel like you can trust, and that might try to help you through it. You don't have to fight alone.

>>33363678
Thank you Anon. I'm trying to pray more but I think I should also see a therapist, I feel absolutely crushed by life

>>33363766
I would open up to you as an anonymous outlet without judgement, but I don't know if you would want that. I also don't have professional skills, just an ear.

>>33363782
That's very kind of you Anon. I guess my main problem is feeling ugly. It's funny because right now my hair is very thin and you can see my scalp through it but even when I had thick, wavy hair I felt insecure and ugly so there must be something wrong with me inside. I'm scared of people so my first thought is that they just want to hurt me so I have a lot of hatred for humanity as a result. Also many weird porn fetishes that make me hate myself

Thank you for offering to listen, I know this is too much so please don't feel burdened if you don't have a response, you have already brightened my day with your kindness. What about you Anon? Are you struggling with something?

>>33363837
You're hurt. You don't feel comfortable with how you look, you're concerned that others might want to hurt you in some way, and you soothe through methods that you don't like yourself for engaging in. It's a lot. Feeling bad about parts of your appearance is one thing, but an overall bad self image and disapproval of your own behavior can quickly lead to some serious self esteem issues. It's easy to hate people, no one is immune from that at all given points in time. And yeah, if you're afraid they're going to hurt you in some way, it makes sense that you might feel that way too.
Is there a reason for the fear of other people?

>>33363889
I guess so, yes. My dad used to drink and got aggressive with my mom and as a result she used me to vent about her problems. I felt really overwhelmed as a kid as a result and didn't really click with my peers which led me to feel isolated. They also made fun of me over being a weirdo. I really liked slasher movies because many of the villains were deformed or mentally handicapped kids who grew up and decided to get revenge so I started to relate to them

I guess that fuiled my hatred, a me vs. them kind of thing. I saw them as a pack of hyenas rather than human beings, creatures mimicking laughs but that would rid you apart given the chance

I now realize that I'm no better than them, we all have darkness inside, that made me realize that everyone has something worth saving and they can change their ways if they are humble enough but I also realize that most people are weak (me included) and would choose to make excuses for their shitty behaviors and keep the mask

So my hatred is not as strong but I still feel disdain and fear. I also lack empathy, sometimes I wonder if I'm a psychopath or a sociopath even though I have no desire to hurt others

>>33363976
Your mom probably shouldn't have used you as an outlet, not being equipped with the capacity to deal with adult problems and all. If she didn't have anyone else to vent to over it, it can sometimes be a desperate cry out for anyone to listen despite knowing better. Kids can be really nasty to each other. It's surprising that we can be so feral so early on, but I think that whole humanity thing is something we have to build on as we get older. Childhood bullies leave scars a lot more painful than they should though. And finding relatability in downtrodden killers in movies probably feels pretty justified, it looks like they got their revenge and some kind of peace. When you look closer, the revenge kills are never enough, and they're just consumed by hatred at the end of it all.
If you have empaghy at all, you can try to nurture it by embracing things that make you feel it.

>>33364060
That's so true Anon. Everything you've said. I also realized that the killings in those movies were ego-driven and they could people, yes, but that wouldn't end their suffering and they would still be rejected as they couldn't kill the cause of their pain, human nature itself. It's like trying to kill a shadow, it's a waste of time.

Do you think I can change? What if I have no empathy? I used to have it, back when I was too young to have any sort of awareness about the reality of the world

>>33364099
You have empathy. You're self aware. It'll take time, but try your best to introspect and find the roots at the base of your pain. Try your best. It's not a race, don't rush yourself. And if you goof up, don't be too harsh on yourself

>>33363457 (OP)
I won't read your inane japanese comic attached document offered in lieu of an actual question.

>>33364317
>I won't read
I'm starting to think you can't read because there's a question in the thread lmao

>>33364314
Thank you Anon. You've done a lot for me today. I'm grateful. I hope you have a lovely day; I will try my best to get to the root of the issue